As we embark upon our time with friends and loved ones for the holidays, being present and kind is paramount. Sometimes we forget that when we are around people we love and are comfortable, things fly out of our mouths without much regard for the person to whom we are addressing. As someone who’s constantly in front of other people, presenting, interacting, connecting, and building relationships, I am front and center for constant critique of my attire and appearance. As someone with brightly colored hair, the misconception is I ‘must be cool’ [which if you know anything about me, I am super Type A, totally tightly wound, and the furthest thing from cool] therefore; this an invitation for unsolicited commentary along the lines of:

“Oh, you changed your hair.”

[Nope, it’s still the same purple its been for the last 3 years]

“I like [or don’t like] this shade.”

[Awesome, I wasn’t trying to make you happy]

“I like how your hair is fading.”

[I don’t]

“Oh, you’ve gotta dye your hair again, it’s fading.”

[As if I didn’t know]

“You have roots, when are you getting your hair done?”

[When I have time and can afford it]

At this point it’s become rather funny. For the life of me, I cannot figure out people’s incessant need to talk about my hair. I guess people find me interesting, I don’t know. But what I do know is when my hair has been any other array of colors, I never received the kind of feedback people feel the need to constantly offer with my purple hair. And while I take it in good stride, I know that as a result of my work in fitness, friendly nature, and intimate proximity with people, that feel safe and comfortable with me. Ultimately, as a result, they perceive their discussion of my appearance as innocent. But let me point out, when people comment about my hair I know ALL of those things, people. I know my hair is fading, I know I have roots, and I am well aware that my hair is a bright purple. What I am perplexed by is this shift in society to openly pick people apart and comment on their appearance.

Recently after teaching one of my cycling classes, an employee of the gym observed,

“Dammmmmnnn, I never realized how thick your legs were!”

Immediately, my freak out meter was about to explode; my heart is pounding, and I can feel my face reddening. While I know his comment was not malicious and followed up with this person wanting to put muscle on his legs, my own insecurities regarding my physical-self felt very exposed.

I’ve put on some weight recently. And no, not because it’s the holidays and I’m stuffing my face with cake and cookies. And no, not because I am skipping my workouts—I have just gained weight and yes, it’s noticeable [and no, I’m not pregnant]. It’s noticeable in my yoga pants, in my belly, and in my face. I feel disgusting and like I am crawling within my own skin. So when a seemingly innocent comment about my body is made, I feel grossly insecure and even more down on myself.

Though my brightly colored hair and evolving physique is my own unique story with respects to how some people in this world interact, my goal in sharing this with you is to hopefully facilitate some compassion.

So your cousin hasn’t lost her baby weight. Your grandmother’s new haircut is atrocious. Your mom’s food isn’t really that good. Your niece’s new tattoo is ugly.

So what?

As long as the people you’re spending your holiday season with are people that fill your heart and bring you joy during this holiday season, why not just be nice? Keep your comments to yourself and remember; words have power, so choose kindness.

Instead, look for something positive in the people you’re spending your time with; maybe tell them how lovely they look, how beautiful the decorations in their home are, and even better—how grateful you are to have them in your life and to be spending time with them.