Gratitude

Part II: Preparing for your First Century Ride, Ensure Your Success

Arielle Miller / Accountability, At Home Workouts, Athlete, Bike Riding, Celebrate, Celebration, Century Ride, Challenges, Commitment, Cycling, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Female Athlete, Fitness, Fitness Life, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Nutrition, Road Cycling, Roadie, Sports, Strength Training, Training, Uncategorized, Updates, Women in Sports / Century Ride, covid fitness, COVID-19, creating routine, Cycling, Cyclist, Female cyclist, following a schedule, health and fitness, home workouts, live love ride, love your ride, making a schedule, road biking, Strength Training, we can do hard things, weight loss journey, women in sports / 0 comments

January 2, 2021

I’ve been an athlete my entire life and I am self-realized enough to know the limitations and things I am capable of achieving. As I have pointed out, showing up for something and respectfully being able to walk into it and away from it proud of what I did is paramount to me. So, as my time riding got more serious and focused, my friend Lizzy and I joked about doing a century. At first we laughed about it. Then we started talking more about it, and finally committed to actually doing one. And since we are in the midst of a global pandemic, we’d be doing this unsanctioned, not for any recognition, but because we want to do this to reward ourselves for our hard work.

Putting in WORK, a 60 miler for funzies on the Central Coast

Let me further break down this hard work to which I am referring:

First, since purchasing my road bike in late June 2020, I have rode it nearly every day since then. Yes, talk about one rapid love affair. I rode anywhere I could, as often as I could. And knowing absolutely nothing about the sport, I just rode. I rode to get time in the saddle, to learn how to shift, reacclimate to clipping in/out, riding in traffic, and how to handle my bike. I fell so hard and so fast for riding on the road that when I went to New York during August to visit my sister and niece for three weeks, I even brought my bike with me—true story.

Having never rode a bike in NYC before (despite growing up in NY), I blindly leapt into the unknown riding all over NYC because I love being on my bike and seeing and experiencing the world from “life behind bars”. In hindsight, this time in NYC was crucial to my growth as a cyclist. It catapulted me into handling my bike in tight spaces, riding fast, and changing flats without someone to help me. Upon arriving back in LA just three weeks later, I was a whole new woman. My confidence soared and my bike friends remarked at how fast I had gotten. And by fast, it is relative. Fast for a novice, but growth and progress are just that—metrics in the right direction.

In NYC on my last day of riding before returning to LA

Eventually my joy of riding evolved and I started planning weekly long rides with my friend Lizzy (who also doubles as my strength and nutrition coach). We thirsted for harder climbs and craved long days putting miles down on the road in the saddle. Saturday’s became our day. I made sure to get all of my school work and papers written for graduate school before their due dates so that I could ride. I know, I know—who have I become?! Getting a bike and wanting to adventure on it has been a wonderful motivator for me to stay on top of my school work while working on my doctorate. Truly, while I am very industrious and productive; like many people, I struggle with procrastination. Certainly, I have made great strides in adulthood while working as a teacher and teacher leader, but sometimes I get caught up in other things, thus not managing my time appropriately. Creating a routine for myself has been an integral part of my success as both a professional and athlete.

To further illustrate, as discussed by Northwestern Medicine, 2021:

Tips for a Healthier Lifestyle

People are creatures of habit, and routines offer a way to promote health and wellness through structure and organization. Having a routine can greatly improve your health.

Many people who don’t have any type of routine suffer from:

Stress. No routine often means having the constant worry of “when will I get it all done.”
Poor sleep. Without a daily routine at work and/or home, you may find yourself playing catch-up with yesterday’s to-do list. If you’re always behind on what should have been done the day before, you’re likely also staying awake worrying about what didn’t.
Poor eating. Unhealthy diets (like eating lots of fast food) become the norm if there isn’t time scheduled for grocery shopping. Quick, unhealthy substitutes become the next best food option.
Poor physical condition. Working out usually requires some advance planning.
Ineffective use of time. Often, no routine means you simply run out of time, leaving things undone and not making the most of your time.

Once I nailed down and freed up my Saturday’s, I examined and really dialed into my daily and weekly schedule. It looked something like this with occasional changes due to work commitments and/or poor air quality in LA:

Monday and Tuesday	– Usually Peloton, ride outdoors if time and weather permitting – Add walking if and when possible for at least 1 hour	Strength training
Wednesday	– Usually Peloton, ride outdoors if time and weather permitting – Add walking if and when possible for at least 1 hour	Cardio only
Thursday and Friday	– Usually Peloton, ride outdoors if time and weather permitting – Add walking if and when possible for at least 1 hour	Strength training
Saturday	Long bike ride adventure	Cardio only
Sunday	Recovery ride or walk	Cardio only

This schedule emerged in order to ensure I was getting in my training as outlined by my coach to keep me working towards my goals: fat loss and to maintain my strength. Many people battle getting in their workouts and it’s not because they don’t want to workout, but because they lack the ability to create a routine and then follow it. For me, the schedule is my lifeline, serving as a non-negotiable. Sure, occasionally a strength day gets pushed a day—but I never miss a workout. I never make excuses to skip the work I know needs to be done and the work I know I will be glad I committed to. Like anything else worth pursuing in our lives, it requires planning, dedication, sacrifice, and follow through. Our fitness, health, and wellness should be at the very top of our commitments and priorities because if we do not take care of ourselves inside and out—how can we be of the best service to those in our professional and personal lives? Just something to think about.

During the entire 15-week period which was the duration of my first semester as a doctoral student, not only did I maintain my schedule; but it allowed my weight loss journey to continue. At present, I am down nearly 35 pounds! The structure provided by my meal plan, fitness programming, and routine allowed me to actively work towards my aesthetic and athletic goals while thriving in the workplace and school. As time passed and I became more fit, my desire to push and test my limits grew greater.

My Saturday bike rides became longer and more challenging. Once terrified of elevation and the hard work it demanded of me, I now yearned for it. This transformation led me to feeling like I was finally ready after 6 months of riding my bike and training regularly for my first century ride. In fact, every time I thought about it, my heart fluttered with nerves and delight.

Was I really ready for this? Could I do this? What if I failed?

I was ready. I mean, it’s like anything else that is terrifying that we pursue—is one ever truly ready? There is only one way to tell and that’s by hurling oneself wildly outside of one’s comfort zone to see. Yes, I could do this, I was doing it, and I am going to complete it. And if for whatever reason I cannot and do not achieve what I set out to accomplish; then it’s an opportunity for reflection and growth.

Hell yes. I am doing the damn thing to do it—not to set any records, not to be the best, not for any recognition but to show myself how far I have come and reward my hard work with a hard effort as testament to my personal journey of self-improvement.

I had the time in the saddle. My body was physically ready—or so it felt like it was ready. And the date and location was set—Lizzy and I would drive to Palm Springs on Saturday, December 19, 2020 and spend the night. On Sunday, December 20, 2020, we’d wake up bright and early then tackle the 100-mile planned route with our Camelbak’s filled with water and food, and ride through the desert entirely unsupported…

How would we do? Did we have enough food? Enough water? What if something happens to one of our bikes…? And oh God, where will we use the restroom????

Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss the conclusion of this series, Part III: Preparing for your First Century Ride, We Can Do Hard Things

PART II: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, Alive, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Gratitude, LAUSD, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Remembering, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Be there for others, Gratitude, Tell Someone You Love Them / 0 comments

June 6, 2019

As a heads up: If you haven’t checked out PART I: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life that was published on May 23rd, 2019, before you continue reading this, be sure to check out that post for context.

But before I continue with Part II, I wanted to point out that you may [or may not] have noticed a common theme from my last few posts on this blog, Instagram, and on my podcast, Leveling Up with Arielle Miller.

My colleague made me this beautiful cake for me as an early birthday present and to serve as a send off as I gear up for my new adventure in Santa Ynez and with Lompoc Unified as a high school English teacher.
It’s little things like this, well this wasn’t so little, it took her two days to make this cake, that show others they matter to you and that they have positively impacted your life. This cake made me feel so special, loved, and valued.

As of late, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on life and the relationships we choose to foster with others. And in leaving what I consider to be some of the most important years of my life, it has shown me what I mean to others while reminding me that the only time we have is the present. Tomorrow is never promised, so please, please, please take the time to celebrate people you care about in real time. Do not wait for a deadline before wanting to call someone, grab drinks, go to brunch, or to host people in your home. Reach out now, don’t wait for great change or catastrophe–let those know whom you love that you love them.

I am by no means a perfect person. I have made mistakes. In fact, I have made many. Some that haunt me even today, and I can still feel the bitter sting of my past actions and choices, but I deserve that. I have hurt friends by not being there for them, not showing up for birthday parties, or dinners and more.

Nearly, eight years ago I lost my Uncle Craig. A beloved family member to all, adored for his eccentricity. Nevertheless, when he fell very ill from his diabetes, and was in assisted living, the drive from my parent’s home on Long Island was ‘always too long’ or ‘too much’. There simply was never ‘enough time for a visit’. Therefore, I never went. I never visited my uncle in his last few years and months on earth because I was too selfish, unable to carve out a few hours to ease his suffering. I mark my Uncle Craig’s death as the impetus, illuminating how I needed to reformulate the manner in which I was living my life. I said then and now live this truth: There is always time for anyone who is suffering, ailing, or in need of company. Period.

In the wake of my Uncle’s death, one of hardest things I have ever faced was reflecting on what I did, and in this case, did not do while my Uncle was alive. I vowed to never make the same mistake again. Subsequently, when my grandmother had a series of strokes after hip replacement surgery, rendering her bed ridden and in a care facility, I made sure to ALWAYS visit her when I came back to New York. ALWAYS. It did not matter how long or short my trip to New York was, and it did not matter how inconvenient going to see my grandmother was or potentially could have been. I made a promise to myself that I would not make the same mistake I made with my Uncle Craig ever again. Truly, I have tried to live my life in accordance to what I have learned from my past mistakes so that I could become an honorable person. One that when I looked in the mirror, I was proud of.

As we ushered in 2019, I consciously recommitted to go out of my way to support friends in any and every way I could. That meant showing up to grand openings of new businesses, for performances, parties, baby showers, and more. I started feeling better about my renewed purpose in being there for others. Showing up to these things felt right and has contributed to a wholeness I missed feeling. Sadly, I think all too often that people show up for others and events out of necessity, and that is not what I am talking about when I say to be there for others. Being there in the physical sense is not enough. Being there, fully committed to someone else is what I am talking about. It is about letting go of this notion that our time is somehow more valuable than others, that our shit is more important than being there for someone, and that there will always be time later on. Well, what happens if there is no later? There is only now.

Show up for others, and in turn, you are showing up for yourself. And hell, if people like you enough for being there for them, perhaps you’ll be lucky enough to have someone bake you a killer unicorn cake to show their appreciation for you.

Just saying.

PART I: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, anger, Celebration, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Commitment, Community, Current Events, Gratitude, Lifestyle, Married Life, mindfulness, News, Remembering, Santa Ynez Valley, Scleroderma, Uncategorized, Updates / Being Honest with Yourself, Birthday Party, Canceling Plans, Community, Friendship, LA Flake, Leaving Los Angeles, Life in LA, Lifestyle, Live Your Truth, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Life, Moving, Reflection, Santa Ynez Valley, Self-Reflection, Starting a New Life, Starting Over, Supporting others, Truth Speaker / 0 comments

May 23, 2019

I am moving in four weeks. Since alerting friends of my move from Los Angeles to the Central Coast (specifically Santa Ynez), I have been inundated with inquiries about having a going away party and/or trying to see me. And I am pleasant and as accommodating as I can be. But I cannot help but feel a bit hurt that people have the gall to ask those things, especially now of all times.

You know…In October, I threw a surprise party for my husband’s 40^th. Nearly 30+ people said they were coming and less than 10 of our friends showed up. I reserved space at a hip bar in Hollywood, had ordered appetizers, and was excited to show my husband how much those in our lives love him. However, in the days leading up to the party people started posting in the Facebook group AKA the invite that they could no longer make it. Ok, fine.

Then came the personal messages to my inboxes on Facebook and Instagram of people canceling. Finally, then came the texts. For the two days leading up to the party, the day of, night of, the hour before, and even DURING the party, people alerted me that “Sorry, I won’t make it”.

I cannot even begin to describe the deep hurt and overwhelming sense of sadness I carried around for the days surrounding the party. Even before heading out that night, I had to step outside my apartment and cry hysterically to my sister about how this party turned out to be a disaster. All I wanted was for my husband to feel special and this party had the complete opposite result. My husband saw the wetness in my eyes, heard the heaviness in my voice, and noticed my body language as I started to shut down.

For those of you whom do not know my husband Greg intimately, he is one of the most beautiful humans on this planet; and I am not just saying that because he is my husband. I am saying that because it is an irrefutable fact. Greg is loyal, hardworking, funny, and above anything and everything, he is kind. His gentleness is a defining attribute, one that balances my fiercely intense nature. Greg is patient, airing more on the introverted side, but also an incredible force as a fitness professional and as an athlete. He is selfless, dedicating himself to his graduate studies in Public Health, while working tirelessly to raise awareness for Scleroderma through fundraising efforts by running the LA Marathon. Is Greg a saint? Absolutely not. Is he a pretty fucking fantastic human? YES.

Sure, like everyone, there is always room for self-improvement and growth. In Greg’s case, he struggles to actively cultivate meaningful, personal friendships. Really, that is it. See, Greg has usually maintained two careers, working long hours in the hospitality industry into the wee morning hours, and then waking up early to travel to all corners of the city to teach morning and lunch time fitness classes for Equinox. This intense and exhausting pace with which he led his life left him with little time to see friends outside of his work life. Now, I cannot speak for Greg, and I am not sure at the time he even knew that his grueling schedule did not permit the fostering of friendships, but his constant go, go, go lifestyle left him exhausted and depleted. As we have discussed at length, Greg now knows, sees, and feels regret for not slowing down, for not taking more time for himself and others, for not recognizing the signs when his body was screaming for rest…But what is done, is done. The only thing that can be done is to look to the past for the lessons to inform how to live in the present while constructing the future. Hence, this move to the country.

Reeling from the emotions we experienced after Greg’s party, we both assumed some ownership over people not coming to Greg’s party because it is only fair. In years past, either Greg or the both of us did not always prioritize the relationships in our lives. All that considered and taken into account, we both walked away from his party raw and sad, but prepared and eager to apply what we learned in our lives.

This year we wanted to have a New Year’s Eve party because Greg cooks, we have a great place for entertaining, and we LOVE having people over. We sent out ‘feelers’ to friends and were met with “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I’ll let you know”. Sure, a few people said they had plans, some did not even respond. However, most people responded with what we both felt was along the lines of people waiting and/or looking for something better to come along. I get that, I really do. I get people want to weigh their options. However, when someone is trying to organize an event, especially someone who thought enough of you to invite you into their home; simply decline the offer. Wishy-washy responses like that are rude and inconsiderate; and I am fairly certain that your momma raised you better than that.

So, no.

We are not having a party because experience has shown me that people only show up when it serves them, not to celebrate others. I do not want to leave a city I love, filled with people I love on a sour note.

Call me angry or whatever you want. I am just calling it like it is. And perhaps I am angry, but I am going to honor that while committing to simultaneously relinquishing it as I stand in my power.

Honest. Raw. Authentic. Which is more than most people can say about themselves, so I will own it.

The madness and upheaval in leaving Los Angeles has stirred up many feelings, forcing me to truly go inward. From packing and saying good-bye to my chosen family, a common theme has emerged. We do not know what we have until it is gone. All too often, we look back on our lives perplexed, wondering where the time went…

Dismayed by missed connections and lapsed opportunities, often we are filled with regret when the shoulda, coulda, and woulda’s start to set in.

Why does it have to take someone you value and care about moving away before you want to spend time with that person, or tell that person what they meant to you?

Why does it take death and loss to realize that we did not make the time we thought we had, when we had it?

Why?

This is an important conversation to have with yourself. It is important to take a hard, honest, and REAL look at the person staring back at you in the mirror.

Recognize that if you are not the person you think you are and want to be—then the time to make those changes is NOW.

Not tomorrow or when it is convenient.

Now, because there is never enough time to spend with the people that you love and cherish, so stop waiting and putting it off.

I can say with confidence that I am proud of the life I choose to live, and the manner in which I lead it…

Stay tuned–To be continued in PART II: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life…

The LAUSD Teacher Strike, Part II: Gratitude is the Greatest Gift!

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Build connections, Celebrate, Community, Current Events, Featured, Giving Back, Gratitude, LAUSD, LAUSD Teacher Strike, Motivation Monday, News, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Top Stories, Uncategorized, UTLA / Community, Community Support, Education, Grateful, Gratitude, LAUSD, LAUSD Strike, LAUSD Teacher Strike, Middle School, Proud Teacher, Public Education, Public School Teacher, UTLA / 0 comments

January 28, 2019

Outside Virgil Middle School picketing when a few of my former students came out to show their support

PART II:

During the rain, parents, members of the community, and former students came to Virgil Middle School to bring doughnuts, homemade goods like hot beverages, tamales, tacos, and other tasty treats. One passerby stopped to drop off a stack of ponchos. Teachers took turns bringing food to share, setting up and breaking down the tents daily, purchasing various necessities like mega phones, batteries, and materials to make signs. People looked out for others—guarded their gear when venturing to rallies, gathered materials and items left behind, and above all, no one got left behind. Every single person on the picket line wasn’t a friend, they were family. We took trips to local businesses to use the restrooms. We painstakingly helped one another peel the layers upon layers off when breaking for lunch. We shared food, offering bites of burritos and pizza that we may have waited an hour in line to get at a rally because they were free. We took photos with and of one another, and giggled in delight after deciding if we should take another picture. These weren’t just people I have known and worked with through the years, these people became my brothers and sisters. What we shared out there, marching, walking, protesting, singing, dancing, chatting, yelling, and crying, can never be recaptured. Nor can the feelings of support from the community, city, and nation for the teachers of Los Angeles.

Thank you.

Me enjoying a much needed hot beverage. This is arroz con leche (rice and milk) that a parent of a student at Virgil Middle School made for the picketing teachers. Check out the size of that pot!
I am forever grateful to the parents of the community that I serve, thank you doesn’t seem like enough for the things you have done for us

For me though, one of the biggest things I am walking away from this experience with is feeling like I must have done something right in my life. During the strike, I received countless communication from students I’ve had over the years. These messages were former students sharing how my work as a teacher positively impacted them and included extensive gratitude for walking the line and taking a stand.

Rain or shine, and even if the strike went on for longer–every single bit of the effort I put forth into standing up for public education was worth it. It’s a pretty fantastic feeling to know that by proxy of being the teacher that I am, and for being who I am, that I changed people’s lives.

Marlen and Ashley, now 8th graders are two students I had in the 7th grade

Some powerful highlights of the six days were when one of my students, now 22 years old surprised me by showing up to the picket line with doughnuts. But that’s not even the best part! This young lady wanted to tell me in person that she is in graduate school to be a teacher…because of me. It’s ok, you can cry now. But wait, it keeps getting better.

Another one of my students came to show his support before heading to class. He now attends Syracuse University in New York and heralds his time in LAUSD and his teachers as the reason for his success[es].

And finally, another highlight comes from a man—I cannot even say young man, because he is now 27! He was in my first ever group of students when I started with LAUSD and now works in law enforcement. He is a single father with full custody of his two beautiful children that he is raising with the help of his parents. He is articulate, bright, responsible, and informed. The one thing though that spoke to me most that he is a thriving adult and proof what good teachers can do for a child’s future. Great teachers forever arm people with the skills and capabilities to live life wholly and completely on their own accord. Unable to picket with us due to his job, he took me to lunch. See, it’s the acts of kindness that reverberate for me.

Astrid, 22 years old, Graduate Student, future teacher.
Franklin, 20 years old, Syracuse University
Eduardo, 27 years old, Father and works in law enforcement
Leah, 9th grader at Bravo Medical Magnet
Karla, 8th grader, Virgil Middle School, Medical Magnet
Some of my former students showing their support
More students showing their support during the LAUSD Teacher Strike
Me with more of my former students, AKA my heart

It’s not that I taught these kids to write a kick ass essay (though that’s super important and really cool too), it’s that these kids clearly got ‘it’. And by ‘it’ I mean what it takes to be good human, to show compassion for others, to be an active participant in your community and society, to support others, to stand up for what you believe in, to view life’s challenges as opportunities, and above all, the value in expressing gratitude.

This strike wasn’t just about a fair contract for teachers. Well, in part it was. But it was a message to the world that teachers can and will stand up for what is right for students. The strike also showed me just how valuable a good teacher is (not that I didn’t already know and all). Teachers possess the power to forever alter the trajectory of one’s life for the better and the proof exists in the faces of those children, now adults, who stood by my side, reached out to me, or quietly watched their former teacher talk the talk and literally walk the walk.

This is the legacy I choose to leave behind.

Karla and Kimberly, now 8th graders were in my honors class and homeroom in the 7th grade–oh, the great times we had together!

Simply, I walk away from these six days with my newfound family, and a better understanding of how much both my colleagues and I matter to the kids we serve. I say this a lot and I will say it again. Being a teacher is a privilege. I have and will continue to take every single second I stand in front of kids seriously, and I thank you for calling me your teacher. I proudly wear the title Teacher (or ‘Miss’). And while I didn’t need a strike to show me the importance of the work I do and its impact, it only reinforced that quality teachers are needed more than ever.

My Healing Journey, Part II

Arielle Miller / 30 day cleanse, Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, At Home Workouts, Body Building, Celebration, Challenges, cleanse, Commitment, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Holistic Nutrition, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Nutrition, Updates / candida, candida cleanse, Fitness, Hard work, healing, Healing Journey, Health, Health and Wellness, Holistic Health, Holistic Nutrition, infertility, innercising, looking for answers, Mindfulness, rest and relaxation, Seeking answers / 0 comments

November 21, 2018

Everything Mona said made sense. It was eerie how well this woman knew what was happening to me and explained the long process ahead to getting me healthy again. But alas, it could be done. For the first time in a year, I had answers, someone who wanted to and could help, and an action plan. A few days later, I started on my natural supplement plan and Phase I of my Healing Journey which was [is] a very strict Candida Cleanse among other things.

One week in, and my clothes started to fit better.

One week in, the puffiness and swelling in my body and face disappeared.

One week in, I lost 7 pounds and started to feel lighter again. Not just in the literal sense, but as in taking up space. It is an odd thing to say in describing yourself, but prior to these positive changes in my body I just felt so off—so, so, so very darn off.

Then, just about one week in, I decided to go completely plant-based (as it was, we had cut my meat consumption dramatically to only one meal per day, so this was an easy transition).

Two weeks in, and my energy levels increased sustainably and now I do not need to nap just to get through the day.

Two weeks in, and my mood has changed. My overall demeanor is upbeat, positive, and I am feeling less and less anxious each day.

Two weeks in, I have lost another 2 pounds; making my total weight loss 9 pounds so far and there is STILL so much more work to be done (and note at the time this post goes live, I have not weighed myself, but I have had to take all my work clothes to the tailor to be taken in the waist!).

At three weeks in which is today, it will have been 29 days that I have been living a renewed and better life than I have lived in the last year.

But it doesn’t stop there. This work is not just about diet and supplementation. It’s about putting in time to ‘Innercise’ too. Each night I write in a gratitude journal noting the day’s highs and lows. I wrote recently on Instagram how this process has shown me that while we think there is always so much bad in our lives, it simply isn’t true. Each day, my Highs FAR outweigh the lows. As a matter of fact, in reflection most days, I cannot even think of a low. I’ve realized through this process that we ruminate on the negative things in our lives because we choose not to see the good. That, and we simply lack the capacity to see the good because we do not know how to filter it out from the perceived ‘bad’ in our lives. This process is showing me how to consciously seek out the light in my life and celebrate daily victories.

But, you want to know where the biggest shift has happed?

Some days I don’t workout. Yes, that’s right. Some days, I just come home from work, meal prep, read, watch some TV, and don’t go to the gym. I’m learning everyday how to listen to my body and its needs. If I am run down emotionally, mentally, and physically—hitting heavy weights will only exasperate my problems and existing negative feelings. Forcing myself to workout is just that—forced and at times felt like a punishment. Fitness and movement should never feel like you are serving a prison sentence. That is why I have worked intentionally to reframe what I do and when. At present while on my ‘Healing Journey’, I have completely phased out all heavy weight lifting. No Crossfit, no powerlifting, no body building, and no weight lifting at all. I have re-integrated yoga, steady state cardio, and added boxing to my workout routine with the occasional HIIT class here and there. And you know what’s happening? CHANGES!

I am actually becoming more fit by doing less.

I will say that again—I am actually becoming more fit by doing less.

My cardiovascular platform improves with every session in the gym. I am boxing longer, feeling less gassed out during workouts, getting faster, AND leaner by working smarter as opposed to harder.

What’s the catch?

What’s the takeaway?

Well, I think it’s clear.

If you want to make great changes in your life, you have to be willing to change your current trajectory and path. It is impossible to expect any shifts in your life if you aren’t willing to bend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah and I thought and said all the things:

I am working out and doing so hard, I am getting rest, I am eating healthy, I am seeing all the right doctors and specialists—blah, blah, blah, blah.

But what real changes was I actually making?

That’s the question.

As I excitedly navigate my new normal, eating what I call ‘unbreakfast foods’ for breakfast like brussels sprouts, eggs, and cauliflower with chicken bone broth (I am aware this isn’t plant based, but due to the gut-healing effects of bone broth, I am keeping it in my diet); I have chosen to alter my life. I have started to take control of my reality by flipping the script on my diet, the types of workouts I am doing while healing, and assessing how I feel about doing them. If an upcoming workout is stressing me out or rendering negative emotions—I skip it and do something else, or nothing at all. I am living slower. Taking on less, saying ‘No’ more and putting my husband and myself first. I stop to meditate, write in a journal, and truly reflect on the blessings in my life. I would have never thought that in the midst of getting healthy again that I would feel so blessed and bountiful.

During this amazing shift in my life, it was time for me to see the fertility specialist. Remember in my last post I mentioned I had seen a gynecologist who referred me to a specialist to address my cycle? When I made the appointment waaaaayyyyy back in August, November seemed like a lifetime away then; but the time had arrived nonetheless. Greg accompanied me to the extensive 2-hour appointment and workup. After a thorough medical history regarding menstruation, it was decided more data was need to confirm what everyone has suspected for years; that I do not ovulate.

Translation for those of you who do not understand the implications of this: If I had wanted to get pregnant, I could not become pregnant. I appear to menstruate irregularly, but it’s break through bleeding. Ultimately, the lining of my uterus is thickening as a result of not ‘sluffing’ it out monthly which could potentially lead to cancer. Finally, not menstruating regularly is a clear marker of hormonal dysfunction—period, see what I did there?!

Some tests confirmed what the doctors already suspected; I am indeed not ovulating which means I am not producing progesterone. And while I was diagnosed 4 years ago with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I do not actually have it. This recent discovery was a suspicion my doctors and I raised in July because I didn’t have the symptoms of PCOS aside from irregular menses and difficulty losing weight. Ahem, this could be basically ANYTHING?! That said, when I did the research 4 years ago and I was given the initial diagnosis, it seemed right enough. So, I took the Metformin I was prescribed and accepted that this was how things were. I am so glad we took a closer look at this because in July 2018, my doctors told me to stop taking the Metformin. I mean, it wasn’t like it was actually helping control my weight. I was on the maximum dosage while gaining weight rapidly, so there was no point to take the drug unnecessarily.

This whole reproductive health discussion may appear off topic, but it’s not. This is all part of the bigger picture–the whole picture, the complete picture. How can I truly expect to be healthy if one crucial system of my body is shut down, dormant, and not fully functional? Whether I want to have children or not isn’t the issue here and that I want to make clear. Getting my body what it needs to start working again on its own is the goal.

Greg and I asked the doctors if my reproductive challenges played a role in my weight gain and other issues that I have experienced in recent years. They can’t emphatically conclude that it’s the sole culprit, but not ovulating does have its implications and certainly could have played a role. At present, I have been prescribed a 10-day cycle of progesterone to try to induce my period. If that doesn’t work, we go from there*. But again, it comes back to this—I am taking the right steps and actions to get healthy. I am taking a proactive role in my health and doing that AND getting answers feels so darn good.

I mean it when I say that I feel like I have been given a brand new life. I know now that this all had to happen for a reason…

So I could share my tale and inspire others to regain their health. Don’t be afraid to keep asking questions and demanding answers. Don’t stop seeking the answers, even in what may appear like the most unlikely of sources. And most importantly, don’t ever give up. You only get once change to live this life in the one body you were given, so give it your all—you deserve to feel better in your body!

*Since this post was written, further tests concluded much to everyone’s surprise it appears that I am actually ovulating. I was advised not to take the progesterone and will return to the fertility specialist in 3 months to monitor my reproductive system. Again, still lots of question marks, but the doctors and I are working in tandem to get to the bottom of this. I feel more optimistic than ever that in the near future, we will have more answers.

Live Your Best Life As Your Best Self in 2018

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, Adversity, balance, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Community, Fitness, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Married Life, mindfulness, Motivation Monday, Updates, Yoga / 2018, Dedication, Goal Crushing, Goal Digger, Goal Setting, Goals, Happy New Year, Married Life, Motivation, New Year, New Years Resolutions, Setting Intentions / 0 comments

January 1, 2018

It’s the New Year so you’ve committed to a “New You”. You have bought yourself new kicks, snagged a new gym membership, and you are ready to re-invent yourself in 2018. Whoohoo! Well, here’s my problem with this whole “New You” business. This concept suggests that the person you were in 2017 wasn’t good enough and I don’t like that. What was wrong with who you were in 2017? So maybe you didn’t achieve what you set out to do, you didn’t meet the partner of your dreams, get that promotion, whatever—but that doesn’t mean the entire year was a wash and what’s more, it certainly doesn’t require an entire personal overhaul [unless of course, you are are horrific human and in that case-well, tear it all down and begin anew].

Ladies and gentleman, we are entirely too hard on ourselves. We HAVE to love ourselves more so that we can thrive (yes, yes, yes I am working very hard on accepting certain aspects of myself, sigh). For us all, last year like any other was filled with joy, struggle, and laughter. For all the bad that may have happened, there was also SO MUCH good! In looking back at your 2017, as you prepare to tackle 2018, I want to ask what I feel to be more pertinent questions:

What speaks to your heart?
What are you doing to bring the things that speak to your heart alive?
How have you nourished your soul?
How are you filling your cup while you are serving others?

What terrifies you?

I mean what is something you have always wanted to do, but let your own fear and self-imposed inadequacies stand in the way of you reaching out, branching out, and growing?

Get involved in something.

Be part of something bigger than yourself.

Commit to something.

Train for something.

Find your faith or connect to a higher power. Whatever your faith maybe or whatever it is for you where you derive your spirituality from should be something that brings you strength.

The thing is here, there are no right answers to how you need to cultivate your soul, fill your heart with life and light, and wake up invigorated and energized by life. I invite you to move away from thinking you need to change the you that the world knows. The current you is just fine. Simply, look to this New Year as a season of hope, after all–obstacles in our lives are merely opportunities in disguise.

I wish you all the happiest New Year as you look boldly and confidently ahead. I will be here to celebrate your journey, laugh, sweat, and cry with you. So stop what you are doing right now. Reflect and dare to dream big. You hold the pen to craft this tale and it is up to you to fill the pages of your story.

Arielle’s Goals and Vision Board

And to help hold us all accountable, I am sharing my personal vision board with you all. About a month ago on November 19th, 2017, Greg and I each created our own vision boards to kick our lives into gear before 2018–’cause why the hell not?

We mapped out 3 things to focus on individually: Short, Mid-Range, and Long Range goals with tangible time frames, as well as couple goals we hoped to accomplish together (seen on my board above).

At present, Greg and I have our goals hanging on our closet doors so we see them daily. Personally, I like to take a quiet moment when starting AND ending my day to check back and reflect on my goals while rereading them.

We had a great time doing this little exercise together: markers, colored paper, wine, and them some good TV when we were decorating…Or when I was decorating, haha. Doing things like setting intentions, goal setting, and vision boarding helps not only bring you closer to your hopes and dreams, but also those you care about!

Greg’s Goals and Vision Board

Happiest of 2018, my Fitness Family, Friends, Loved Ones, Students, and those whom I have never met. I hope this year is truly transformative!

When Given the Choice Between Being Right or Being Kind, Choose Kind

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Adversity, Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, Build connections, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Community, Giving Back, Gratitude, Hard Work, Married Life, Scleroderma, Teacher Life, Updates, Yoga / 2018, Autoimmunity, Choose Kind, Fitness, Helping Others, Holiday Season, New Year, New Years Resolution, Scleroderma, Sclerosis, Wellness, Yoga / 2 comments

December 30, 2017

As the New Year rapidly approaches many of us turn our gaze inward for our annual forced introspection and goal setting. For me though, I like to check in with myself periodically to hold myself accountable to the things I love in an effort to live my best life; but like many of us, I too cannot help but feel that same pull as 12:00am on December 31^st inches ever closer.

This year for me has been filled with unforeseen trials, tragedies, and triumphs. From competing in my first ever powerlifting meet, to taking a hiatus from teaching yoga after 5 incredible years, to sharing a blissful 2^nd wedding anniversary with my love, to my sister’s engagement (it only took long enough!), to sadly my grandmother suffering multiple strokes and landing in a nursing home, to coaching at Orangetheory Fitness [then quitting], to gaining 22 pounds, and so, so, so much more.

But also amidst 2017, I was voted onto various committees at my school where I started assuming more responsibilities in pseudo-leadership roles. This year, I have thrived in my classroom as a middle school teacher, and experienced a rejuvenation for my craft I haven’t felt in YEARS. It seemed that my life, while filled with challenges was [finally] falling, no—it was settling into place.

My second life and career in the fitness world teaching cycling, yoga, and other fitness formats for One Down Dog and Equinox was coming full circle. I was being sent to trainings, teaching more formats, and getting recognition in being selected to participate in high-profile events through Equinox like Cycle for Survival and Cycle for Heroes. It seemed that my life was hurling right ahead in all the positive directions I had intended until one fateful April morning when my husband Gregory was diagnosed with Limited Systemic Sclerosis, more commonly known as Scleroderma.

As I have previously written, those early days are hard to recall. They are kind of a blacked out blur. And to be completely honest, much of what I take away is the fear in my husband’s eyes and the ceaseless crying. Just flirting with 2 years of marriage…my beloved husband was delivered earth-shattering news that would forever alter both our lives…

Would Greg die?

What would happen to his body?

How would I assume the role care-taker?

The questions didn’t stop and they haven’t stopped—that’s one of my husband Greg’s greatest and most irksome qualities: His ability to ask incessant, albeit mostly great questions.

We mobilized immediately and jumped head first into the Scleroderma community meeting new people, touched by their stories and strength, making life-long friends, attending galas, donating money, but above all—giving back. Together, side-by-side, Greg and I held a fundraiser at One Down Dog where we got our yoga on and auctioned off donated goods from community partners in raffles and a silent auction for the Scleroderma Foundation of Southern California. Jessica Rosen, One Down Dog’s owner graciously donated the space, matched donations, and helped us do something great for others for no reason other than it was the right thing to do–help those in need.

Inspired by the success of our first fundraiser, Greg and I set our sights on a second fundraiser, but as fate would have it; Greg was promoted to Group Fitness Manager at an Equinox club out of the initial proposed location—putting the fundraiser on hold for the moment. Again, so much darn good this year—that’s for sure.

Look at that smile! Michael, a Scleroderma Warrior!

The holiday season rounded the corner and Greg stumbled upon someone’s Instagram page that piqued his interest. It was of a mother sharing photos and the story of her 9-year-old son Michael fighting Scleroderma (click HERE to visit Tiffany’s Instagram). Immediately, Greg and Tiffany started talking via social media. We came to learn much about Michael’s struggles and bravery. At just 9-years-old, Michael had been battling Scleroderma since he was 3-years-old! Additionally, Micheal’s condition was further complicated by his Parry-Romberg Syndrome, (also known as progressive hemifacial atrophy) which is a rare disease characterized by progressive shrinkage and degeneration of the tissues beneath the skin, usually on only one side of the face (hemifacial atrophy) but occasionally extending to other parts of the body (Wikipedia.com). Needless to say, Michael’s story touched our hearts deeply.

Both Greg and I repeatedly poured over Tiffany’s Instagram…our hearts aching for poor Michael. At times, I even felt ashamed of myself for having the audacity to pity myself by calling myself fat, or ruminating on the 22 pounds I put on—I mean, c’mon. There are people who have REAL struggles and my biggest issue in my life is at times I think I am fat?! What in the actual hell is wrong with me?!

Michael’s mother posted to her Instagram about his upcoming surgery—a fat transplant procedure that would help restore some symmetry to Michael’s face. She discussed an online giveaway she had entered with the hopes of winning a Nintendo Switch to give Michael for Christmas. Tiffany went on to discuss in her post that her husband was trying to work overtime to afford the pricey console. It was then when Greg turned to me and said, “I want to buy Michael the Nintendo Switch.”

The Brave Michael pre-surgery

There was no hesitation, and no discussion needed. Immediately, I responded, “Great. So buy it.”

Greg reminded me that we’d be spending money on a complete stranger and that spending this kind of money would have its repercussions; but we both didn’t care. This was the right thing to do, just like the many others that have done the right thing/s for us. Finally, it was our turn to pay it forward.

To me, money is just that—money. If something I have can alleviate the pain and suffering of someone else, then so be it. Seeing Michael open his Nintendo Switch on Christmas…knowing that Greg and I were able to do something truly altruistic this holiday season was all the thanks we both needed. We knew buying Michael that Nintendo Switch was money well spent.

In looking back, to say I lived a lifetime this year would be an understatement. Filled with lots of good, some bad, and few very ugly parts; I need to say that Greg’s diagnosis has come as a blessing in disguise. Greg has been entrusted to be the face of this little-talked about and very rare autoimmune disease. Greg’s diagnosis inspired him to head back to school for a Master’s in Public Health so that he can help others afflicted with autoimmune conditions. We have collectively fundraised thousands of dollars to help in Scleroderma research and patient advocacy. And as of yesterday, Greg officially registered for the LA Marathon and will be running to raise awareness and funds for Scleroderma!

Yes, there isn’t a day that doesn’t pass that I do not look at my husband and worry about his health. There are times where my eyes well with tears in a collective sadness, lamenting for my husband’s lack of mobility, range of motion, and incredible discomfort in his body. Nothing about Greg’s daily life, or mine for that matter is, nor will remain easy—and that’s ok! Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way. For it is only through trials and tribulations does one truly cultivate perseverance, wherewithal, and character.

So, while we may not have had a choice in what 2017 dealt us when Scleroderma chose us; in 2018 it will not define us. There is no time to be sad, worry, and feel bad for ourselves as that won’t change anything. The only way I see my year and moving grandly into 2018 is by taking action. We won’t stop, and can’t stop.

Wishing you all a very happy and healthy New Year, here’s you my friends and family as we rise up together to live our lives as our best selves.

The Advocate I Should Have Always Been

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, anger, Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, Blog, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Community, Confidence In Movement, Fitness, Gratitude, mindfulness, Motivation Monday, Scleroderma / Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, Charity, Chronic Illness, Family, Gratitude, Love, Lupus, Mother, Mother Daughter, Scleroderma / 0 comments

July 31, 2017

Over the years I have encountered my fair share of friends raising money for AIDS, Breast Cancer, and so on. Often times their reasons for involvement were obvious; but I always still wondered, why people got involved, how they got involved, and what kept them involved. So when I could, I happily donated.

Just this past year, I was bestowed the incredible honor of being able to ride (as a support cycling instructor) on stage at Equinox’s annual Cycle for Survival event which raises millions of dollars a year to fund rare cancer research at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. I cried while listening to the harrowing tales of sadness, but I was struck by the strength of our community. Cancer or no cancer in my life, my heart felt deeply for every family that lost a mother, father, friend, daughter, son, niece, nephew and so on. Cancer affects us all. Sadly, cancer and cancer-related deaths are on the rise; thus its visibility and diagnoses at this point are not a matter of if cancer will strike a family, but when.

The big ‘C’ or ‘FUCK CANCER’, like so many say, rightfully so garners a serious reaction from people. You mention cancer and people instantly give you their attention and sympathies. Cancer is something we talk about, know about, and are much more public about. It is something we are more comfortable discussing because tragically cancer has become so commonplace in our world as a result of environmental factors, diet, industrialization, and more.

But this post isn’t about cancer.

And this post certainly isn’t about devaluing anyone’s battle or struggles either. My problems are not bigger than yours, and we are not in competition with one another with respects to whom has been dealt a shittier hand of cards. This post is merely about my life and experience with respects to growing up with my mother, someone afflicted with an autoimmune disease.

For me, this is about drawing awareness to chronic illness. It has been my experience that when I encounter people afflicted with autoimmune conditions, they down play them or very quickly mention it as an afterthought. Usually, the thought is then followed up with, ‘Well, you probably haven’t heard of it…’ before changing the subject. And maybe, no—I haven’t. All of us haven’t because when it comes to chronic illness, there is no cure or potential cure, and in the interest of being completely candid—we just do not know what to say or how to react to something we do not know, nor understand. We all fight our own battles and choose to wage war differently. For me, the way I wage a war is to strike straight to the heart and make you feel something in order to stimulate action. I openly discuss the happenings of my life with the hopes that somehow, somewhere, my story is touching a life…

My amazing mother and I. This pic is from September 2016 when she flew out to LA to support me in my first body building show!

My mother has lived with an autoimmune disease virtually her entire life. At 19 years old her youthful body was fatigued and rundown. She was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). However, as my mother aged, her symptoms worsened and did not subside. It wouldn’t be until almost 20 years later when my mother would be diagnosed with Lupus. I was in middle school at the time (though my mom seems to think elementary school) and this was well before the internet, so all we had to work with was from what the doctors told us. Still, the gravity of my mother’s Lupus never truly made sense nor hit home. I think this happened because as a pre-teen one’s only thoughts and focus are on and of oneself.

As I moved into my teenage years, I was a nightmare to deal with. I was not only unruly, but a raging mess of hormones. I was violent, aggressive, and my moods erratic. I spent much of my high school years grounded and bitching to my boyfriend Josh how much I hated ‘them’. During our family blowouts, my father would scream at me, “YOU ARE KILLING YOUR MOTHER!”

That was the only time my mother’s illness ever came into play or conversation—when I upset her or the status quo at home, which trust me, was a daily occurrence.

We never changed our diets; my parents remained relatively sedentary outside of commuting to and from their jobs in New York City, and life rolled on. However, yearly we attended the Lupus Walk to raise money for research. The impression though that I got from my parents was it was a half-assed effort. Something they did because they felt obligated to; as opposed compelled to participate in because of a deep seeded want to help their cause. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing either—to each his or her own. Just because someone is afflicted with something doesn’t call for instant and complete mobilization of charity events, fundraisers, and involvement. The difference between my parents and their approach to my mother’s illness when compared to my husband and his disease is vast. People like myself and my husband Greg rally our community around our passions and causes. Albeit, the world we reside in is immensely different than the world of yesteryear with things like crowdfunding and social media; but we are public and visible with our successes and our struggles.

My beloved family at our wedding in LA

My mother never complained, asked ‘why me?’, or even demanded special treatment. As a matter of fact, my mother retired from her work at Con Edison after 41 years of service never even informing her employers of her condition or filing for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). To say my mother, whom is this sweet and kind soul is tough, is an understatement. She’s a quiet kind of fierce. The kind you never saw coming—a woman that in her retirement took up yoga and water aerobics after YEARS of inactivity. My mother, as she ages is getting super weird as ‘old people do’—doesn’t miss a thing. Observant and thoughtful, she thinks of others first. Two days after I got my braces on, a package arrived at my house from Costco. My mother sent me a waterpik to ease my efforts in trying to keep my [new] braces clean. She is and always has been that behind-the-scenes kind of woman who deserved more from this life. Hell, from me. More on that in a bit.

My mother, now 61 years old lives with her Lupus and thankfully it doesn’t appear to be an issue. Granted, as with any disease these things manifest enormously different from person to person and can take a turn for the worse at anytime. My mom does take medication for various things and has throughout the years, but aside from minor hiccups here and there; she’s earned a relatively clean bill of health. I am convinced part of my mother’s longevity and relatively healthy life is a direct result of her mindset when it came to her illness. Granted, both she and my father could certainly eat better and be more active (yes, I am totally throwing you both under the bus here); but her mental state is precisely what’s correlated to her overall well-being. My mother chose to define life on her terms as opposed to letting her illness define her. Similarly, my husband Greg recently wrote about this topic on his blog. You can read his post by clicking HERE. I cannot emphasize enough the power of a positive mindset. We cannot control the things that happen to us in this life [like I mentioned in my last post, click HERE to read it], but we can consciously decide how we proceed forward.

Now as a woman now of 35, I feel deep sadness that I didn’t invest in my mother’s health and illness sooner. As my mother and my father age, I worry incessantly about their health and well-being. But more than that, I feel selfish that only now with my husband’s own chronic illness (Scleroderma) I am using my voice. I am embarrassed to say that my uncle has diabetes, my cousin breast cancer, and many of my friends are living with debilitating illnesses and NOW—now I am using my voice?! At times I grapple with feeling like I am not good enough to lobby for a cause, this cause in particular for I have willing sat idly for so long…And then I step back and realize that I need to be kinder to myself. Beating myself up to rally around and for every cause is not only not possible, but the timing wasn’t right for me.

The time is now.

I am grateful to have such inspirational people in my life to model how to gracefully approach adversity. Moreover, I am inspired by their strength to use my voice as a rallying cry to direct more funding towards autoimmune disease research, treatment, and spread awareness. I cannot look back at what I didn’t do but I can look ahead to the future and know what I can and will do.

Gratitude

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