Fitness

The Rise of Hard Core Fitness Culture

Arielle Miller / Podcast / Body Building, Body Image, Body Inclusivity, Dieting, Disordered Eating, Exercise, Fitness, Fitness Culture, Influencer, Instafamous, Instafit, Instafitness, Instagram, Online Training Program, Overtraining, Social Media, Trainer / 0 comments

March 19, 2019

Today’s world is filled with a constant supply of fitness content via the social media influencer. Instagram and the like are filled with Instamodels promoting their #instafitness with discount codes, selling programming, and sharing progress pics with chiseled abs. But is this constant obsession with needing to look a certain way, and ‘no days off mentality’ doing more harm than good? In this episode I freely address the damning effects fitness imagery is having on the masses and discuss the steps one can take to live a more balanced life while redefining one’s relationship with fitness, health, wellness, and the people we choose to follow on social media.

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My Healing Journey, Part II

Arielle Miller / 30 day cleanse, Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, At Home Workouts, Body Building, Celebration, Challenges, cleanse, Commitment, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Holistic Nutrition, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Nutrition, Updates / candida, candida cleanse, Fitness, Hard work, healing, Healing Journey, Health, Health and Wellness, Holistic Health, Holistic Nutrition, infertility, innercising, looking for answers, Mindfulness, rest and relaxation, Seeking answers / 0 comments

November 21, 2018

Everything Mona said made sense. It was eerie how well this woman knew what was happening to me and explained the long process ahead to getting me healthy again. But alas, it could be done. For the first time in a year, I had answers, someone who wanted to and could help, and an action plan. A few days later, I started on my natural supplement plan and Phase I of my Healing Journey which was [is] a very strict Candida Cleanse among other things.

One week in, and my clothes started to fit better.

One week in, the puffiness and swelling in my body and face disappeared.

One week in, I lost 7 pounds and started to feel lighter again. Not just in the literal sense, but as in taking up space. It is an odd thing to say in describing yourself, but prior to these positive changes in my body I just felt so off—so, so, so very darn off.

Then, just about one week in, I decided to go completely plant-based (as it was, we had cut my meat consumption dramatically to only one meal per day, so this was an easy transition).

Two weeks in, and my energy levels increased sustainably and now I do not need to nap just to get through the day.

Two weeks in, and my mood has changed. My overall demeanor is upbeat, positive, and I am feeling less and less anxious each day.

Two weeks in, I have lost another 2 pounds; making my total weight loss 9 pounds so far and there is STILL so much more work to be done (and note at the time this post goes live, I have not weighed myself, but I have had to take all my work clothes to the tailor to be taken in the waist!).

At three weeks in which is today, it will have been 29 days that I have been living a renewed and better life than I have lived in the last year.

But it doesn’t stop there. This work is not just about diet and supplementation. It’s about putting in time to ‘Innercise’ too. Each night I write in a gratitude journal noting the day’s highs and lows. I wrote recently on Instagram how this process has shown me that while we think there is always so much bad in our lives, it simply isn’t true. Each day, my Highs FAR outweigh the lows. As a matter of fact, in reflection most days, I cannot even think of a low. I’ve realized through this process that we ruminate on the negative things in our lives because we choose not to see the good. That, and we simply lack the capacity to see the good because we do not know how to filter it out from the perceived ‘bad’ in our lives. This process is showing me how to consciously seek out the light in my life and celebrate daily victories.

But, you want to know where the biggest shift has happed?

Some days I don’t workout. Yes, that’s right. Some days, I just come home from work, meal prep, read, watch some TV, and don’t go to the gym. I’m learning everyday how to listen to my body and its needs. If I am run down emotionally, mentally, and physically—hitting heavy weights will only exasperate my problems and existing negative feelings. Forcing myself to workout is just that—forced and at times felt like a punishment. Fitness and movement should never feel like you are serving a prison sentence. That is why I have worked intentionally to reframe what I do and when. At present while on my ‘Healing Journey’, I have completely phased out all heavy weight lifting. No Crossfit, no powerlifting, no body building, and no weight lifting at all. I have re-integrated yoga, steady state cardio, and added boxing to my workout routine with the occasional HIIT class here and there. And you know what’s happening? CHANGES!

I am actually becoming more fit by doing less.

I will say that again—I am actually becoming more fit by doing less.

My cardiovascular platform improves with every session in the gym. I am boxing longer, feeling less gassed out during workouts, getting faster, AND leaner by working smarter as opposed to harder.

What’s the catch?

What’s the takeaway?

Well, I think it’s clear.

If you want to make great changes in your life, you have to be willing to change your current trajectory and path. It is impossible to expect any shifts in your life if you aren’t willing to bend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah and I thought and said all the things:

I am working out and doing so hard, I am getting rest, I am eating healthy, I am seeing all the right doctors and specialists—blah, blah, blah, blah.

But what real changes was I actually making?

That’s the question.

As I excitedly navigate my new normal, eating what I call ‘unbreakfast foods’ for breakfast like brussels sprouts, eggs, and cauliflower with chicken bone broth (I am aware this isn’t plant based, but due to the gut-healing effects of bone broth, I am keeping it in my diet); I have chosen to alter my life. I have started to take control of my reality by flipping the script on my diet, the types of workouts I am doing while healing, and assessing how I feel about doing them. If an upcoming workout is stressing me out or rendering negative emotions—I skip it and do something else, or nothing at all. I am living slower. Taking on less, saying ‘No’ more and putting my husband and myself first. I stop to meditate, write in a journal, and truly reflect on the blessings in my life. I would have never thought that in the midst of getting healthy again that I would feel so blessed and bountiful.

During this amazing shift in my life, it was time for me to see the fertility specialist. Remember in my last post I mentioned I had seen a gynecologist who referred me to a specialist to address my cycle? When I made the appointment waaaaayyyyy back in August, November seemed like a lifetime away then; but the time had arrived nonetheless. Greg accompanied me to the extensive 2-hour appointment and workup. After a thorough medical history regarding menstruation, it was decided more data was need to confirm what everyone has suspected for years; that I do not ovulate.

Translation for those of you who do not understand the implications of this: If I had wanted to get pregnant, I could not become pregnant. I appear to menstruate irregularly, but it’s break through bleeding. Ultimately, the lining of my uterus is thickening as a result of not ‘sluffing’ it out monthly which could potentially lead to cancer. Finally, not menstruating regularly is a clear marker of hormonal dysfunction—period, see what I did there?!

Some tests confirmed what the doctors already suspected; I am indeed not ovulating which means I am not producing progesterone. And while I was diagnosed 4 years ago with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I do not actually have it. This recent discovery was a suspicion my doctors and I raised in July because I didn’t have the symptoms of PCOS aside from irregular menses and difficulty losing weight. Ahem, this could be basically ANYTHING?! That said, when I did the research 4 years ago and I was given the initial diagnosis, it seemed right enough. So, I took the Metformin I was prescribed and accepted that this was how things were. I am so glad we took a closer look at this because in July 2018, my doctors told me to stop taking the Metformin. I mean, it wasn’t like it was actually helping control my weight. I was on the maximum dosage while gaining weight rapidly, so there was no point to take the drug unnecessarily.

This whole reproductive health discussion may appear off topic, but it’s not. This is all part of the bigger picture–the whole picture, the complete picture. How can I truly expect to be healthy if one crucial system of my body is shut down, dormant, and not fully functional? Whether I want to have children or not isn’t the issue here and that I want to make clear. Getting my body what it needs to start working again on its own is the goal.

Greg and I asked the doctors if my reproductive challenges played a role in my weight gain and other issues that I have experienced in recent years. They can’t emphatically conclude that it’s the sole culprit, but not ovulating does have its implications and certainly could have played a role. At present, I have been prescribed a 10-day cycle of progesterone to try to induce my period. If that doesn’t work, we go from there*. But again, it comes back to this—I am taking the right steps and actions to get healthy. I am taking a proactive role in my health and doing that AND getting answers feels so darn good.

I mean it when I say that I feel like I have been given a brand new life. I know now that this all had to happen for a reason…

So I could share my tale and inspire others to regain their health. Don’t be afraid to keep asking questions and demanding answers. Don’t stop seeking the answers, even in what may appear like the most unlikely of sources. And most importantly, don’t ever give up. You only get once change to live this life in the one body you were given, so give it your all—you deserve to feel better in your body!

*Since this post was written, further tests concluded much to everyone’s surprise it appears that I am actually ovulating. I was advised not to take the progesterone and will return to the fertility specialist in 3 months to monitor my reproductive system. Again, still lots of question marks, but the doctors and I are working in tandem to get to the bottom of this. I feel more optimistic than ever that in the near future, we will have more answers.

My Healing Journey, Part I

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, balance, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Hard Work, Holistic Nutrition, Keto, Ketogenic Diet, mindfulness, Nutrition, Strength Training, Updates / Autoimmune, Autoimmune Disease, Autoimmunity, Fitness, Healing Journey, Health, Health and Wellness, Seeking answers, Unexplained weight gain, Weight / 2 comments

November 13, 2018

Over the last year I have struggled tremendously. If you follow me on any of my social media outlets, especially on Instagram—you have watched my unraveling as my weight spiraled out of control without any discernable cause or explanation. I became more and more lethargic, depressed, anxious, frustrated, and more crippled by my inability to focus as a result of debilitating brain fog with each passing day.

Every day I’d wake up, walk to my closet and sift through my clothes, “Nope. No. Not that. That doesn’t fit. Not that either. Nope. No. No. No.” Which finally always culminated in a breakdown of tears in frustration because I literally couldn’t get dressed for work. Absolutely NOTHING I owned fit me any longer. Even my stretchy clothes and my sports bras were almost too tight to wear, and as it was, there were already some stretchy clothes I could no longer fit into. Demoralized, enraged, broken down I spent the last few months seeking answers.

I spent my entire summer in and out of doctor’s offices. Prior to this point, as my body and energy level started to change I sought out the help of a Registered Dietician. I was Crossfitting 4-5 days a week, counting macros, adding in rest days, adjusted my sleep schedule and in the end; the RD I was working with finally said to me she could no longer accept my money because in spite of everything she did to help me lean out and build some muscle, we were making zero progress.

Then, I saw a rheumatologist and she tested me for nearly every possible thing known to man, including my hormones. My blood work all came back normal with the exception of a positive ANA (Antinuclear Antibodies) which is the marker for autoimmunity and positive Thyroid antibodies, AKA Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies. This meant that my body was showing signs of an autoimmune condition called Hashimoto’s Disease, but since I still had normal Thyroid function; these tests did not indicate I was suffering from an autoimmune disease. Since I was not quite sick enough to be treated, the doctor told me this could be reversed with lifestyle changes.

Lifestyle changes…?

Yoga, meditation, not working out, self-care, therapy, de-stressing, and generally just slowing down.

Lifestyle changes?! What do you mean? I eat well, workout, just got promoted, have a great apartment, in a city I love, where I get to share my life with an incredible husband, I have great friends, a wonderful family—what possible changes do I need to make to my life?!

I felt like this was fucking bullshit. But nonetheless, begrudgingly I made all the changes the doctor told me to make. I revamped my daily meditation practice, cut out the weight lifting, started walking, doing more yoga, resting, and trying to slow down.

In June 2018, I went Keto (short for the Ketogenic Diet), which in my last post at one week into the diet raved about how it was changing my life. However, what I failed to do was update that post. Because after my first week on Keto where it appeared that I had lost some weight at week two, I was UP three pounds, then four, then five and before I knew it—by summer’s end I had gained 13 pounds and increased my body fat by 10%! While I did not know this at the time, even as I phased out a Ketogenic lifestyle, alllllll the healthy fats from avocados, Primal Kitchen dressings, nuts, oils, and nut butters were LITERALLY TURNING MY BODY INTO FAT. While Keto aficionados will vehemently oppose this, do your research. There is a small amount of the population that Keto:

– Doesn’t work

– Actually promotes fat gain because the body’s systems, specifically the liver are so taxed that it cannot metabolize the fat. So, the fat is NEVER actually used as fuel and is well, just fat

This was clearly the case for me. Keto wasn’t The Magic Pill and I was devastated.

In July 2018, I saw an endocrinologist. My blood panels were all normal and that was the end of my treatment. What treatment? Yea, my thoughts exactly. Western medicine nowadays is comprised of running blood tests, discerning whether the results are within the normal range or not, then sending an email with the results. Today’s medicine practitioners aren’t actually concerned with identifying root causes, just prescribing a pill and calling it a day. But I digress.

In August 2018, my husband and I spent $1,000 of money we did not have at Bulletproof Labs, a Biohacking facility in Santa Monica to aide in my recovery. We were hoping that this fringe science was the answer to our prayers. It wasn’t, as it did not work.

In late August into September 2018, I started working with a naturopath. I saw her weekly where she conducted ‘Muscle Testing’ to determine the dosing of herbs and supplements I would take that week. During this time, despite her attempts to stop or slow my weight gain, I kept gaining about 1.5-2 pounds a week. Finally, after 5 weeks, she referred me to someone with more experience to help me because after spending nearly $100/week to seek treatment from her, I wasn’t getting any better.

During this time, I also saw a gynecologist. She biopsied my uterus to rule out Uterine cancer since she believed I wasn’t ovulating; nor had been doing so for the past 10 years. So, just to be safe, what was supposed to be a routine visit to dig deeper into my hormonal issues; she biopsied my uterus. Gentleman, you have NO IDEA what this entails nor could possibly feel like. Ladies, if you’ve had a LEEP procedure you can infer how this felt—and I had a LEEP in my 20’s. THIS WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT. It was HORRIBLY painful and uncomfortable. I mean we are talking about taking a chunk out of someone’s flesh and I will just stop there.

Thankfully, the biopsy was negative, but I was directed to a fertility specialist to delve deeper into my ovulation, or lack thereof. Table this—more on this later.

Why this long case history of my last few months? I felt it vital to understanding my last year was filled with counting macros, The Whole30, intuitive eating, going Keto, reverting back to my body building diet; all while pushing myself harder and harder in the gym and at Crossfit and making no gains. Over the last year, I was so devoid of energy that workouts wiped me out. More specifically, during intense exertion, I crumbled and couldn’t perform. I had an entire year without one Personal Record, no competitions or meets, and nothing to show for my hard work other than severe depression and anxiety, a thickening waistline with 25 pounds added to my barely 5’1 frame, fatigue, no menses, and yet according the doctors I was ‘healthy.’

I refused to accept that this life was my new normal. What’s more, I couldn’t fathom how the medical world wasn’t boggled nor concerned as to how and why I was exponentially gaining weight.

Thankfully in early fall, salvation was delivered in the form of a chance meeting at a Reiki healing event with my husband that our amazing rheumatologist had organized. Mona, a gorgeous woman with radiant skin, lush brown hair, magnetic energy, and an adorable baby just so happened to know Greg AND our rheumatologist! What a small world and in the vastness of LA, an even smaller city. Turns out, Mona is a Holistic Nutritionist and so, so, so much more.

After meeting Mona, a few weeks passed before Greg suggested I reach out to her. I mean, what did I have to lose [pun intended]? Mona called me and we spoke for about an hour. She asked me questions about my health and goals, shared some personal anecdotes about her own struggles, and her process to help people regain their health. Our conversation was effortless. Mona is infectiously likeable, genuine, caring, and INSANELY knowledgeable. I knew the moment I ended that call that help had arrived.

Mona sent along her client intake forms and a host of other materials for me to complete. I couldn’t get them back to her fast enough. I was ready to heal and get this journey going already! Over the two weeks to come, Mona poured over my forms and all of my extensive blood panels from the last 2 months. And when I say poured over them, she texted, emailed, and called to gather more information and ask more questions. At the end of the two weeks, we had a 2-hour phone call where she went over the data and a 10-page treatment plan.

Answers.

FINALLY.

Stay tuned for my second installment, My Healing Journey, Part II next week. If you do not subscribe to my blog, make sure you do so ensuring you don’t ever miss a post. Until then, stay healthy my friends.

Adventures in #GoingKeto

Arielle Miller / #GoingKeto, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Commitment, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Hard Work, Keto, Ketogenic Diet, Lifestyle / Crossfit, Diabetes, Fat as Fuel, Fitness, Health, Health and Wellness, Insulin Resistant, Keto, Keto Diet, Ketogenic Diet, Mark Sisson, Metabolic Damage, Metabolic Dysfunction, Nutritional Science, Obesity, PCOS, stress / 1 comment

June 28, 2018

There have been a lot of things going on in my life, your life, and well; everyone’s life. So, when things beyond the political climate, World Cup, and life are already out of balance; how do you cope when your body is also out of balance?

I know for me, it kind of seems like things all hit me at once. Work, gym, health, and family stuff all seem to come hurling towards me at the same time. From getting a promotion at work—YAY! To switching CrossFit boxes—YAY! To monitoring and worrying constantly about my husband’s health—BOO! To addressing my own health issues—BOO! To my sister getting married in July—YAY! And more.

I mean, there is SO much ‘YAY!’ in my life, but that doesn’t change the fact that change comes with added stress. And currently, I am dealing with addressing my mechanisms for dealing with stressors in my life and it turns out; I am pretty darn shitty about coping with stress. Who woulda thunk?!

In the last few months there has been a major shift in my life. I cannot pinpoint exactly when it happened; but what I was doing to keep my body healthy clearly didn’t seem to be working anymore. Even with a Registered Dietician helping me monitor my macros and counseling me; my skeletal muscle kept going down and my body fat kept creeping up. What that means is, my body was buring its muscle and holding onto fat instead of the reverse. But nonetheless, I stayed the course. I continued to count macros and weigh my food dillgently while hitting my workouts hard. Then one day, my clothes stopped fitting. It wasn’t gradual like one may think. It was just one day, when the buttons on my jeans wouldn’t close. Then another day, I couldn’t get my shorts up over my knees. Then my sports bras became so tight I had to cycle most of them out of the rotation along with most of my stretchy pants because well, now apparently my stretchy clothes weren’t stretchy enough.

I cannot even begin to tell you how many tears I’ve shed and the hours I’ve spent talking to friends about how my body seems to keep rejecting me and all the changes I keep trying to implement. So, I began reading and listening to podcasts from leading doctors and researchers in health and wellness to try to help myself achieve results and feel better in this body.

Here are a few things I have learned—

Metabolic Dysfunction, or as some call it Metabolic Damage, is real. It’s demoralizing, damning, frustrating, and depressing. Years and years of dieting, calorie restriction, working with the wrong people, PCOS, as well as an eating disorder in my teen years have lead me to this very moment. A moment where my body is over-producing insulin, clinging to fat in my mid-section, and taxed out from over-training, lack of rest, and high-stress.

For me though, the hardest part about suffering from Metabolic Dysfunction are what I perceive to be people’s judgments of my body and lifestyle. Countless times doctors have looked me in the face and told me I couldn’t possibly be counting macros or eating well. I can’t tell you how many times the same doctors and even some coaches told me that I couldn’t possibly be hitting as many workouts as I claim, or hard enough since my body isn’t changing. And I can’t even tell you how many times I have left doctor’s offices after a plethora of tests to hear, “Your blood work is fantastic and you’re healthy!” because I sure as hell don’t feel healthy!

But my big issue isn’t that doctors can’t pinpoint my Metabolic Dysfunction; it’s that they don’t want to. They do the standard tests, and the standard tests render standard numbers, and I am simply labeled a standard carb addicted American eating too much bad fat [enter sarcasm].

But really, the worst thing of it all amidst my epic weight gain, is being a fitness professional and an athlete. Compelled by this need to justify my physique, I talk about what I am eating—or not eating. How much I am work out—or about the intensity of my workouts in some almost pathetic effort to say to people and the world, “Look?! See?! I really do work hard, just see past this body!”

Which is why my current foray into nutrition has lead me to adopt a Ketogenic Diet and lifestyle with the hopes that its claims at being able to restore healthy metabolic functioning can get me closer to my goals. I am just shy of one week #GoingKeto and so far, I love it. For the first time in YEARS I am excited about food again. I am trying new things like eating beef and will even be trying Bison in the near future when I am forced to eat it by my husband. I mean, who am I?!

What is a Ketogenic Diet, or Keto?

Simply, it’s low carb, healthy high fat, and moderate protein. There’s so much bad information out there referring to Keto as high fat/high protein and that’s just wrong! Too much protein is actually bad for you! Also, Keto encourages the use of healthy fats like avocado, olive, and coconut oils to eat and cook with. YES, Keto does also endorse consumption of ghee, grass-fed butter, and dare I say it—the cheese. However, integrated with organic meats and veggies, eating these foods means that you are setting your body up to become metabolically adaptive and flexible.

By becoming metabolically flexible, it means that after committing strictly to Keto for 4-8 weeks (depending on your body), you can then occasionally reintegrate things you enjoy without feeling sluggish, bloated, or gaining weight. Keto if and when done right, can liberate you from the cycle of yo-yo dieting; becoming a sustainable lifestyle that will allow you to enjoy life’s sweeter or more savory pleasures from time to time.

I suppose the biggest things I’ve gotten from people are the following:

“OMG! You are eating heavy cream, butter, and all that fat! That’s going to make you fat!”

AND

“OMG! How are you even surviving on virtually no carbs?!? I could NEVER do that!”

Well, let me drop some science on you.

First, for years and years the low-fat, high carb lifestyle has been promoted as healthy. Want to lose weight? Cut your fat and exercise more! Eat low-fat foods, lots of healthy grains, and don’t forget the carbs because you’ll need all that energy to burn in your workouts! And what happened? Our waistlines continued to expand, obesity, AND Type II Diabetes grew at alarming rates. So, sure—we should certainly keep cutting fat and eating carbs; it’s clearly working [enter sarcasm again]. As if my words aren’t convincing enough, maybe Harvard’s School of Public Health may sway you:

“It’s time to end the low-fat myth. For decades, a low-fat diet was touted as a way to lose weight and prevent or control heart disease and other chronic conditions, and food companies re-engineered products to be reduced-fat or fat-free, often compensating for differences in flavor or texture by increasing amounts of salt, sugar, or refined grains. However, as a nation, following a low-fat diet hasn’t helped us control weight or become healthier.”

When living Keto, you go into a state of Ketosis. This is where your body produces Ketones then burns them for energy instead of carbs. The Ketogenic Diet will actually prompt your body to burn fat for fuel. Ketosis only happens if you are depleted of carbs (consuming no more than a range of 21-50 grams per day) and I do not mean depleted in the sense of a body builder on prep. So what happens is: when you replace alllllllll those carbs with fat, it becomes your body’s energy source. You feel full, full longer, and more satiated than when eating a diet higher in carbs and grains, which get burned up quickly—leaving you with cravings and still hungry.

WHOA, a ‘diet’ where you feel satisfied, aren’t hungry, and feel more energized?! That is seems utopian. This Keto business must be too good to be true, or is it?

At nearly one week in, I do not miss my carbs. I do not feel sluggish, nearly as tired, and I feel energized. To illustrate my point, most days I am in a CrossFit WOD, teaching multiple high intensity or cardio class formats, and/or adding in another gym session—I am moving and grooving, and I feel GOOD. What’s more is since my meals are so nutrient dense, the need to eat so often has diminished—though I do always make sure to have keto-macro friendly snacks with me like nuts, a nut butter packer, or a cheese stick.

Tomorrow, I weigh myself. I should have started this journey by taking inches and will start that tomorrow. I plan on being as open and transparent about this and my journey as possible. I mean, what do I have to lose…?! All puns intended. The way I see this, I am treating Keto as an experiment. Learning all I can, doing all I can, and eagerly awaiting the results of my experiment.

Still scared of #GoingKeto? Or are you intrigued, tantalized, or ready to consider making some changes? Listen to this podcast featuring Mark Sisson, a leading researcher in the fitness world and be prepared to have your life forever changed!

Will you join me in #GoingKeto? Because right now, I look in the mirror and most days do not recognize the woman I see; but I know that the reflection I see is only temporary.

I will get this body healthy again.

I will love this skin I am in again.

I will move better in this body again.

I will rise again.

When Given the Choice Between Being Right or Being Kind, Choose Kind

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Adversity, Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, Build connections, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Community, Giving Back, Gratitude, Hard Work, Married Life, Scleroderma, Teacher Life, Updates, Yoga / 2018, Autoimmunity, Choose Kind, Fitness, Helping Others, Holiday Season, New Year, New Years Resolution, Scleroderma, Sclerosis, Wellness, Yoga / 2 comments

December 30, 2017

As the New Year rapidly approaches many of us turn our gaze inward for our annual forced introspection and goal setting. For me though, I like to check in with myself periodically to hold myself accountable to the things I love in an effort to live my best life; but like many of us, I too cannot help but feel that same pull as 12:00am on December 31^st inches ever closer.

This year for me has been filled with unforeseen trials, tragedies, and triumphs. From competing in my first ever powerlifting meet, to taking a hiatus from teaching yoga after 5 incredible years, to sharing a blissful 2^nd wedding anniversary with my love, to my sister’s engagement (it only took long enough!), to sadly my grandmother suffering multiple strokes and landing in a nursing home, to coaching at Orangetheory Fitness [then quitting], to gaining 22 pounds, and so, so, so much more.

But also amidst 2017, I was voted onto various committees at my school where I started assuming more responsibilities in pseudo-leadership roles. This year, I have thrived in my classroom as a middle school teacher, and experienced a rejuvenation for my craft I haven’t felt in YEARS. It seemed that my life, while filled with challenges was [finally] falling, no—it was settling into place.

My second life and career in the fitness world teaching cycling, yoga, and other fitness formats for One Down Dog and Equinox was coming full circle. I was being sent to trainings, teaching more formats, and getting recognition in being selected to participate in high-profile events through Equinox like Cycle for Survival and Cycle for Heroes. It seemed that my life was hurling right ahead in all the positive directions I had intended until one fateful April morning when my husband Gregory was diagnosed with Limited Systemic Sclerosis, more commonly known as Scleroderma.

As I have previously written, those early days are hard to recall. They are kind of a blacked out blur. And to be completely honest, much of what I take away is the fear in my husband’s eyes and the ceaseless crying. Just flirting with 2 years of marriage…my beloved husband was delivered earth-shattering news that would forever alter both our lives…

Would Greg die?

What would happen to his body?

How would I assume the role care-taker?

The questions didn’t stop and they haven’t stopped—that’s one of my husband Greg’s greatest and most irksome qualities: His ability to ask incessant, albeit mostly great questions.

We mobilized immediately and jumped head first into the Scleroderma community meeting new people, touched by their stories and strength, making life-long friends, attending galas, donating money, but above all—giving back. Together, side-by-side, Greg and I held a fundraiser at One Down Dog where we got our yoga on and auctioned off donated goods from community partners in raffles and a silent auction for the Scleroderma Foundation of Southern California. Jessica Rosen, One Down Dog’s owner graciously donated the space, matched donations, and helped us do something great for others for no reason other than it was the right thing to do–help those in need.

Inspired by the success of our first fundraiser, Greg and I set our sights on a second fundraiser, but as fate would have it; Greg was promoted to Group Fitness Manager at an Equinox club out of the initial proposed location—putting the fundraiser on hold for the moment. Again, so much darn good this year—that’s for sure.

Look at that smile! Michael, a Scleroderma Warrior!

The holiday season rounded the corner and Greg stumbled upon someone’s Instagram page that piqued his interest. It was of a mother sharing photos and the story of her 9-year-old son Michael fighting Scleroderma (click HERE to visit Tiffany’s Instagram). Immediately, Greg and Tiffany started talking via social media. We came to learn much about Michael’s struggles and bravery. At just 9-years-old, Michael had been battling Scleroderma since he was 3-years-old! Additionally, Micheal’s condition was further complicated by his Parry-Romberg Syndrome, (also known as progressive hemifacial atrophy) which is a rare disease characterized by progressive shrinkage and degeneration of the tissues beneath the skin, usually on only one side of the face (hemifacial atrophy) but occasionally extending to other parts of the body (Wikipedia.com). Needless to say, Michael’s story touched our hearts deeply.

Both Greg and I repeatedly poured over Tiffany’s Instagram…our hearts aching for poor Michael. At times, I even felt ashamed of myself for having the audacity to pity myself by calling myself fat, or ruminating on the 22 pounds I put on—I mean, c’mon. There are people who have REAL struggles and my biggest issue in my life is at times I think I am fat?! What in the actual hell is wrong with me?!

Michael’s mother posted to her Instagram about his upcoming surgery—a fat transplant procedure that would help restore some symmetry to Michael’s face. She discussed an online giveaway she had entered with the hopes of winning a Nintendo Switch to give Michael for Christmas. Tiffany went on to discuss in her post that her husband was trying to work overtime to afford the pricey console. It was then when Greg turned to me and said, “I want to buy Michael the Nintendo Switch.”

The Brave Michael pre-surgery

There was no hesitation, and no discussion needed. Immediately, I responded, “Great. So buy it.”

Greg reminded me that we’d be spending money on a complete stranger and that spending this kind of money would have its repercussions; but we both didn’t care. This was the right thing to do, just like the many others that have done the right thing/s for us. Finally, it was our turn to pay it forward.

To me, money is just that—money. If something I have can alleviate the pain and suffering of someone else, then so be it. Seeing Michael open his Nintendo Switch on Christmas…knowing that Greg and I were able to do something truly altruistic this holiday season was all the thanks we both needed. We knew buying Michael that Nintendo Switch was money well spent.

In looking back, to say I lived a lifetime this year would be an understatement. Filled with lots of good, some bad, and few very ugly parts; I need to say that Greg’s diagnosis has come as a blessing in disguise. Greg has been entrusted to be the face of this little-talked about and very rare autoimmune disease. Greg’s diagnosis inspired him to head back to school for a Master’s in Public Health so that he can help others afflicted with autoimmune conditions. We have collectively fundraised thousands of dollars to help in Scleroderma research and patient advocacy. And as of yesterday, Greg officially registered for the LA Marathon and will be running to raise awareness and funds for Scleroderma!

Yes, there isn’t a day that doesn’t pass that I do not look at my husband and worry about his health. There are times where my eyes well with tears in a collective sadness, lamenting for my husband’s lack of mobility, range of motion, and incredible discomfort in his body. Nothing about Greg’s daily life, or mine for that matter is, nor will remain easy—and that’s ok! Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way. For it is only through trials and tribulations does one truly cultivate perseverance, wherewithal, and character.

So, while we may not have had a choice in what 2017 dealt us when Scleroderma chose us; in 2018 it will not define us. There is no time to be sad, worry, and feel bad for ourselves as that won’t change anything. The only way I see my year and moving grandly into 2018 is by taking action. We won’t stop, and can’t stop.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year, here’s you my friends and family as we rise up together to live our lives as our best selves.

When Life Hands You Lemons…

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Adversity, anger, Build connections, Challenges, Community, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Married Life, mindfulness, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates, Yoga / Autoimmune, Autoimmune Disease, Blessed, Chronic Illness, Community, Disease, Donation Yoga, Fitness, Giving Back, Helping Others, Never give up, Positive Mindset, Positivity, Scleroderma, Southern California / 12 comments

July 17, 2017

One of my beloved honor’s students from 2016-17. She bought us matching dolphin necklaces after our unit on marine mammals, their rights, captivity, and activism.

My relationship with my job as a public school teacher is touchy. Many days I love it and I am emboldened by the work I do. Many days I am angry and bitter about the work that I do. And many days I am too depleted to even process emotions other than count down the seconds from waking to sleeping. But as my life evolves and the more I think about the legacy I want to leave behind; working with children to improve themselves to be better humans socially, emotionally, and academically seems to routinely hit the nail on the head as far as fulfilling me.

Despite that fullness though, for years I have complained and begged my husband to let me quit my job to work exclusively in fitness. And for years, he begrudgingly agreed I could leave my teaching position, so long as I could make enough money teaching group classes, training clients, and even with my writing. It finally seemed like 2017 was going to be my year. My group fitness schedule swelled, my classes were packed, I was getting good feedback, and I was so swamped that I had to start turning down personal training clients! I was so close. Sooooooo close to finally getting what I wanted when the universe had different plans.

[More on my teaching job later]

Four months ago, my beloved husband was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease called Scleroderma. To say the diagnosis rocked our worlds is an understatement and immediately thoughts of fear and terror took over.

How much time do we have left?

Would my husband die?

Would I have to morph into a caretaker?

What’s going to happen to Greg’s body…?

The day of Greg’s diagnosis, we left the doctor’s office in shock. I found myself unable to really process much and Greg kept pushing me to ‘talk about my feelings’. I came straight home and crawled into bed—jeans and all, immediately falling asleep. For me, sleeping is my escape and avoidance behavior. It’s my way of running from things I choose to not address or cannot face. Perhaps Greg needed me in that moment to hold him as he cried, but what I needed was stillness to allow things to fully sink in.

The days that unfolded consisted of lots of crying. Much of that time I held my husband as he divulged how scared he was of dying and leaving me. As a newlywed of only 2 years, the thought of losing my husband is completely unfathomable. But during this time, through the tears and initial distress, something magical happened.

Greg sprang into action instantly and started reaching out to members of the Scleroderma community. He spent hours online conducting research, learning about his disease, finding support groups, learning about treatments, etc. Through his search, we connected with the Scleroderma Foundation of Southern California where we met Tina, a patient advocate not afflicted with the disease. Tina spent hours talking to Greg and sent us both many emails during those early days of his diagnosis with support groups and other resources. In one of her emails, she invited us to attend a patient information day at Cedars-Sinai so we could meet others battling Scleroderma, learn more about how to live, manage, and treat the disease. Both nervous and excited at the same time to attend the patient day, we signed up immediately.

While attending the patient day at Cedars, Greg and I looked around the room and both had the same thoughts: How could we help these people?

Scleroderma affects mobility in its patients. It targets connective tissue and the skin thickens, making it hard for many people to move their faces, hands, and bodies. Some patients suffer internal organ complications, gastrointestinal distress, and some may struggle to breath as a result of pulmonary fibrosis. Sure, Scleroderma could be devastating and ravage someone’s body, but the spirit of the people I kept meeting touched my heart. Their indomitable will inspired me to my core.

I kept asking myself over and over and over again, how can I help?

The answer I kept coming up with was yoga.

Chair yoga.

Yin yoga.

Restorative yoga.

Yoga with props and balls for myofascial release.

Yoga.

Yoga!

And so, things come full circle (remember all that stuff about me being a teacher and all…).

My heart right here. Sam and Nadia, two beautiful young souls that without fail always made me smile and happy to inspire them!

Whether it’s in my full time job as an English teacher to underserved minority youth in Los Angeles, as a personal trainer, group fitness instructor, or coach; everything about my life has been and shall be dedicated to lifting others up (literally and figuratively).

I have spent so darn long trying to suppress my gifts, hell even run from my gifts while trying with every fiber of my being to NOT BE A TEACHER, but as life would have it; I AM A TEACHER. Being a teacher simply IS my path. And truly in recent months it has become more obvious than ever that my place in this world is a bold call to action to serve others: To teach children how to analyze text, think critically, be socially responsible. To empower others to take control of their lives and bodies, to move with joy, to sweat, and above all—to love themselves unconditionally.

So I am not working exclusively in fitness. This duality and polarization of my life has been tough for me to wrangle over the years, but the more and more I moved forward with my life I have realized that being a teacher has made me a better fitness professional and working in fitness has in turn made me a better English teacher. Being a school teacher has allowed me to do so much more than I could have imagined with my life. At times, I feel burdened to elevate my community and those kids in my efforts to get them to college so they can change their lives, circumstances, and this world. Other times—well, much of the time, I feel bestowed insurmountable power to positively touch peoples lives. But I need to be totally honest here, that is all I know how to do: Push people to strive for excellence at all times—regardless of the modality.

Photo credit Craig Stubing

And while I chose my career in education, and I chose my incredible husband, Scleroderma chose us. We could very easily succumb to the diagnosis or we can rise up and channel our efforts positively because friends, never forget—positivity is a choice. Ultimately, we’ve decided to use our presence in our community and talents as fitness professionals to help others afflicted with this rare and little-known, and little-talked about disease.

Both Greg and I truly feel a higher calling and pull to help others feel better in their bodies while raising money for research and patient support. Talk about turning something seemingly negative into a positive!

In a few short weeks, I will be leading a donation yoga class for those fighting Scleroderma with my husband and our new friends. I couldn’t think of a better way to use what I know, while sharing what I love to do while doing some serious good in this world.

I am going to say it again because it never gets old, but I feel honored and blessed right now. I am grateful that my job as a teacher affords us phenomenal health care and treatment. I am grateful that my work in the classroom transforms kids lives. And finally, I am also grateful that my work in fitness enables people to feel better in their bodies, to get healthy, and stay healthy.

How we choose to look at our lives and circumstances are a choice. Things do not happen to us; they happen for us. Being sad and angry about something is ok—but we must not allow those emotions to overrun our lives and existence. And trust me, there are times we cry and crying is allowed but wallowing is not. I promise even amidst the darkest days there will always be light, and sometimes rather than constantly seeking the light can choose to be the light.

Lean on others. Ask for help. Find your people. Let your community support you. And remember, when life hands you lemons; make lemonade.

Good Things Come to Those Who WORK

Arielle Miller / Audition, Body Building, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Commitment, Community, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Motivation Monday / Audition, Fitness, Fitness in LA, Fitness Studio, Glendale, Goal Setting, Goals, Hard work, Los Angeles, Never give up, New Studio, Orangetheory, Orangetheory Glendale, OTF, SoCal / 4 comments

February 26, 2017

A year and a half ago, my husband Greg and I auditioned for a shot to be coaches at the new Orangetheory (OTF) West Hollywood location. As members of the Brentwood location, we loved the workout. It was fast, fun, and the perfect blend of cardio paired with strength work. For those of you whom are unfamiliar with OTF, it’s a 5 zone heart rate interval training system that includes wearing heart rate monitors, treadmills, rowers, and weights.

Prior to the audition, we were given some ‘homework’ which included memorizing some information. In total, there must have been 40-50 people at this audition, but we both gave it a solid go when our shot came. We left OTF Brentwood that day feeling confident and hopeful we’d be offered spots to go through training. But as fate would have it, neither Greg nor I were invited to the next phase of the audition process. I must admit, initially, it was a huge let down. No matter how many times I’ve been rejected from something the sting of not being good enough or not getting something never lessens.

Nonetheless, we were still happy to be active members in the OTF community and continued working out at the new West Hollywood location. Eventually, as my fitness goals changed and I moved into heavy weight lifting in the body building and power lifting sector, Greg and I cancelled our memberships.

All while both Greg and I couldn’t shake it—we still wanted to be team members. We just couldn’t give up on something we wanted so badly.

On a lark, Greg reached out to a contact at OTF and through the channels put us in contact with the brand new Glendale team. We both interviewed and were offered the opportunity to train, or shall I say audition, for a spot on the team.

Together as husband and wife we navigated a process that threw us wildly out of our comfort zones and into a whole new world. We’d debrief on the day’s learning and hashed out things that confused us, our fears, and our insecurities. It’s funny, because when you are in the thick of something; it’s so easy to let it run away with you. So, for me it wasn’t until a dear friend reminded me that above all ‘to have fun’ that it all finally clicked. That’s what coaching, training, and working with every single person I encounter is—it’s FUN.

Finally, our mock class in front of actual members came and went. We anxiously awaited, clutching our phones for the final call—did we get it??!?!

Greg’s call came first—he got it!

Then, I received a text, “Please call when you have a chance.”

And like Greg, I too was on the team!

I was so happy there was a moment where I couldn’t react. Time seemed to slow and my hearing muted. Was this really happening?! Did I really just earn a spot at OTF Glendale as a coach?! I held back tears of joy as Greg and I bounded out the door of the ice cream shop (hey, cut me some slack, it was my cheat meal).

Here we are after teaching our mock class

The moral of the story here is you absolutely cannot ever give up on something you want—ever. You cannot allow a setback, rejection, or bumps in the road to deter you from your goals. To further put it into perspective, I have been rejected from the following fitness brands:

Cycle House
Flywheel
Soulcycle
Equinox*
Orangetheory*

*Re-auditioned at a later time and offered the job!

Yea, those are some pretty high profile brands, huh? In some cases, I bombed completely and was cut after the first go of it. And in others, I made it relatively far in the audition process to eventually be cut. But it really doesn’t matter, does it? What matters is one’s desire and unwavering intensity to chase something they want at all costs.

For example, take Equinox. When I auditioned my first time I did not get offered an opportunity to teach cycling for them. However, I didn’t let that stand in my way. Rejection is good for the soul. It builds character and reminds you why you do what you love because you have to fight for it. Shortly thereafter though, I did earn a slot to teach for Equinox. Simply, I re-auditioned with a clean slate, showed them my stuff, and nailed the job. And now–look at me?! I have grown so much in my time with the company that I now teach multiple formats beyond the cycling room! Who knows where and what I’d be teaching if I never took that second chance on myself.

That’s how you’ve gotta live your life. You cannot allow a few things that do not go your way to define you or hold you back. Make the conscious choice to pick yourself up and know that rejection is always part of the pathway to success. Never, and I mean never give up on something you want because you are worth it.

So ladies and gentleman, it is with pride and my honor to share with you my latest fitness gig at Orangetheory Glendale. You can catch me there Monday and Wednesday nights at 6pm and 7:30pm.

Now team, let’s get BURNING!

This is Me

Arielle Miller / Body Building, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Community, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Strength Training / art, art exhibit, Body Building, confidence, empowerment, feminism, Fitness, girl power, girlgaze, Jen Rosenstein Photography, Lessons, Photography, the Annenberg Space for Photography / 1 comment

October 23, 2016

I’ve worked in fitness for years. And for many of those years, I coveted the success of others with thousands and thousands of Instagram followers and envious of those given the opportunity to shoot for fitness brands I emulate. Often, I angrily scrolled through my feed not double tapping in protest of my own jealousy wishing and wanting so desperately to be someone—anyone else other than myself with a body that could wear clothes in a way that companies would want me to shoot for them. It was a horrible cycle and I was so entrenched in it.

As the years of envy and self-loathing plagued me, I continued to wonder in vain, why not me?

Why couldn’t I be picked for this or that, or why couldn’t I be her? Why, why, why?!?

It wasn’t until I finally realized that I didn’t really actually want to be a model per say. Sure, it’s super cool and great to be heralded for your body and beauty, but when I think about the legacy I want to leave behind in this world; it certainly isn’t with respects to what I looked like, wore, or even my purple hair.

I want to inspire people through my words, my wit, my power, my physical, emotional, and mental strength. I want to help empower people to take back their lives. Free themselves and really live. But most of all, the ripples I want to leave echoing for eternity are ones that celebrate who we are in our infinite power—whether that be physical, professional, or personal. So I didn’t want to be a model; I simply wanted a platform to be heard. I wanted the world to see me, to hear me, and let me change their perspectives by the life I lead.

So in an effort to try to clean up my life, I stopped doing things that were motivated by external validation. I stopped wanting ‘it’ [I mean what is ‘it’ even anyway?] so bad and turned my back on the Instagram yogi. I decluttered my Instagram feed of people that didn’t inspire me and frankly, made me feel bad about myself. And then something remarkable happened—I felt better! I really did. I opened a door to my soul and asked myself what I really wanted to do and wondered how I was going to do it. And then, just like that, on some idle morning I woke up, rolled over and stated to my still sleeping husband, “I’m going to be a body builder.”

I spent 11 weeks preparing for my first show with countless hours in a gym, food shopping, meal prepping, and talking about what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat, and my workouts. Every step of the way, I posted my progress for the world to see. And by progress, I mean the gritty sweaty selfies on the stair machine after leg day and the realities of breaking down into tears when I dropped my food all over the floor. I shared it all and held nothing back. What I received in return from the world of social media was applause for my honesty and what I had been looking for all along; that platform to inspire others to try new things, love their bodies, and live life on their own accord.

So in the midst of this process, when dear friend and famed photographer Jen Rosenstein offered to shoot me before my show to document my journey—I jumped at the opportunity. But what happened next, we could only imagine in our wildest dreams.

Arielle: The Body Builder Photographed by Jen Rosentein

A few weeks after our photo shoot, Jen was approached by the girlgazeproject to have one of the images we shot curated in their exhibit: #girlgaze, a frame of mind at The Annenberg Space for Photography. We couldn’t believe it. THIS WAS IT. THIS WAS THE PLATFORM WE WERE BOTH SEEKING. This was our chance to show the world that women need to be proud of their bodies, accomplishments, and mustn’t allow their voices to be silenced by others and self-doubt. Holy shit, we did it—people will now hear and see me, see us, and be inspired on a visceral level. This. Was. It.

On the eve of October 21^st, 2016, I walked into a museum to see a portrait of myself [in my underwear and bra] hanging on a wall.

I cry as I type this and I have to keep stopping to wipe my eyes.

To see myself immortalized in such a way—the way I always wanted to make waves in this world was so surreal, or shall I say real? I spent the evening with Jen, her friends, meeting others girls in the exhibit, and of course with my husband—for without him, none of what I do could ever be possible. I felt loved, celebrated, honored, and humbled all at the same time knowing that in this moment in time I am truly part of a movement and change in taking back the word girl.

To quote one of the placards at the exhibit:

“We are pushing back against the cultural projections and traditional gender roles imposed upon girls from the outside world, media and culture. Instead, we aim to represent the intelligence, creativity, complexity, and diversity of girls’ experience—across nationality, ethnicity, race, religion, sexual orientation and economic background—by taking back the camera into our own hands. It is up to us—those who identify with being a girl—to show our perspectives, tell our stories, and determine our own identity, sexuality and beauty.”

Arielle: The Body Builder is a piece of raw emotion. It is me, you, your best friend, and the girl at the gym who just joined and is terrified of not knowing how to use the equipment. It is every single girl who dared to take a chance on a dream without worrying about the outcome. It is a timeless story of a girl who said, “Screw what you think, what you want me to be and do. I am me and that’s all I know how to be.”

It is my hope that through this photo you can take something away from it. For me, I look at it and I don’t see the girl who spent years as the ‘fat funny friend’, the slowest one on her college lacrosse them, the anorexic, or the girl who’d be prettier if she just smiled a little more. I see a survivor.

I see a girl who took back her identity, rediscovered her self-confidence, and is truly proud of the scars she wears on her heart and sleeve.

Thank you Jen for giving us a chance to bring others into our worlds, and for giving me a platform to be seen and heard.

Thank you Greg for your undying support of my ceaseless need to constantly push the envelope.

And thank you to my friends, family, as well as those I have yet to know and meet [via the interwebs] who always cheer me on and offer support.

I hope you will continue to be part of my journey. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook and make sure to check out #girlgaze, a frame of mind at The Annenberg Space for Photography. Admission is free and the exhibit runs through late February.

Remember, who run da world.

GIRLS.

The Portrait of a Body Builder, Part I: Learning How to Love Myself [Again]

Arielle Miller / 200-hr RYT, Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Ashtanga Yoga, balance, Body Building, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Strength Training, Teaching, Yoga / Body Building, Figure Competitor, Fitness, Growth, Learning, Lessons, Muscle Beach, Portrait, Strength, Strength Training, Weight Lifting, Yoga / 7 comments

September 7, 2016

It wasn’t until very recently that I realized much of what I do and how I spend my time in my adult life is a reflection of my desire to ‘prove something’. I am not really sure what exactly it is that I feel like I need to prove or why I feel that way, but there’s this insatiable void deep within my heart that feels like I am never good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, or just enough. So when I set out a few months ago to reclaim my body, I thought body building would be a great way to leave my mark on this world exclaiming, I have arrived! While my hope in body building was to initially acquire a slamming body, what I learned through my dieting and training was more than I could have imagined. Some of the most transformative lessons of my adult life happened in the wee dawn hours before the sun slipped above the horizon to wake the world. Body building gave me a purpose that I desperately longed. Perhaps most importantly though, it gave me the self-confidence to find myself again and the permission to finally and truly love myself.

Throughout my fitness career, I have been blessed with abundant opportunities to teach for incredible companies and studios while maintaining my fulltime position as an LAUSD English teacher. And for years, while my schedule swelled with group fitness classes, I constantly defaulted to simply teaching my classes and then heading home after a long day. Depleted mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from my work as a teacher in so many capacities; I told myself that I couldn’t possibly build myself up to work out. I just didn’t have it in me. I was completely empty. What I also told myself was that there wasn’t enough time for my own workouts—I mean, after all, I work full time, teach multiple group fitness classes and formats a week; when was I going to workout? Certainly I wasn’t going to workout in the morning because, well [enter yet another excuse and insert eye roll here]; I’m not a morning person.

Sound familiar? Sound like you and every single other person we all know? Plagued by excuse after excuse, I dimmed my own light. Like so many others, I stood in my own way preventing my light from shining bright. In spite of this, I have concluded and now believe we intentionally thwart our own success. Yes, we actually willingly do this to ourselves. Honestly, I think it’s because we are just afraid of our power. I really do. I think we are afraid that if we unleash our true potential on the world that we’ll have something to uphold and live up to. So rather than aiming high and striving for excellence to constantly improve ourselves; we hold back and restrict, constrict, and suppress our greatness in favor of mediocrity because it’s just easier that way. More safe, more secure, more ordinary rather extraordinary. But for me, committing to a body building competition was my way of telling myself enough of this bullshit—you are better than that. It is your time.

Like most things I do in my life I don’t have any breaks. I just jump in fully and commit absolutely, full speed ahead. I took to my 6-day a week training regimen instantly and never skipped a day or workout. This sometimes meant after a day filled with traveling, hungry, and jet-lagged; I still made it to the gym. Other times it sometimes meant finally getting to the gym as late as 10, 11, or even midnight! I even attended my own birthday party and drank water. I sat through countless family gatherings with chicken cutlets, homemade pizza, and BBQ’s munching on chicken breast and broccoli. I totted a cooler around NYC, onto airplanes, and to friends houses. I made no excuses because this time I was going to do this right; I wasn’t going to give up or quit on myself.

Photo credit: Jen Rosenstein Photography

The more I trained, the less it became about the outcome. Sure, placing in my first show would be really great but I had to detach from that. The work I was doing wasn’t to achieve any sort of external validation, it was only for me. A means to use my body as a vessel to tell a story for the world. To inspire others to find their path and to walk it. To prove to myself that I was so damn worthy of greatness. And perhaps on a level to tell that little chubby girl inside me—the one who haunts me every time I look in the mirror that you are beautiful, smart, talented, and so much more than the number inside your jeans. This journey was about me taking control of my life [for real], taking ownership, and finally proving to no one other than myself that I am effing fantastic. This was my battle cry shouting to the world that I indeed have nothing to prove.

As my training progressed, my yoga practice waned as lifting and cardio started to fill my time. While I may not have been able to practice as much as I typically do or would have liked, my yoga never disappeared. For yoga is so much more than asana (poses). Yoga is something celestial that lives within your heart and the fibers of your being. It’s not really something that you can quantify as it’s an awareness of your body, mind, and spirit—it’s simply just a part of you. My ritualistic yoga practice of staking out my spot in a yoga room, unrolling my mat, and moving my body to my breath was replaced by meditatively portioning out my supplements, packing my gym bag, and pushing, pressing, and pulling weights to my inhales and exhales. So you see, I never abandoned my yoga practice, it transformed.

With my yoga practice nestled closely to my heart, I started to experience something I never could see nor find in a yoga room. Well, actually let me refine that. What I initially found when I discovered yoga was I felt beautiful while practicing. It didn’t matter how big or small I was (as my weight tends to fluctuate pretty drastically). I was boundless on a yoga mat and no one could strip that from me…Until I became a yoga teacher. The competitive nature of the yoga industry, the body shaming, the handstands, fancy arm balances, and the age of the Instagram Yogi made me nauseous. The things I loved and felt while practicing seemed to be replaced with the need to nail an inversion somewhere cool to post on the Interwebs with the hopes of gaining more followers. I found myself swept up not even in the hub-bub of it all but feeling inadequate and frankly, empty on the inside. But body building gave me back something I was seeking and lacking: self-love, acceptance, and it made me feel invincible. Nothing could touch me when I was lifting. No one could hurt me when I was lifting. And no one, and I mean no one made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of something when I was lifting. It was just me, a barbell, and some plates. No bullshit about it. No staging of my photo. No stressing on the perfect alignment. Just grit and determination.

Photo credit: Jen Rosenstein Photography

So if you’re wondering what I learned from training for my body building competition, I learned that I don’t have anything to prove to anyone or myself. And most importantly, I don’t need to proclaim to anyone that I’ve arrived because well, I have purple hair and you can’t miss me. No seriously though, what I’ve taken away from this all is regardless of my placement in the show; I had already won.

Stay tuned for my second installment of The Portrait of a Body Builder, Part II: Finding Your People. Remember if you don’t already subscribe to my blog to do so by clicking here so you don’t miss a post!

Stop Making Excuses and Get Moving NOW

Arielle Miller / Accountability, Adventure, At Home Workouts, balance, Challenges, Commitment, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Motivation Monday, Strength Training, Yoga / Believe In Yourself, Body Building, Buddha, Fitness, Making Time, No More Excuses, Results, Set Goals, workout / 0 comments

July 11, 2016

For just over the last month or so I have been working with a body building coach to prepare me for my first-ever competition in early September. My workouts are 6-days a week, my nutrition is 7-days a week, and there is no room for cheating, slip ups, or excuses. Period.

People constantly tell me how amazing they think it is that I am taking on such an endeavor. They praise me for being an inspiration which is most always followed by a statement like “I’m not in good enough shape” or “I could never do that” or “I don’t have the time.” Well, I am here to tell you that all of your excuses regarding why you cannot do something are bullshit. That’s right, I just totally shit-talked you. It is time to get a handle on your relationship with your physical-self. Stop making excuses for yourself to rationalize your own lack of want and/or desire.

Now, I’m not saying to go out and hit your first body building show—I am not saying that at all. What I am saying is that marathon you’ve been meaning to train for, that cardio yoga class you’ve been working up the courage to attend, that Crossfit box that everyone loves but you’re too scared to even walk through the door…I am saying the time is NOW. Sign up for something to train for, register for a class, drop in at a new studio. Stop making excuses why you cannot and should not, and tell yourself that you can and you will.

Here are some real-life applications from my personal experience to help motivate and in turn inspire you to make some new and lasting changes in your life.

Bullshit Excuse #1: “I’m not in good enough shape”

No one is born ‘in-shape’. Ok, scratch that. Some people are more inclined to be more naturally cardiovascularly fit or muscular than others; but no one is born shredded, able to run an ultra marathon, and prepared for a floor routine with the USA gymnastics team in Rio. Every single thing in this world worth having requires hard work, grit, and determination. And I mean everything, not just fitness related stuff.

It all starts with committing to yourself and under no circumstance giving up or quitting. To bring this to real life, as I mentioned earlier I started training for my first body building show. Not close to being in the best shape I have been in, not knowing a soul in the industry, and unaware of the work I would need to put in; I committed to something so huge to grow myself. In just one short month, you can see my progress.

After all, as Lao Tzu said “The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.” One foot in front of the other. We all start somewhere and it’s most certainly not where we want to be–so why keep putting it off? You’re worth it, so start striving for greatness.

Bullshit Excuse #2: “I could never do that”

Negative self-talk is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing gum. If you want something, and I mean anything you could ever possibly want to achieve, you’ve gotta get that mind right. Not believing in yourself is defeating and damning—do not allow it to be your downfall.

For me it’s simple, when I am in a workout I look in the mirror to see the sweat pouring down my face. I think to myself, “Hell yea, badass!” It starts there. Then I keep moving and when it gets hard I repeat to myself over and over and over and over again in my head “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I am strong. I am making progress. I can do this.” When you are hustling your butt off for something you want so deeply, you cannot allow the word ‘never’ to pollute your mind. You certainly can do whatever you want, you just need to make the choice to want it.

Bullshit Excuse #3: “I don’t have the time”

We all have the same 24 hours in each day. What you do with it is what separates you from everyone else. Whether you work full time, have children, or are simply overwhelmed by life and its responsibilities; congratulations. You are just like everyone else. We all have lives, people that love us, need us, and demand our attention. We all also have interests that we pursue, or waste countless hours on social media scrolling, refreshing our feed, then scrolling some more, to open Instagram and repeat the same god-awful process (GUILTYYYYYY). We all have lives. But how often are we using our time effectively? I know, as an adult having someone call you out on not using your time wisely totally sucks BUT, are you maximizing every single day to its utmost potential? Chances are you are not because you don’t want it bad enough. Here’s a story to help hit home for ya.

Buddha was wondering through the forest. He was carrying a very heavy sack when he happened to come across another traveler in the woods. Tired from carrying the sack the Buddha (unbeknownst to the traveler) asked if the traveler would help him. The traveler responded by telling Buddha that sadly he could not, as his own journey was very long and his own belongings were heavy. Finally, Buddha opened the sack to reveal its contents to be filled with gold. Interestingly enough, the traveler could now find the strength to help the Buddha.

I love this story for its simplicity reveals mankind’s truest nature of being self-serving. We are more inclined to help someone, get involved in something, or take action when the end result will somehow benefit us. Well, when it comes to yourself it all should benefit you. Make the time for yourself because you deserve it. Get up before the kids and go for a run in the brisk morning air, hit your yoga mat, or have breakfast alone relishing in the stillness of the day that is yet to come. Stay up late reading your favorite smutty romance novel for no other reason other than you like it and want to, go for an evening walk after dinner, or lift some weight in the garage. Stop telling yourself that you do not have the time to things, you do, you just need to make the time by making time with yourself a priority.

Fitness

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