Central Coast California

2019, A Year in Review

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, anger, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Fitness, Motivation Monday, Remembering, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates, Yoga / 2020, Change is Hard, Honest reflections, Leaving Los Angeles, Motivation Monday, New Year, New Years Resolution, Reflecting on 2019, Reflections, To Live and Die in LA, Year in Review, Yoga / 3 comments

January 6, 2020

If you told me at the start of 2019 what the year held in store for me, I would not have believed you. At this point, I think it’s safe to say that things have reached a point where I can only laugh, because if I do not laugh, then I will cry and that certainly won’t change what has happened in the last 12 months.

Over the course of 2019, I was forced to address tremendous obstacles including the death of friends and family, moving away from Los Angeles to move to Santa Ynez to begin teaching at Lompoc High School, and struggled to acclimate to life in a small town while being ‘The New Teacher’ in a rural agricultural community. Without a support network and stronghold in a fitness community, I grappled with accepting the choices that I made to commit to this move, and found myself overrun by regret.

I felt that by leaving Los Angeles, I ‘walked away’ from a life I built. As my plans and dreams unraveled before my eyes, this itch my husband and I just haaaaaaaad to scratch seemed to blister and fester into a gaping wound.

As I attempted to navigate all sorts of emotions surging through my mind, the most persistent one, was anger. I was angry at myself, angry at my husband, angry at the people who moved my husband and I here. And above all, I was enraged with The Universe for conspiring to get us here.

As my frustrations mounted with respects to the direction of my life, doubt crept into my soul and passions such as my yoga practice fell by the wayside. At one point, my yoga practice waned to nearly non-existent which had a devastating impact on my psyche, overall mental health, and spirituality. Then, next to go was my fitness. With no cohesive fitness community in the Santa Ynez Valley, I felt a massive void in my life. The gym, taking classes, teaching classes, chatting with members, meeting new people, socializing with fellow instructors, having access to such high-end, state of the art facilities, and just being immersed in that scene left me without the motivation to bring myself to push myself to the limits needed to challenge myself physically. Finally, I just stopped doing things that brought me joy all together. And not because I was too busy or discovered new interests, but none other than the simple fact that I was crippled by regretting a decision I had made [ahem, moving to the country] and my depression set in.

I started neglecting the things that I previously garnered happiness from like my social media, drawing, writing, and recording podcast episodes. Any semblance of self-care disappeared [aside from keeping up with my roots that is] until I stepped up to coach the Girls Wrestling team at Lompoc High School…it was not until this point that I presumed all was lost, I can now see what I gained. I gained experiences that shaped me, that showed me what I need and want in this world. Spending my afternoons and weekends coaching the most badass group of gals I’ve ever met has transformed me. There are no words to convey how darn special my wrestling girls are to me. Coaching my small team of misfits gave me renewed purpose and if I am being candid was one of the major factors WHY I considered not going back to LA. Yes, I love my girls that much. Furthermore, I discovered kindness in new friends and colleagues. My department welcomed me warmly, with my department chairperson always offering earnest assistance and guidance. And my favorite, being in Lompoc gave me the the joy of educating children that hugged me when they walked into my classroom, and told me they missed me when I was out.

So, as I pack up my life [yet again] gear up to resume my ‘normal’—whisking off to a gym after work to teach fitness classes; I unroll my yoga mat with humility knowing that no matter how far I have ever moved away from my practice, it always lives within me.

As of late, I’ve made my way back to the mat. And the greatest lesson 2019 has taught me is that in spite of how lost I’ve felt and wondered who I was, that all along I was me—always standing in my power, owning my awesome, and facing life and what it hurled at me head on.

2019, it has been a WILD ride.

2020, I AM SO READY FOR YOU.

Draw Me a Map

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Country Life, Draw Me a Map, Going Country, Overcoming Obstacles, Teacher, Teacher Life / 0 comments

November 1, 2019

When I was in college, my then boyfriend introduced me to country music. Now, being from Long Island listening to country music was blasphemy, but this was during the early 2000’s and country music was booming with the likes of Keith Urban, Big and Rich, Dierks Bentley, Gretchen Wilson, and more. Country had taken on a more mainstream approach and immediately I took to its storytelling and compelling lyrics. So, here we are in 2019 and oddly enough, like the darkest hours of my life during the Pop2K era circa 2000-2005, I find myself longing, reaching, and clinging to the words that carried me through what at the time was the most devastating thing in my life:

When my college boyfriend dumped me after I moved to Plattsburgh, New York for him because he ‘wasn’t ready for city life,’ after I turned down my job with Los Angeles Unified School District, AND after he had gotten into graduate school partly because I wrote his admissions essay.

It was a brutal blow. I cried for weeks. Ok, I cried for months, even well into my move to Los Angeles I still pined for him. But this isn’t about one of the many times my heart was ripped from my chest. This is about how the music of that very difficult time period in my life helped me heal and now, on the brink of a very different kind of madness, I am rediscovering and redefining the woman I am, and will be as a result of my new perspective.

Life right now is tough. Well, if I am being completely honest, that is a complete understatement. This whole move to the country thing has truly proven to be literally one disasterous thing after another. From the spider infestation in my house, and yes, that is what I am calling it, to the state of my classroom when I arrived, to the courses I was assigned to teach this school year, to my classroom not having air conditioning or heat, to my husband being disenchanted with his job, to locals spreading rumors and trying to run us out of town, to my windshield shattering, to my husband then being laid off…WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN, and this isn’t even all of it!?

It just seems that while the universe set us up to get here, it was like a colossal joke because nothing is what it seemed. Think Cher in Clueless, this whole country gig is like a ‘Monet.’ From a distance it looked and sounded like a good idea; but in actuality it turned out to just be a big ol’ mess.

Living in the country and starting a new life has presented new challenges, and as a result a host of other things have surfaced. And perhaps, that is precisely why I am here—that I needed to be here for those very reasons. But right now while in the thick of it, it is so hard to see the light while walking in this giant shit storm. After all, I moved away from a city I loved, left dear friends I loved, gyms and group fitness classes I loved, a job I loved, an apartment I loved, restaurants I loved—should I stop now? Or shall I continue wallowing in self-pity?

What is my purpose for being here? What am I supposed to learn?

I ask myself that over and over and over daily. Usually though, it’s after a serious of WTF’s, but that’s neither here nor there. And in asking myself these questions, it has lead me to deep reflection and to seek solace in the familiar, which for me are the country songs that helped me pull myself out of my break up post college. Literally, I will listen to the same songs on repeat while scanning my brain for deeper meaning and the universe’s message to me in all of this. Often times though, I find myself wishing and asking for the answers. Like, what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to be? Am I supposed to continue teaching in Lompoc? Go back to LA? Move to Santa Barbara? Ugh, I have all these questions, but no answers.

And much like a country song, I romanticized being here, living here, and what I would do here.

Horses, cowboys, rodeos, Stetson’s, long stretches of rural roads and wide open spaces.

I saw all of it so clearly in my mind before moving here. I pictured myself integrating seamlessly into my country life, personifying a country song. But now, while living this life, I cannot help but feel like a foreigner in my own life. I don’t recognize the house I live in, the school where I work, the gyms and studios where I teach fitness classes, or the life I walk through daily. It almost feels like I am watching someone else’s life play out. Or like this is a really bad movie where EVERYTHING and I mean everything that could go wrong for the protagonist does go wrong and you roll your eyes because it’s just that ridiculous?! Yea, that’s my life.

I spend much of my time confused, pondering what lessons I am to learn from my current struggles and the answer is always the same: it’s too soon for me to see what I am to learn from all this.

Still, I cannot help wondering why and how did every thing align to get us here? Why did it all go so right, to then only go so terribly wrong? And again, more questions. And if I am being honest, sometimes even pleading where exasperated, in desperation I ask my mother to tell me what to do.

What should I do?

Try to make it work here? Move to Santa Barbara? Try to get a new job somewhere else? Or go back to LA? What is the right thing to do? I just wish that someone could draw me a map to ensure that the next step I make won’t be the wrong one…Or was this the right step all along? A step the seemingly wrong direction to help me find the right direction?

I guess only time will tell.

PART II: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, Alive, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Gratitude, LAUSD, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Remembering, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Be there for others, Gratitude, Tell Someone You Love Them / 0 comments

June 6, 2019

As a heads up: If you haven’t checked out PART I: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life that was published on May 23rd, 2019, before you continue reading this, be sure to check out that post for context.

But before I continue with Part II, I wanted to point out that you may [or may not] have noticed a common theme from my last few posts on this blog, Instagram, and on my podcast, Leveling Up with Arielle Miller.

My colleague made me this beautiful cake for me as an early birthday present and to serve as a send off as I gear up for my new adventure in Santa Ynez and with Lompoc Unified as a high school English teacher.
It’s little things like this, well this wasn’t so little, it took her two days to make this cake, that show others they matter to you and that they have positively impacted your life. This cake made me feel so special, loved, and valued.

As of late, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on life and the relationships we choose to foster with others. And in leaving what I consider to be some of the most important years of my life, it has shown me what I mean to others while reminding me that the only time we have is the present. Tomorrow is never promised, so please, please, please take the time to celebrate people you care about in real time. Do not wait for a deadline before wanting to call someone, grab drinks, go to brunch, or to host people in your home. Reach out now, don’t wait for great change or catastrophe–let those know whom you love that you love them.

I am by no means a perfect person. I have made mistakes. In fact, I have made many. Some that haunt me even today, and I can still feel the bitter sting of my past actions and choices, but I deserve that. I have hurt friends by not being there for them, not showing up for birthday parties, or dinners and more.

Nearly, eight years ago I lost my Uncle Craig. A beloved family member to all, adored for his eccentricity. Nevertheless, when he fell very ill from his diabetes, and was in assisted living, the drive from my parent’s home on Long Island was ‘always too long’ or ‘too much’. There simply was never ‘enough time for a visit’. Therefore, I never went. I never visited my uncle in his last few years and months on earth because I was too selfish, unable to carve out a few hours to ease his suffering. I mark my Uncle Craig’s death as the impetus, illuminating how I needed to reformulate the manner in which I was living my life. I said then and now live this truth: There is always time for anyone who is suffering, ailing, or in need of company. Period.

In the wake of my Uncle’s death, one of hardest things I have ever faced was reflecting on what I did, and in this case, did not do while my Uncle was alive. I vowed to never make the same mistake again. Subsequently, when my grandmother had a series of strokes after hip replacement surgery, rendering her bed ridden and in a care facility, I made sure to ALWAYS visit her when I came back to New York. ALWAYS. It did not matter how long or short my trip to New York was, and it did not matter how inconvenient going to see my grandmother was or potentially could have been. I made a promise to myself that I would not make the same mistake I made with my Uncle Craig ever again. Truly, I have tried to live my life in accordance to what I have learned from my past mistakes so that I could become an honorable person. One that when I looked in the mirror, I was proud of.

As we ushered in 2019, I consciously recommitted to go out of my way to support friends in any and every way I could. That meant showing up to grand openings of new businesses, for performances, parties, baby showers, and more. I started feeling better about my renewed purpose in being there for others. Showing up to these things felt right and has contributed to a wholeness I missed feeling. Sadly, I think all too often that people show up for others and events out of necessity, and that is not what I am talking about when I say to be there for others. Being there in the physical sense is not enough. Being there, fully committed to someone else is what I am talking about. It is about letting go of this notion that our time is somehow more valuable than others, that our shit is more important than being there for someone, and that there will always be time later on. Well, what happens if there is no later? There is only now.

Show up for others, and in turn, you are showing up for yourself. And hell, if people like you enough for being there for them, perhaps you’ll be lucky enough to have someone bake you a killer unicorn cake to show their appreciation for you.

Just saying.

PART I: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, anger, Celebration, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Commitment, Community, Current Events, Gratitude, Lifestyle, Married Life, mindfulness, News, Remembering, Santa Ynez Valley, Scleroderma, Uncategorized, Updates / Being Honest with Yourself, Birthday Party, Canceling Plans, Community, Friendship, LA Flake, Leaving Los Angeles, Life in LA, Lifestyle, Live Your Truth, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Life, Moving, Reflection, Santa Ynez Valley, Self-Reflection, Starting a New Life, Starting Over, Supporting others, Truth Speaker / 0 comments

May 23, 2019

I am moving in four weeks. Since alerting friends of my move from Los Angeles to the Central Coast (specifically Santa Ynez), I have been inundated with inquiries about having a going away party and/or trying to see me. And I am pleasant and as accommodating as I can be. But I cannot help but feel a bit hurt that people have the gall to ask those things, especially now of all times.

You know…In October, I threw a surprise party for my husband’s 40^th. Nearly 30+ people said they were coming and less than 10 of our friends showed up. I reserved space at a hip bar in Hollywood, had ordered appetizers, and was excited to show my husband how much those in our lives love him. However, in the days leading up to the party people started posting in the Facebook group AKA the invite that they could no longer make it. Ok, fine.

Then came the personal messages to my inboxes on Facebook and Instagram of people canceling. Finally, then came the texts. For the two days leading up to the party, the day of, night of, the hour before, and even DURING the party, people alerted me that “Sorry, I won’t make it”.

I cannot even begin to describe the deep hurt and overwhelming sense of sadness I carried around for the days surrounding the party. Even before heading out that night, I had to step outside my apartment and cry hysterically to my sister about how this party turned out to be a disaster. All I wanted was for my husband to feel special and this party had the complete opposite result. My husband saw the wetness in my eyes, heard the heaviness in my voice, and noticed my body language as I started to shut down.

For those of you whom do not know my husband Greg intimately, he is one of the most beautiful humans on this planet; and I am not just saying that because he is my husband. I am saying that because it is an irrefutable fact. Greg is loyal, hardworking, funny, and above anything and everything, he is kind. His gentleness is a defining attribute, one that balances my fiercely intense nature. Greg is patient, airing more on the introverted side, but also an incredible force as a fitness professional and as an athlete. He is selfless, dedicating himself to his graduate studies in Public Health, while working tirelessly to raise awareness for Scleroderma through fundraising efforts by running the LA Marathon. Is Greg a saint? Absolutely not. Is he a pretty fucking fantastic human? YES.

Sure, like everyone, there is always room for self-improvement and growth. In Greg’s case, he struggles to actively cultivate meaningful, personal friendships. Really, that is it. See, Greg has usually maintained two careers, working long hours in the hospitality industry into the wee morning hours, and then waking up early to travel to all corners of the city to teach morning and lunch time fitness classes for Equinox. This intense and exhausting pace with which he led his life left him with little time to see friends outside of his work life. Now, I cannot speak for Greg, and I am not sure at the time he even knew that his grueling schedule did not permit the fostering of friendships, but his constant go, go, go lifestyle left him exhausted and depleted. As we have discussed at length, Greg now knows, sees, and feels regret for not slowing down, for not taking more time for himself and others, for not recognizing the signs when his body was screaming for rest…But what is done, is done. The only thing that can be done is to look to the past for the lessons to inform how to live in the present while constructing the future. Hence, this move to the country.

Reeling from the emotions we experienced after Greg’s party, we both assumed some ownership over people not coming to Greg’s party because it is only fair. In years past, either Greg or the both of us did not always prioritize the relationships in our lives. All that considered and taken into account, we both walked away from his party raw and sad, but prepared and eager to apply what we learned in our lives.

This year we wanted to have a New Year’s Eve party because Greg cooks, we have a great place for entertaining, and we LOVE having people over. We sent out ‘feelers’ to friends and were met with “I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I’ll let you know”. Sure, a few people said they had plans, some did not even respond. However, most people responded with what we both felt was along the lines of people waiting and/or looking for something better to come along. I get that, I really do. I get people want to weigh their options. However, when someone is trying to organize an event, especially someone who thought enough of you to invite you into their home; simply decline the offer. Wishy-washy responses like that are rude and inconsiderate; and I am fairly certain that your momma raised you better than that.

So, no.

We are not having a party because experience has shown me that people only show up when it serves them, not to celebrate others. I do not want to leave a city I love, filled with people I love on a sour note.

Call me angry or whatever you want. I am just calling it like it is. And perhaps I am angry, but I am going to honor that while committing to simultaneously relinquishing it as I stand in my power.

Honest. Raw. Authentic. Which is more than most people can say about themselves, so I will own it.

The madness and upheaval in leaving Los Angeles has stirred up many feelings, forcing me to truly go inward. From packing and saying good-bye to my chosen family, a common theme has emerged. We do not know what we have until it is gone. All too often, we look back on our lives perplexed, wondering where the time went…

Dismayed by missed connections and lapsed opportunities, often we are filled with regret when the shoulda, coulda, and woulda’s start to set in.

Why does it have to take someone you value and care about moving away before you want to spend time with that person, or tell that person what they meant to you?

Why does it take death and loss to realize that we did not make the time we thought we had, when we had it?

Why?

This is an important conversation to have with yourself. It is important to take a hard, honest, and REAL look at the person staring back at you in the mirror.

Recognize that if you are not the person you think you are and want to be—then the time to make those changes is NOW.

Not tomorrow or when it is convenient.

Now, because there is never enough time to spend with the people that you love and cherish, so stop waiting and putting it off.

I can say with confidence that I am proud of the life I choose to live, and the manner in which I lead it…

Stay tuned–To be continued in PART II: Feelings, Truth, and More Truths about Life…

To Live, Luv, + Leave El Lay

Arielle Miller / Adventure, Alive, balance, Blog, Build connections, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Fitness, LAUSD, Lifestyle, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Begin Again, Being Courageous, Equinox, Leaving Los Angeles, Lompoc, Lompoc Unified School District, Los Angeles, Los Olivios, New Job, New Life, Overcoming Obstacles, Podcast, Proud Teacher, Santa Ynez, Santa Ynez Valley, Starting a New Life, Starting Over, Teacher, Teacher Life / 7 comments

May 8, 2019

The last 15 years of my life have been the absolute best, most challenging, formative years of my life.

Immediately after my undergraduate studies, I ran off to Los Angeles after my college boyfriend broke my heart. I left behind family and virtually no friends, as I did not cultivate relationships with people from high school. While in college, I struggled with my own demons, making it hard for others to want to be around me, so leaving the few lasting friendships did not faze me.

So, at 22 years old, I ran off to Los Angeles to escape myself, masking it as self-discovery and reinvention. I started my new life teaching 8^thgrade English at a low-income, high needs, and ‘rough’ school in the heart of urban LA. I did not know of gangs, LA traffic, lip fillers, butt implants, which hipster neighborhood to live in, the meaning of cholo, or how to get into the coolest clubs. Nonetheless, I leapt head first into a life where ignorance was bliss, thus allowing me to thrive. Precisely because I had zero sense of failure, it never crossed my mind that I could actually fail at something.

My love affair with Los Angeles blossomed virtually instantaneously, and I was smitten with this city. From the late night burrito and taco spots, to the laid back nature in which teachers dressed for work, to the upper echelon of bougie Beverly Hills, fancy restaurants, bars, and clubs, to the beach, to the gritty and tough environment of my teaching jobs—I loved this city and she loved me.

Los Angeles embraced my incessant desire to express myself through clothes, hair, and tattoos. Various administrators turned a blind eye to my self-generated, edgy, and contemporary English Language Arts curriculum, thus allowing me to find my place as an educator and flourish. Even my no nonsense and unapologetic approach to teaching my fitness classes was welcomed [in most cases, haha]. Los Angeles just seemed to get me and LA looked damn good on me.

Oh, to live and die in LA.

Los Angeles is my home. In fact, if you were to ask me where I were from, I would respond, “El Lay”. Yes, I was born and raised in New York, but Los Angeles is where I grew into the woman I am today. Los Angeles has shaped my belief systems, passions, politics, and so much more.

I am a proud Angeleno through and through.

Life in LA is not just good for me. It is great.

And so, it seems only fitting that after the best years of my life, having established myself in working for Equinox, one of the most prestigious fitness brands in the world and recently getting promoted at the school district, it is time for a new adventure…Right?!

Recently, while on Spring Break in Los Olivos with my husband Greg, we were presented with an opportunity to relocate to our Happy Place. A place that we dreamed of living ‘one day’ without ever really thinking that ‘one day’ would actually come [well before retirement that is].

After a beautiful love affair with Los Angeles, my husband and I will be moving to Santa Ynez Valley, California’s Central Coast to begin a new life and adventure in Los Olivos.

Before I get into the details, I do want to share something with you all.

When I first met my husband nearly six years ago, I told him I dreamed of moving to this ‘small town called Los Olivos’. Greg scoffed at the idea of me—ME, living in a small town. But after our first trip up to the area together in June 2014, Greg said to me, “Now, I get it.” It was then our little dream started to incubate. We toiled with moving. We chuckled while drinking wine in the tasting rooms and talked about how “One day…” while telling everyone we met during our trips to the Santa Ynez Valley that ‘we want to move up here’. I mean, come on. How many tourists say shit like that?! Ahem, like everyone, but how many actually do it?!

Then, in November of 2018, I made a vision board. Upon arriving home from another blissful trip to our “Happy Place”, I started gathering images evoking positive feelings associated with the life I wanted to live…The life I wanted—no, was going to manifest. These images were simple, capturing rolling hills, wine, horses, books, some athletic clothing, and a simple life. Quite the departure from the life I lived in LA. I looked at my vision board and if I am being honest, I didn’t think much other than it was pretty badass. Before landing on my closet door, my vision board remained propped up on our bar in the living room for a few weeks.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think, could I think, or would I think that in a matter of months, literally every single thing on that vision board would leap off the page to become my new reality. Talk about The Law of Attraction, that’s for sure!

Greg will soon, and by soon, I mean very soon, transition back into managing a restaurant as the General Manager for The Bear and Star at The Fess Parker Inn. In addition, I am eager to report that I too have gotten a new job at Lompoc Unified School District (LUSD). Talk about mind meld—from LAUSD to LUSD that sure is going to take some getting used to on my part. I am thrilled to share with you all that next year, I assume my new position at Lompoc High School teaching 9^thgrade English and English Language Development (ELD). Now, as someone who has just spent the past year in an out-of-classroom district role, the terminology used to reference this transition is, ‘I am going back to the classroom’. And I need to tell you, I never liked that phrasing and I like it even less now seeing it ascribed to my venture moving out of LAUSD. The term ‘going back to the classroom’ implies some sort of demotion, or assumption that the role of a classroom teacher is somehow lesser than working in an out-of-classroom capacity. Simply, that is not true. I am not going ‘back’ anywhere. I am returning to a place where I am needed most. A place where 150 bodies walk through my door every day and it is my job to empower, inspire, and educate them. A place where what I say and how I do my work can potentially alter the trajectory of someone’s life for the better. A place where hormones, out bursts, pimples, and boyfriend/girlfriend drama are commonplace. A place, a place…

A place where I feel whole, overwhelmed with purpose doing the best work in the world. A place where I know what I say may not resonate in the immediate, but will reverberate years down the line. A place where I learn everyday through the eyes of a child. A place where I am the best I can be.

That place is THE CLASSROOM.

So, when I say I am ‘going back to the classroom,’ I am going home. I am going to MY PLACE where I shine brightest by helping others tap into their greatest potential.

Now, that is not without saying that I am not scared to take this step, because I am. I am terrified to leave the only meaningful friendships I have ever known. To relinquish my fitness classes that I worked so hard for, earning my place on a schedule, and then building a following. To leave a well-respected district position with LA Unified where I thrived and looked at my career in education and said, “It’s all up from here!”

And trust me, I saw it all. In two years I would be an Assistant Principal…then a Principal, then…

Nevertheless, sometimes things change. Sometimes plans, ambitions, and dreams evolve and that is OK! For the last seven years, I have taught group fitness, six of those years for Equinox. The grind and hustle of working, maintaining, and remaining at the top of my craft in two career fields has taken everything I had deep within me. Also, it has taken my time from self-care, social engagements, and didn’t leave anything left for passion projects like this blog, my motivational speaking, my new podcast Leveling Up with Arielle Miller, and so much more. My entire 30’s have been dominated by work, work, work, and all I have to show for the ferocious commitment to my careers are some Instagram followers, extreme fatigue, low self-esteem from the fitness industry since I will never ‘look good enough’, and a wholllleee lotta leggings.

Seriously though, we celebrate this no-days off mentality, this constant “I’ll sleep when I am dead’ mentality but that’s just it—you’ll be dead, so you won’t be able to reap the joys of your constant laboring. There must be—no, there IS more to life than zipping through life at a million miles an hour. How can I, rather, how can one, enjoy this life if you are too busy to even experience it? For me, this move is about re-establishing balance and boundaries in my life. This move is about giving myself the permission I would have never been able to give myself living in Los Angeles. Permission to begin again, to step back, to give up classes, to work out more purposefully, and to simply DO ME.

Wow, do me. Now, that frightens me. How does one go from having seemingly ‘no time’, to now being able to have the accessibility to pursue matters of the heart and soul simply because one can as opposed to IFthey can…?

Sure, some may call me brave for willingly catapulting myself into the unknown, but remember this:

People are only brave because they are scared.

Moving is scary. Leaving a fitness community, gym, job, colleagues, routine, and so much more that is familiar, safe, and comfortable is a lot for me to grapple with and I would be lying if I told you that I was so strong that I handled this in stride. I have cried every day since Greg and I said “YES” to us and a new life. And I haven’t cried for any other reason than lamenting leaving whilst being SO excited to hit the reset button on my life. Also, in some respects I am mourning a figurative death as I leave my beloved El Lay and all that I have come to love in all its familiarity.

In deciding to leave LA, I feel like I am letting so many people down. I feel like I am turning my back on those who need me, even though we damn well know I am doing nothing of the sort. It just feels like I am choosing to throw away a life I have worked tirelessly to build, even though I know that is not true and it’s only my silly perception. However, in reflecting with my husband…Should we move? Should we not move?

Me and Greg at a Carhartt wine tasting in LA in March/April 2018

What if it doesn’t work out?

We kept asking ourselves,What if it DOES work out?

For the both of us, the resounding thought was, what if in 20 years from now we looked over at one another and wondered what could have been…What if we said aloud, “Remember when we could have taken a grand adventure, but we were too scared to…”

What ifwe don’t take this chance?

Shoulda

Coulda

Woulda

Truth be told, I am more terrified to take this giant step then words can convey. But you know what’s even more scary? Not taking this leap of faith and living a life of what if, and wondering. Frankly, I believe the greatest tragedy of one’s life, is to not live life to its fullest capability because of fear. That is not living. That is always playing it safe and never growing or learning because one was too afraid to leave their comfort zone.

I really cannot think of anything more tragic than wishing, wanting, hoping, and never DOING. Life is meant to be lived by taking risks. This risk needs to be taken.

My friends will always be there.

Work will always be there.

Fitness will always be there.

But this chance to jump head first into the abyss of the unfamiliar, most certainly won’t.

Fifteen years ago I ran away to LA to flee a life I did not have. Now, while this move looks as if I am walking away from so much, I do not see this as walking away from anything, so much as running towards something.