Teacher Life

Physical Education in the 21st Century with Tiffany Ragozzino of The Pretty Little Lifters

Arielle Miller / Podcast / access and equality, barrier to entry, fitness deserts, Health and Wellness, physical education, Teacher Life, urban school teachers / 0 comments

February 16, 2021

Tiffany Ragozzino is a public school Physical Education teacher for the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) who is boldly tackling the behemoth task of teaching fitness, health, and wellness within urban communities to our youth. Join Tiffany and listen to the incredible things she is doing in her classroom to ensure our students of color are provided access and opportunity to fitness initiatives while she employs a self-created curriculum that is dynamic, relevant, and applicable to her minority students that empowers them to live healthy lives!

Find Tiffany on Instagram at @theprettylittlelifters or contact her via email at info@theprettylittlelifters.com.

Episode edited by Emily Holz

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Limitless Possibilities with Michele Lew

Arielle Miller / Podcast / Doctoral Student, Life Changes, Teacher Life, Teachers, Teen Mom, Teen Pregnancy / 0 comments

December 28, 2020

Michele Lew is an Assistant Principal at Arcadia HS in Southern California and a first year doctoral student at the University of Southern California (USC). In this interview, you will get to know Michele through her journey as a teenage mother and how she refused to let it define her while she fought to live a life where both she and her daughter could thrive. Michele candidly discusses how she balanced friendships, attended college, and ultimately, became a Special Education teacher by choosing herself—yes, herself, over and over again. Join Michele as she recounts the often tough decisions she made to be the best mother she could be while using fitness as a release and choosing the road less traveled to grow into the power house educator, mother, and inspiration that she is today!

Find Michele and listen to Michele’s podcast, In the Principal’s Office at https://anchor.fm/intheprincipalsofficepod and follow her on Instagram at @itsmslew.

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Draw Me a Map

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Country Life, Draw Me a Map, Going Country, Overcoming Obstacles, Teacher, Teacher Life / 0 comments

November 1, 2019

When I was in college, my then boyfriend introduced me to country music. Now, being from Long Island listening to country music was blasphemy, but this was during the early 2000’s and country music was booming with the likes of Keith Urban, Big and Rich, Dierks Bentley, Gretchen Wilson, and more. Country had taken on a more mainstream approach and immediately I took to its storytelling and compelling lyrics. So, here we are in 2019 and oddly enough, like the darkest hours of my life during the Pop2K era circa 2000-2005, I find myself longing, reaching, and clinging to the words that carried me through what at the time was the most devastating thing in my life:

When my college boyfriend dumped me after I moved to Plattsburgh, New York for him because he ‘wasn’t ready for city life,’ after I turned down my job with Los Angeles Unified School District, AND after he had gotten into graduate school partly because I wrote his admissions essay.

It was a brutal blow. I cried for weeks. Ok, I cried for months, even well into my move to Los Angeles I still pined for him. But this isn’t about one of the many times my heart was ripped from my chest. This is about how the music of that very difficult time period in my life helped me heal and now, on the brink of a very different kind of madness, I am rediscovering and redefining the woman I am, and will be as a result of my new perspective.

Life right now is tough. Well, if I am being completely honest, that is a complete understatement. This whole move to the country thing has truly proven to be literally one disasterous thing after another. From the spider infestation in my house, and yes, that is what I am calling it, to the state of my classroom when I arrived, to the courses I was assigned to teach this school year, to my classroom not having air conditioning or heat, to my husband being disenchanted with his job, to locals spreading rumors and trying to run us out of town, to my windshield shattering, to my husband then being laid off…WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN, and this isn’t even all of it!?

It just seems that while the universe set us up to get here, it was like a colossal joke because nothing is what it seemed. Think Cher in Clueless, this whole country gig is like a ‘Monet.’ From a distance it looked and sounded like a good idea; but in actuality it turned out to just be a big ol’ mess.

Living in the country and starting a new life has presented new challenges, and as a result a host of other things have surfaced. And perhaps, that is precisely why I am here—that I needed to be here for those very reasons. But right now while in the thick of it, it is so hard to see the light while walking in this giant shit storm. After all, I moved away from a city I loved, left dear friends I loved, gyms and group fitness classes I loved, a job I loved, an apartment I loved, restaurants I loved—should I stop now? Or shall I continue wallowing in self-pity?

What is my purpose for being here? What am I supposed to learn?

I ask myself that over and over and over daily. Usually though, it’s after a serious of WTF’s, but that’s neither here nor there. And in asking myself these questions, it has lead me to deep reflection and to seek solace in the familiar, which for me are the country songs that helped me pull myself out of my break up post college. Literally, I will listen to the same songs on repeat while scanning my brain for deeper meaning and the universe’s message to me in all of this. Often times though, I find myself wishing and asking for the answers. Like, what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to be? Am I supposed to continue teaching in Lompoc? Go back to LA? Move to Santa Barbara? Ugh, I have all these questions, but no answers.

And much like a country song, I romanticized being here, living here, and what I would do here.

Horses, cowboys, rodeos, Stetson’s, long stretches of rural roads and wide open spaces.

I saw all of it so clearly in my mind before moving here. I pictured myself integrating seamlessly into my country life, personifying a country song. But now, while living this life, I cannot help but feel like a foreigner in my own life. I don’t recognize the house I live in, the school where I work, the gyms and studios where I teach fitness classes, or the life I walk through daily. It almost feels like I am watching someone else’s life play out. Or like this is a really bad movie where EVERYTHING and I mean everything that could go wrong for the protagonist does go wrong and you roll your eyes because it’s just that ridiculous?! Yea, that’s my life.

I spend much of my time confused, pondering what lessons I am to learn from my current struggles and the answer is always the same: it’s too soon for me to see what I am to learn from all this.

Still, I cannot help wondering why and how did every thing align to get us here? Why did it all go so right, to then only go so terribly wrong? And again, more questions. And if I am being honest, sometimes even pleading where exasperated, in desperation I ask my mother to tell me what to do.

What should I do?

Try to make it work here? Move to Santa Barbara? Try to get a new job somewhere else? Or go back to LA? What is the right thing to do? I just wish that someone could draw me a map to ensure that the next step I make won’t be the wrong one…Or was this the right step all along? A step the seemingly wrong direction to help me find the right direction?

I guess only time will tell.

To Live, Luv, + Leave El Lay

Arielle Miller / Adventure, Alive, balance, Blog, Build connections, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Fitness, LAUSD, Lifestyle, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Begin Again, Being Courageous, Equinox, Leaving Los Angeles, Lompoc, Lompoc Unified School District, Los Angeles, Los Olivios, New Job, New Life, Overcoming Obstacles, Podcast, Proud Teacher, Santa Ynez, Santa Ynez Valley, Starting a New Life, Starting Over, Teacher, Teacher Life / 7 comments

May 8, 2019

The last 15 years of my life have been the absolute best, most challenging, formative years of my life.

Immediately after my undergraduate studies, I ran off to Los Angeles after my college boyfriend broke my heart. I left behind family and virtually no friends, as I did not cultivate relationships with people from high school. While in college, I struggled with my own demons, making it hard for others to want to be around me, so leaving the few lasting friendships did not faze me.

So, at 22 years old, I ran off to Los Angeles to escape myself, masking it as self-discovery and reinvention. I started my new life teaching 8^thgrade English at a low-income, high needs, and ‘rough’ school in the heart of urban LA. I did not know of gangs, LA traffic, lip fillers, butt implants, which hipster neighborhood to live in, the meaning of cholo, or how to get into the coolest clubs. Nonetheless, I leapt head first into a life where ignorance was bliss, thus allowing me to thrive. Precisely because I had zero sense of failure, it never crossed my mind that I could actually fail at something.

My love affair with Los Angeles blossomed virtually instantaneously, and I was smitten with this city. From the late night burrito and taco spots, to the laid back nature in which teachers dressed for work, to the upper echelon of bougie Beverly Hills, fancy restaurants, bars, and clubs, to the beach, to the gritty and tough environment of my teaching jobs—I loved this city and she loved me.

Los Angeles embraced my incessant desire to express myself through clothes, hair, and tattoos. Various administrators turned a blind eye to my self-generated, edgy, and contemporary English Language Arts curriculum, thus allowing me to find my place as an educator and flourish. Even my no nonsense and unapologetic approach to teaching my fitness classes was welcomed [in most cases, haha]. Los Angeles just seemed to get me and LA looked damn good on me.

Oh, to live and die in LA.

Los Angeles is my home. In fact, if you were to ask me where I were from, I would respond, “El Lay”. Yes, I was born and raised in New York, but Los Angeles is where I grew into the woman I am today. Los Angeles has shaped my belief systems, passions, politics, and so much more.

I am a proud Angeleno through and through.

Life in LA is not just good for me. It is great.

And so, it seems only fitting that after the best years of my life, having established myself in working for Equinox, one of the most prestigious fitness brands in the world and recently getting promoted at the school district, it is time for a new adventure…Right?!

Recently, while on Spring Break in Los Olivos with my husband Greg, we were presented with an opportunity to relocate to our Happy Place. A place that we dreamed of living ‘one day’ without ever really thinking that ‘one day’ would actually come [well before retirement that is].

After a beautiful love affair with Los Angeles, my husband and I will be moving to Santa Ynez Valley, California’s Central Coast to begin a new life and adventure in Los Olivos.

Before I get into the details, I do want to share something with you all.

When I first met my husband nearly six years ago, I told him I dreamed of moving to this ‘small town called Los Olivos’. Greg scoffed at the idea of me—ME, living in a small town. But after our first trip up to the area together in June 2014, Greg said to me, “Now, I get it.” It was then our little dream started to incubate. We toiled with moving. We chuckled while drinking wine in the tasting rooms and talked about how “One day…” while telling everyone we met during our trips to the Santa Ynez Valley that ‘we want to move up here’. I mean, come on. How many tourists say shit like that?! Ahem, like everyone, but how many actually do it?!

Then, in November of 2018, I made a vision board. Upon arriving home from another blissful trip to our “Happy Place”, I started gathering images evoking positive feelings associated with the life I wanted to live…The life I wanted—no, was going to manifest. These images were simple, capturing rolling hills, wine, horses, books, some athletic clothing, and a simple life. Quite the departure from the life I lived in LA. I looked at my vision board and if I am being honest, I didn’t think much other than it was pretty badass. Before landing on my closet door, my vision board remained propped up on our bar in the living room for a few weeks.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think, could I think, or would I think that in a matter of months, literally every single thing on that vision board would leap off the page to become my new reality. Talk about The Law of Attraction, that’s for sure!

Greg will soon, and by soon, I mean very soon, transition back into managing a restaurant as the General Manager for The Bear and Star at The Fess Parker Inn. In addition, I am eager to report that I too have gotten a new job at Lompoc Unified School District (LUSD). Talk about mind meld—from LAUSD to LUSD that sure is going to take some getting used to on my part. I am thrilled to share with you all that next year, I assume my new position at Lompoc High School teaching 9^thgrade English and English Language Development (ELD). Now, as someone who has just spent the past year in an out-of-classroom district role, the terminology used to reference this transition is, ‘I am going back to the classroom’. And I need to tell you, I never liked that phrasing and I like it even less now seeing it ascribed to my venture moving out of LAUSD. The term ‘going back to the classroom’ implies some sort of demotion, or assumption that the role of a classroom teacher is somehow lesser than working in an out-of-classroom capacity. Simply, that is not true. I am not going ‘back’ anywhere. I am returning to a place where I am needed most. A place where 150 bodies walk through my door every day and it is my job to empower, inspire, and educate them. A place where what I say and how I do my work can potentially alter the trajectory of someone’s life for the better. A place where hormones, out bursts, pimples, and boyfriend/girlfriend drama are commonplace. A place, a place…

A place where I feel whole, overwhelmed with purpose doing the best work in the world. A place where I know what I say may not resonate in the immediate, but will reverberate years down the line. A place where I learn everyday through the eyes of a child. A place where I am the best I can be.

That place is THE CLASSROOM.

So, when I say I am ‘going back to the classroom,’ I am going home. I am going to MY PLACE where I shine brightest by helping others tap into their greatest potential.

Now, that is not without saying that I am not scared to take this step, because I am. I am terrified to leave the only meaningful friendships I have ever known. To relinquish my fitness classes that I worked so hard for, earning my place on a schedule, and then building a following. To leave a well-respected district position with LA Unified where I thrived and looked at my career in education and said, “It’s all up from here!”

And trust me, I saw it all. In two years I would be an Assistant Principal…then a Principal, then…

Nevertheless, sometimes things change. Sometimes plans, ambitions, and dreams evolve and that is OK! For the last seven years, I have taught group fitness, six of those years for Equinox. The grind and hustle of working, maintaining, and remaining at the top of my craft in two career fields has taken everything I had deep within me. Also, it has taken my time from self-care, social engagements, and didn’t leave anything left for passion projects like this blog, my motivational speaking, my new podcast Leveling Up with Arielle Miller, and so much more. My entire 30’s have been dominated by work, work, work, and all I have to show for the ferocious commitment to my careers are some Instagram followers, extreme fatigue, low self-esteem from the fitness industry since I will never ‘look good enough’, and a wholllleee lotta leggings.

Seriously though, we celebrate this no-days off mentality, this constant “I’ll sleep when I am dead’ mentality but that’s just it—you’ll be dead, so you won’t be able to reap the joys of your constant laboring. There must be—no, there IS more to life than zipping through life at a million miles an hour. How can I, rather, how can one, enjoy this life if you are too busy to even experience it? For me, this move is about re-establishing balance and boundaries in my life. This move is about giving myself the permission I would have never been able to give myself living in Los Angeles. Permission to begin again, to step back, to give up classes, to work out more purposefully, and to simply DO ME.

Wow, do me. Now, that frightens me. How does one go from having seemingly ‘no time’, to now being able to have the accessibility to pursue matters of the heart and soul simply because one can as opposed to IFthey can…?

Sure, some may call me brave for willingly catapulting myself into the unknown, but remember this:

People are only brave because they are scared.

Moving is scary. Leaving a fitness community, gym, job, colleagues, routine, and so much more that is familiar, safe, and comfortable is a lot for me to grapple with and I would be lying if I told you that I was so strong that I handled this in stride. I have cried every day since Greg and I said “YES” to us and a new life. And I haven’t cried for any other reason than lamenting leaving whilst being SO excited to hit the reset button on my life. Also, in some respects I am mourning a figurative death as I leave my beloved El Lay and all that I have come to love in all its familiarity.

In deciding to leave LA, I feel like I am letting so many people down. I feel like I am turning my back on those who need me, even though we damn well know I am doing nothing of the sort. It just feels like I am choosing to throw away a life I have worked tirelessly to build, even though I know that is not true and it’s only my silly perception. However, in reflecting with my husband…Should we move? Should we not move?

Me and Greg at a Carhartt wine tasting in LA in March/April 2018

What if it doesn’t work out?

We kept asking ourselves,What if it DOES work out?

For the both of us, the resounding thought was, what if in 20 years from now we looked over at one another and wondered what could have been…What if we said aloud, “Remember when we could have taken a grand adventure, but we were too scared to…”

What ifwe don’t take this chance?

Shoulda

Coulda

Woulda

Truth be told, I am more terrified to take this giant step then words can convey. But you know what’s even more scary? Not taking this leap of faith and living a life of what if, and wondering. Frankly, I believe the greatest tragedy of one’s life, is to not live life to its fullest capability because of fear. That is not living. That is always playing it safe and never growing or learning because one was too afraid to leave their comfort zone.

I really cannot think of anything more tragic than wishing, wanting, hoping, and never DOING. Life is meant to be lived by taking risks. This risk needs to be taken.

My friends will always be there.

Work will always be there.

Fitness will always be there.

But this chance to jump head first into the abyss of the unfamiliar, most certainly won’t.

Fifteen years ago I ran away to LA to flee a life I did not have. Now, while this move looks as if I am walking away from so much, I do not see this as walking away from anything, so much as running towards something.

America, The Time for Reform is NOW

Arielle Miller / Accountability, Adversity, anger, Awareness, Challenges, Community, Hard Work, School, Teacher Life, Top Stories, World / Addiction, Columbine, Education, Government, Gun Control, Internet and social media addiction, Las Vegas, Mass Shootings, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Psychology, Public Education, Reform, Restorative Justice, School Shootings, Social Media, System, Teacher Life, Teachers, Video Game Addiction / 2 comments

October 3, 2017

In the wake of the mass shooting that occurred in Las Vegas late Sunday night on October 1, 2017, we are a nation in mourning. Overwhelmed by sadness, why’s, knee-jerk responses, passionate social media posts, cries for gun reform, and blame; we are desperately searching for answers. Where does one even really being to process such a senseless act of violence and tragic loss of life? How do we explain the world in which we reside to our children? Who is responsible? Why did this happen? And how on earth did this happen?! Our questions are endless and sadly, many of them will remain unanswered. However, I would like to offer my insight to mass shootings in this country.

Growing up, I lived Columbine and other school shootings. Not lived through or experienced in the literal sense but the fear I felt, worrying if my idle Long Island town would be rocked by such violence was very, very real.

It was a terrifying time to be a teen. The media had dubbed the time period surrounding Columbine ‘Shooting Season’. Daily, my peers and I came to school and walked the halls with trepidation…

Wondering…

Watching…

Alert.

Anonymous notes flooded in to our counselors reporting any signs of odd behavior, depression, Goth kids, and anyone we considered to possibly perpetrate violence on a grand scale. It was a scary time coming to age during this era, all while the world was also on the brink of a cyber revolution.

According to MarketWatch, the break down for reasons the 10 Most Deadly Mass Shootings in U.S. History are as is follows: Both Mental Health Issues and Terrorism/Crimes of hate each account for 8/10 crimes committed. The remaining 2 acts of violence cite work place revenge and most recently; the massacre in Las Vegas is still a mystery as the motive is currently unknown.

What I am about to unearth are my theories regarding mass shootings in America. Some of my theories are deduced from my own experience, some research, and anecdotal evidence garnered as a public educator for 13 years. Much of the lens I am examining this problem is though the current youth, our education system, and other problems that I have identified in American society. You may very well not agree with me, but all I ask is that you keep an open mind and are receptive to my points. I aim merely to offer perspective and insight in a time when lucidity gets muddied as our emotions get the better of us.

1. Inability to Appropriately Address and Treat Mental Health Issues Properly

The mental health crisis in this country is one of great concern. It is truly an abomination how we recognize, treat, and care for our mentally ill. Depression, anxiety, and personality disorders are stigmatized, not talked about, and presented as if some dirty secret.

Additionally, health care is not readily available nor affordable to much of the population; therefore, compounding the issue for people trying to seek help.

Social workers and other mental health providers are over worked and underpaid. Schools often have only one social worker, who is shared between multiple school sites. Students are shuffled in and out of the system quickly because it’s overloaded and as if that weren’t enough, our society criminalizes the mentally ill!

As a public school teacher, I have read countless journals from my students about depression, self-harming behavior, and bullying. I have also observed/been privy to information regarding many disturbing behaviors in children from sexually assaulting other children with foreign objects, to children killing their pets and gloating about it. I have seen these problems get swept under the rug, dismissed, or not adequately addressed because we simply do not have the man power or resources to treat these children.

Every adult that has carried out mass shootings, was once a child—a student in someone’s classroom. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris were teens who wrote disturbing pieces in their English classes, maintained online websites, and personal journals all leading up to the horrific Columbine Shooting in Littleton, Colorado on April 20, 1999.

Where were the teachers? Why weren’t services offered to these boys? But really what I am talking about here, or wondering rather, is why haven’t we learned? Why can’t we have a real conversation about real issues and real things that matter? Who really gives a shit about Keeping Up with The Kardashians?! We have people who need our help and we are too busy distracting ourselves and cannot see the real issues deserving of our attention.

2. Cyber Revolution: Social Media and Instant Gratification

In 2000, as the millennium rapidly approached, accessibility to the internet, email, and a super highway of information was unleashed on the world. It is a known fact that Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris used the internet as a means to conduct research to acquire weapons, build homemade bombs, and publically post their dark stories of death and murder. What we saw at Columbine, sadly would not be the end of the internet’s role in influencing mass shooter’s mindsets. Whether from exposure to Islamic radicalism, to self-imposed isolation/reclusiveness, or compounding depression and other mental deficiencies; the internet and access to information anywhere, anytime is certainly a factor in such violence.

According to the American Psychological Association, people toggling between 3 or more social media platforms are at greater risk for depression, anxiety, poorer concentration, and changes in mood. Other risk factors associated with extended use of various social media are the effects of cyber bullying, and the pressures of keeping up with the culture of various sites, etc. Ultimately, studies found that these kind of factors lead users to ruminate over their time on social media even when not using it, eventually leading users to negative thoughts about self and low self-esteem.

Our current world is one of instantaneous gratification. Our youth are accustomed to getting answers and communicating in real time. They send texts, direct messages, emails, and Snaps as a means of what they believe to acceptable forms of communication. All too often my students will send me direct messages on Instagram inquiring about class or homework as opposed to emailing me. Read receipts allow people to see when messages were viewed and if a response isn’t rendered immediately, hostility and anger brew within the sender. We are in dangerous water, living in this digital landscape. People expect, no, they demand a double tap on their Instagram photo, a follow for follow, unfollowing on Instagram is a personal affront, texts need to be answered instantaneously, and emails responded to in mere minutes.

Our thought processes are rash and impulsive. Keyboard warriors are hitting send and eagerly anticipating a response as they wage war on others and engage in discussions online in their efforts to communicate. So, as far as I am concerned, people’s ability to wait for things—anything, no longer exists. Science has continued to prove that the internet, social media, [and excessive gaming] have countless negative effects on the brain, social development, and mood.

Why are people so violent? So angry? So quick to act? Simple. Because in the world that exists between their thumbs, life plays out every time you slide your screen down to refresh your feed.

3. No Failure Mechanism in the Face of Moral & Societal Decay

Every generation looks back at their childhood and wonders what in the actual fuck happened to society in their adulthood. At present, I am in my mid-thirties and I find myself looking back at my youth thinking “Ahhhhh, it was a better time” AND the music was a helluva lot better. But perhaps it’s not that things were even better back in my childhood, so much as adulting seriously sucks when you realize the shit storm in which you reside.

We live in an era where words no longer have the meaning they used to. Everyone is overly sensitive, offended, triggered, or incapable of functioning ‘because their feelings were hurt’. Our society has completely and utterly degraded to the point where feelings take precedence over job and academic performance. People are rewarded not for winning or demonstrating mastery, but merely because they tried. Children are given participation awards—no more do we have winners, but everyone who showed up is a winner! Hooray! I do hope you are sensing my sarcasm here. We’ve bred a society of children, young adults, and millennials with zero coping skills and no ability to take feedback to improve because their feelings may get hurt. So when things don’t workout, or go their way; these young people are unable to unpack, cope, and process situations which ultimately culminate with poor behavior, violence, or depression.

Our culture of Nice has produced a bevy of people unwilling to honestly reflect, strive for excellence, and maintain a sense of integrity. In my 13 years in the classroom, I have personally witnessed accountability fall by the wayside as parents, students, and even administrators point fingers to assign blame rather than teach ownership. No one assumes any sort of responsibility; hence, failing to teach people consequences. Cause and effect are shadows of a bygone period. Schools no longer suspend and rarely, if ever expel students. Instead, Restorative Justice is offered as an alternative to Deans of Discipline. Students and teachers sit in a circle and share their feelings with the goal of ‘repairing harm’.

In our society, we are failing miserably at instilling character in our youth. We are not guiding or leading people and showing them how grit and determination will get you far in life. And conversely, we are not showing our youth what happens when you make poor decisions.

Friends. Family. Students. Fellow Americans. We must stand together and make positive change to see this nation soar again and prevent any more violence on such a large scale. Sure, compassion and love are part of the answer. But so is structure, taking care of people’s health, unplugging from social media, and putting an end to unjustly rewarding people/students.

Isn’t it clear that what we are doing isn’t working?

Isn’t it clear that we are failing one another tremendously?

Isn’t it clear that we can do better by those that are suffering?

Isn’t it clear that we need less time on our devices and more time making eye contact?

Isn’t it clear that our country needs radical change that isn’t just legislation?

The time for reform is now before more tragedy unfolds in our country.

The Face of Courage

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, anger, Celebrate, Challenges, Community, Teacher Life, Teaching / Coming Out, Community, Courage, Homosexuality, Love, Middle School, Safe Space, Teacher, Teacher Life / 12 comments

January 12, 2017

As many of you know, my recent years in education have been very difficult. I’ve endured verbal abuse from students and parents, been viciously sexually harassed, accused of and investigated for egregious and baseless claims regarding my teaching practice and craft, worked for inept and simply uninvolved administration—and the list goes on.

In an effort to find my light, love, and a home school to rediscover my love for my work in public service, I landed back at Virgil Middle School—my very first home in Los Angeles 12 years ago. My fall semester was agonizing and I will leave it at that. Every single class on my roster except my honors class had failing averages. I made countless parent phone calls, met with virtually every single parent (some more than once), and honestly, my spirit was broken. So when I assigned my most recent oral project to my students; as you can imagine, my expectations were admittedly quite low. What happened next are a series of events that will forever be etched upon my soul that have truly transformed me.

The assignment was simple: Depict yourself in the duality of how the world sees you juxtaposed to how you see yourself. Students could choose to convey themselves in human or animal form.

One after the other, my students stood in front of their classmates and authentically shared their darkest deepest hurt, insecurities, battles, and above all their revelations.

One girl in her power stood in front of us and said (and I paraphrase), “I am tired of hiding, pretending, and feeling different. I am tired of fighting who I am and I need to tell you, tell the world that I am gay. And I know that many people in the world will have a problem with that, but I am just so confused and I am so tired of not feeling like I can be myself. But here I am—I not hiding any more. I am gay.”

Every single student in my class had started crying. Tears flowed from my face and onto my sweater. I was so engrossed in what was unfolding before my eyes, I hadn’t bothered to wipe my face. I stood up and applauded loudly. I hugged the young girl and looked her in the face and told her how brave she was, and that her courage inspired me.

Then, a young boy raised his hand, “Can I go next?”

In his soft and delicate voice, he told us that he much prefers to hang out with the girls. That he’s afraid that he won’t have friends or that people will judge him if he tells them who he really is, how he really feels, and of his struggles with his sexuality. He tells us that he’s fearful the people on his sports teams will not accept him, bully him, and treat him differently if he tells them who he really is.

Then, he looked at the young girl who previously shared, she is sobbing and the entire class is too. He thanked her for giving him the courage to stand tall in front of his classmates and share with us that he was bisexual.

Students raised their hands, asking if they could talk to these young people. And right there in room 325, lives were changed, perspectives forever altered, compassion facilitated, and bridges were built. Student after student, with tears staining their faces exclaimed that they have these students backs forever, that they love them, support them, and that love is love—who the hell cares what someone looks like as we are all human and deserve to feel worthy in this world.

My students lined up to hug these pioneers. Audible sobs emerged from the masses of huddled bodies congregating in various parts of the room and I couldn’t help but someone think that every single bit of what I have been through led me to this very moment in time. Every time I sat in an office and was reprimanded for my rigor and high standards, every parent complaint that I gave too much homework, every kid who cursed me out, and even the parent who verbally attacked me in room full of parents was supposed to happen. It was preparing me to be able to hold space for these young people and gave me opportunity to create a safe zone for my students. And the thing is, I would do it all over again. What happened today was supposed to happen. I was supposed to be a vessel for these young people to find safety, stability, love, a voice, and above all—I helped them find themselves.

You know, they say that the greatest lessons to be learned about life, love, purpose, meaning, and priority are to be learned from children. Today, I saw the many faces of courage and that love always, always, always, wins.