As 2014 comes to a close, I want to take a look back at 10 things that represented renewal and rebirth for me. As many of you know, I am a firm believer in looking back, admiring the journey and how far one has come, then using the tools of the past to press forward. No, I do not condone using the past as a crutch to cripple growth, but a look back often lends itself to really gaining some perspective.

Often when we feel stuck and like we haven’t made any gains or found success we may lack the ability to really see the growth that has occurred. For me, growth manifests itself in many forms from personal to professional victories to trials and tribulations sometimes filled with tough decisions and discomfort. And it’s just that, the discomfort I will focus on in my 10 Things that Made My 2014 because growth only truly occurs when you are scared, pushed, pulled, tested, and tried.

1. February 2014: My departure from a full-time fitness professional and transition back into the classroom as a public school teacher for LAUSD. I landed at Helen Bernstein High School in Hollywood but not without opposition. In my early weeks at Bernstein I endured name-calling, numerous complaints from parents and students that I was “too strict” and “gave too much work/homework”, and was greeted at my classroom door twice with notes stating “Bitch Miller” and “Fucken Miller”.

2. My now fiancé Greg and I moved in together in late March. We were only dating 4 months when I moved into his [too small] apartment in Studio City. Surprisingly with my dating history, I expected to be scoffed at by friends and family to the likes of “Here she goes again.” But the jeers and jabs never came. At least from people who knew Greg and I intimately. People saw how Greg enhanced my life, shaping me, guiding me, even making me a better person. I mean, I knew all that already, but it was further validation when others saw that too. When we moved in together, we both anticipated an adjustment period of where we’d drive one another nuts while discovering one another’s idiosyncrasies. Yeah, that never happened. Greg and I moved in together and get this; our relationship only continues to get better with each passing day.

• Buti Yoga Training in March 2014: For those of you who have no clue what Buti is, it is a type of yoga created by Bizzie Gold. It fuses plyometrics, African Tribal Dance, and yoga into a high energy, sweat-fest that blasts calories and fat. It is fun, sexy, and only for women. Marathi for “The Hidden Secret”, Buti is designed to empower women, unleash their sensuality, and unlock their often blocked or closed second chakra. Well, let me tell you. Prior to the training I had only Buti’ed twice. Yup, twice. I knew a few things about Buti: I was not very good at it, I worked insanely hard in class, and I wanted more.

• So when I stumbled upon the training in LA, I jumped on the opportunity to hurl myself out of my comfort zone and into something I knew I would struggle with so I could learn something new. The weekend-long training consisted of HOURS of Buti-ing with Bizzie, then in groups, group teaching, and finally individual 15-minute demonstrations for the group. Despite being an experienced yoga and fitness instructor, I was terrified of this demo. After all, I wasn’t good at Buti, so how could I teach it?! Refusing to stand in my own way, I confidently killed my demo to receive rave reviews from the founder herself, Bizzie Gold. I never thought I would be able to tackle sometime so sexy and rhythmic but I did. Currently, I don’t teach Buti nor have I taken it in a almost 8 months as a result of my knee injury, but the lessons I took from that training showed me that with a little heart, I am more powerful than I imagined. Here’s a snippet of me teaching my Buti demo, check it out below 🙂

4. In April 2014, I ran my first ever Ragnar Relay here in SoCal. Until recently, my favorite races to run were Spartan Race obstacle course races because I am not a runner (at least I keep telling myself that). Yes, in OCR’s there is running but it’s broken up by tasks and obstacles that showcase other strengths and skills that test you as a whole athlete. However, as always I am always looking to shake things up, so when a friend asked me to join his SoCal relay team, I couldn’t refuse. Unlike anything I have ever participated in before Ragnar Relay puts a 12-person team in vans to run 3 legs (or times) over the course of just over 30 hours or so covering approximately 200 miles . You eat, sleep, and live in your van during this time and your teammates become your family.

• My legs consisted of 7.5 miles hard, 3.5 miles moderate, and 2.9 miles easy. Not a runner, this horrified me. There was nowhere for me hide—no obstacle to bail me out. It was the pavement, a very cumbersome knee brace, and I. I didn’t set any records that race. Hell, I am pretty certain I may have ran a 12 minute mile on my longest leg of 7.5 miles but I didn’t quit and to me, that’s what it means to have true character. True character is when you know you may fail, or may not be the best, but you march into battle with an open heart and an open mind regardless of what may come.
• I suppose it was best I didn’t quit on myself in that first race because I forged a bond with new and old friends and fell in love with The Ragnar Race Series. About 5 months later in September, my fiancé Greg joined me to run Ragnar Relay Napa and I even captained a team at Ragnar Trail in Vail Lake in October! I will never be the best runner and that’s something I am more than ok with, but I am not a quitter and to me, that’s priceless.

5. On Sunday, June 29, 2014 I got engaged to Gregory Cohen at One Down Dog in Silverlake. You all already know about the proposal and have seen more pictures and videos than you would like (sorry not sorry?), but I am not going to talk about the proposal here. What I am going to talk about is how for my entire life I said ‘I was never going to get married and let a man dictate my life’ and all that other feminist dogma about not needing anyone other than myself, blah blah blah. Here’s the thing about finding the right partner: there is no need involved, it just fits and it works. Period. Contrary to what many couples will say, I do not subscribe to the belief that relationships are work. It is through Greg that I have learned that the right relationship just works. That doesn’t mean we both don’t work hard to keep one another happy and aren’t considerate of one another—we are, but the right partner enhances your life, elevating you, helping you soar while achieving goals and dreams together.

• Now, before you lay into me about the honeymoon phase and how I have little life’s experience to claim that the right relationship ‘just works’ let me remind you I have walked in great darkness before emerging on the other side to find Greg. I have endured what I thought was love but merely disguised as the devil of codependency. I have thought that love required great sacrifice and putting your dreams on hold for the sake of another, but I was mistaken. For the mistakes of my past laid the foundation not only to show me what love was not, but also precisely what the right partner brings to a healthy relationship.
• Simply put, everyday I am on this earth is a gift. Everyday I wake up and look over at the adorable man smiling back at me in our teensy full-sized bed in our still too small apartment; my life is filled with hope and endless possibility. Nothing I ‘give up’ is ever a sacrifice and everything I do for my partner is done with joy in my heart. So marrying Greg isn’t about having to give up anything, it’s about reformulating what I thought I once knew and challenging my ideals and gaining a life partner to build an eternity of memories.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post where I will end my year in reflection with my countdown as we bid 2014 goodbye. See you tomorrow!