Recently, I have been making some changes in my life and I decided that I wouldn’t share them with the world. As a matter of fact, when I came back from Bali and felt the burning call to start a meditation practice, I simply said to my husband, “I’m going to do something tomorrow morning but I’m not going to tell you what it is. Just know that I will be getting up early and that’s that…”
Naturally, my husband wanted to know more, so I told him and asked the he not laugh at me for what I wanted to do, and also not admonish me if I ended up not doing it.
The reason why I chose to keep my newly adopted meditation practice to myself without the standard Facebook “accountability post” was precisely that; my quiet time to meditate was just for me, my time, and I didn’t need nor want the world to validate my efforts.
My morning mediation has become the light in my morning. I am not a morning person by nature, yet I have found that I eagerly bound out of my bed, grab my malas, and settle into an easy seat with a giant grin on my face. I am gradually finding my happy place and the crazy thing of it all is that it was here along, just nestled within me.
Moving through my life has a new sort of shimmer and ease. Things feel, taste, and even sound different. Now, I know that things could have always been this way all along; I just chose to see them differently. That said, while I am in the midst of this transformation I am finding that I am more equipped to meet obstacles in my life with positivity, love, and enthusiasm. However, all is not perfect while undergoing a metamorphosis. The beautiful thing about a journey is you evolve and you constantly learn new things about yourself.
Today, my husband (Greg) was going to work. Waze directed him to take a specific set of streets that I know from driving the same route daily NOT TO TAKE because well, we all know, sometimes Waze lies. Turns out someone had a flat tire and there was a complete standstill on a single lane road. Greg was going to be late, very late. He sent me a picture with the caption “I want to cry”. Immediately, my heart leapt into my throat, and was pounding so furiously I started losing my composure. I thought to myself, today is a very big day for Greg, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING. I called him at once and scolded him for taking that route because “everyone knows not to take the canyon during rush hour!” and “I drive that way everyday, why didn’t you ask me?!”
What happened to my meditation practice? Where did my love and mindset seem to disappear to during the time I needed it most? Moreover, when faced with the opportunity to meet my husband with support and compassion, I let him down, and I let myself down.
I hung up the phone and instantaneously knew that I could have, and should have handled the situation better. Still anxious, I rehashed the entire scenario to my colleague who helped me gain some perspective. Tears in my eyes, I decided it was time to share my experience with meditation for the world and here’s my take away for today:
While I cannot change how I reacted to the obstacles that presented themselves today, I can control what I take away and learn from this. Self-care like anything else, it is a process, not a perfect. My meditation practice has given me the ability to feel better but also the gift of retrospection—I can and will remember that at all times, I can respond to the world with positivity. Sometimes we fumble, and sometimes we wipe out; but we can always get up and start again at square one.