My Healing Journey, Part I
Over the last year I have struggled tremendously. If you follow me on any of my social media outlets, especially on Instagram—you have watched my unraveling as my weight spiraled out of control without any discernable cause or explanation. I became more and more lethargic, depressed, anxious, frustrated, and more crippled by my inability to focus as a result of debilitating brain fog with each passing day.
Every day I’d wake up, walk to my closet and sift through my clothes, “Nope. No. Not that. That doesn’t fit. Not that either. Nope. No. No. No.” Which finally always culminated in a breakdown of tears in frustration because I literally couldn’t get dressed for work. Absolutely NOTHING I owned fit me any longer. Even my stretchy clothes and my sports bras were almost too tight to wear, and as it was, there were already some stretchy clothes I could no longer fit into. Demoralized, enraged, broken down I spent the last few months seeking answers.
I spent my entire summer in and out of doctor’s offices. Prior to this point, as my body and energy level started to change I sought out the help of a Registered Dietician. I was Crossfitting 4-5 days a week, counting macros, adding in rest days, adjusted my sleep schedule and in the end; the RD I was working with finally said to me she could no longer accept my money because in spite of everything she did to help me lean out and build some muscle, we were making zero progress.
Then, I saw a rheumatologist and she tested me for nearly every possible thing known to man, including my hormones. My blood work all came back normal with the exception of a positive ANA (Antinuclear Antibodies) which is the marker for autoimmunity and positive Thyroid antibodies, AKA Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies. This meant that my body was showing signs of an autoimmune condition called Hashimoto’s Disease, but since I still had normal Thyroid function; these tests did not indicate I was suffering from an autoimmune disease. Since I was not quite sick enough to be treated, the doctor told me this could be reversed with lifestyle changes.
Lifestyle changes…?
Yoga, meditation, not working out, self-care, therapy, de-stressing, and generally just slowing down.
Lifestyle changes?! What do you mean? I eat well, workout, just got promoted, have a great apartment, in a city I love, where I get to share my life with an incredible husband, I have great friends, a wonderful family—what possible changes do I need to make to my life?!
I felt like this was fucking bullshit. But nonetheless, begrudgingly I made all the changes the doctor told me to make. I revamped my daily meditation practice, cut out the weight lifting, started walking, doing more yoga, resting, and trying to slow down.
In June 2018, I went Keto (short for the Ketogenic Diet), which in my last post at one week into the diet raved about how it was changing my life. However, what I failed to do was update that post. Because after my first week on Keto where it appeared that I had lost some weight at week two, I was UP three pounds, then four, then five and before I knew it—by summer’s end I had gained 13 pounds and increased my body fat by 10%! While I did not know this at the time, even as I phased out a Ketogenic lifestyle, alllllll the healthy fats from avocados, Primal Kitchen dressings, nuts, oils, and nut butters were LITERALLY TURNING MY BODY INTO FAT. While Keto aficionados will vehemently oppose this, do your research. There is a small amount of the population that Keto:
– Doesn’t work
– Actually promotes fat gain because the body’s systems, specifically the liver are so taxed that it cannot metabolize the fat. So, the fat is NEVER actually used as fuel and is well, just fat
This was clearly the case for me. Keto wasn’t The Magic Pill and I was devastated.
In July 2018, I saw an endocrinologist. My blood panels were all normal and that was the end of my treatment. What treatment? Yea, my thoughts exactly. Western medicine nowadays is comprised of running blood tests, discerning whether the results are within the normal range or not, then sending an email with the results. Today’s medicine practitioners aren’t actually concerned with identifying root causes, just prescribing a pill and calling it a day. But I digress.
In August 2018, my husband and I spent $1,000 of money we did not have at Bulletproof Labs, a Biohacking facility in Santa Monica to aide in my recovery. We were hoping that this fringe science was the answer to our prayers. It wasn’t, as it did not work.
In late August into September 2018, I started working with a naturopath. I saw her weekly where she conducted ‘Muscle Testing’ to determine the dosing of herbs and supplements I would take that week. During this time, despite her attempts to stop or slow my weight gain, I kept gaining about 1.5-2 pounds a week. Finally, after 5 weeks, she referred me to someone with more experience to help me because after spending nearly $100/week to seek treatment from her, I wasn’t getting any better.
During this time, I also saw a gynecologist. She biopsied my uterus to rule out Uterine cancer since she believed I wasn’t ovulating; nor had been doing so for the past 10 years. So, just to be safe, what was supposed to be a routine visit to dig deeper into my hormonal issues; she biopsied my uterus. Gentleman, you have NO IDEA what this entails nor could possibly feel like. Ladies, if you’ve had a LEEP procedure you can infer how this felt—and I had a LEEP in my 20’s. THIS WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT. It was HORRIBLY painful and uncomfortable. I mean we are talking about taking a chunk out of someone’s flesh and I will just stop there.
Thankfully, the biopsy was negative, but I was directed to a fertility specialist to delve deeper into my ovulation, or lack thereof. Table this—more on this later.
Why this long case history of my last few months? I felt it vital to understanding my last year was filled with counting macros, The Whole30, intuitive eating, going Keto, reverting back to my body building diet; all while pushing myself harder and harder in the gym and at Crossfit and making no gains. Over the last year, I was so devoid of energy that workouts wiped me out. More specifically, during intense exertion, I crumbled and couldn’t perform. I had an entire year without one Personal Record, no competitions or meets, and nothing to show for my hard work other than severe depression and anxiety, a thickening waistline with 25 pounds added to my barely 5’1 frame, fatigue, no menses, and yet according the doctors I was ‘healthy.’
I refused to accept that this life was my new normal. What’s more, I couldn’t fathom how the medical world wasn’t boggled nor concerned as to how and why I was exponentially gaining weight.
Thankfully in early fall, salvation was delivered in the form of a chance meeting at a Reiki healing event with my husband that our amazing rheumatologist had organized. Mona, a gorgeous woman with radiant skin, lush brown hair, magnetic energy, and an adorable baby just so happened to know Greg AND our rheumatologist! What a small world and in the vastness of LA, an even smaller city. Turns out, Mona is a Holistic Nutritionist and so, so, so much more.
After meeting Mona, a few weeks passed before Greg suggested I reach out to her. I mean, what did I have to lose [pun intended]? Mona called me and we spoke for about an hour. She asked me questions about my health and goals, shared some personal anecdotes about her own struggles, and her process to help people regain their health. Our conversation was effortless. Mona is infectiously likeable, genuine, caring, and INSANELY knowledgeable. I knew the moment I ended that call that help had arrived.
Mona sent along her client intake forms and a host of other materials for me to complete. I couldn’t get them back to her fast enough. I was ready to heal and get this journey going already! Over the two weeks to come, Mona poured over my forms and all of my extensive blood panels from the last 2 months. And when I say poured over them, she texted, emailed, and called to gather more information and ask more questions. At the end of the two weeks, we had a 2-hour phone call where she went over the data and a 10-page treatment plan.
Answers.
FINALLY.
Stay tuned for my second installment, My Healing Journey, Part II next week. If you do not subscribe to my blog, make sure you do so ensuring you don’t ever miss a post. Until then, stay healthy my friends.
