Lifestyle

Right Now, It’s Like This

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, anger, Challenges, Commitment, Fitness, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle / Emotions, Honoring your emotions, Injury, Sadness, Struggle / 15 comments

January 20, 2017

I’m trying really hard to make sense of things. I’m stuck feeling really bad for myself and angry, so so so very angry. As I sat in my orthopedic surgeon’s office yet again yesterday, I listened numbly to the reality that is my body.

I watched and listened as he pointed to and discussed the irreparable damage in my right knee in utter disbelief. Not that it was that I didn’t comprehend him, I simply couldn’t. All I could think was “Why me?”

“Why is this happening to me?”

“I’m a good person.”

“After everything I have done?! All of the good work I have put into my teaching kids, in helping others, to build up my community and still I haven’t accumulated any Karma points?!?!”

The road down self-pity is a steep and rapid decline. It’s amazing at how fast you can gain speed and then spiral out of control.

As the doctor continued to speak “Don’t do this…”

My husband interrupted with questions, “Can she swim? Cycle…”

And this goes on for a few minutes.

The doctor reiterates that squatting with weight could be the worst possible thing for me…

He proposes ‘body weight exercises’ and I roll my eyes then laugh.

Finally, he hands me a pamphlet about platelet therapy that I could look into should the pain continue. I reached my hand out limply taking it, feigning interest while I flipped through it.

We shake hands and the doctor bounds off.

Left with a heaviness I cannot even describe, I fought back tears and pushed Greg away when he tried to hug me.

“Why me?”

WHY THE FUCK ME?!

I held it together until I got into my car and sobbed as I drove to the yoga studio crying to my best friend wondering again, why me?

Wondering why the universe had to take away the one and only thing it had bestowed upon me. See the thing is, I wasn’t gifted beauty, height, genetics to have wash board abs. Hell, I wasn’t even given a good smile! I have some messed up jaw issue that prevents me from closing my mouth entirely so my mouth is literally always open. My teeth only touch in the very back on my wisdom teeth [yes, I still have those] and when I chew I have to chew allllllll the way in the back of my mouth. And I can’t bite into food BECAUSE MY TEETH DON’T TOUCH. Not to mention I also have a lisp as a result of this freak formation of my face. I form words strangely with my mouth, and I am acutely aware of this when I speak and fixate, “Ohmygodohmygod, they are looking at my mouth, I’m a freak.”

I wasn’t given any academic gifts or aptitudes either; I am just a friggen normal person with a normal brain. Nothing is stand out about me—nothing. Nothing, but my love of movement and my incredible ability to commit to goals and myself. My only stand out quality was and I suppose shall continue to be, is my resolve. You see, I will never grace a fitness magazine, be featured on any of social media outlets for all those companies that I represent because I do not have what they are looking for—I have something you can’t put into a photo, or dress up, or put make up on and say “do this.” I have short meaty thighs that squat over 200lbs. (well, when they could), and probably bigger traps than your man (which I am totally ok with), and yet the world thinks I am ugly, short, fat, or whatever word you want to use to describe someone that ‘the industry’ doesn’t favor as an ideal body. Whatever. There’s nothing I can do about certain things. I am 5’0 and I stopped growing in the 7^th grade. Tough shit world, this is me in all of my short stack glory.

But for all that I do not possess, I have desire, wherewithal, and an unwavering sense of determination. When I want to pursue something; nothing stands in my way. So, to lose my gift of movement, to prematurely steal it away from me seems awfully unfair and I am feeling sorry for myself.

I am stewing in my anger and punishing myself by eating junk and telling myself I deserve this because I feel so defeated, so why not not gain a billion pounds and keep riding this road to Pityville? Why not just keep letting myself tumble into this abyss and focus on how this and that has been taken from me and how I cannot go on. Why the heck not?

I really wish I could offer something different than the truth, I do. And I refuse to offer some contrived uplifting nugget because that’s what you want to hear so you can feel better. You and I would both know it would be disingenuous anyway, so I find there is great power in standing in this very moment and being as real as possible. Isn’t that all one can ever really do—honor oneself?

Well, this is me right now. I am not soft, fluffy, and sunny. I am a real goddamn person who goes through things and sometimes those things are hard.

Right now I am in the midst of a dark storm. I am scared about competing at my power lifting meet on Sunday and devastated I won’t be able to be my best. I hate being anything less than who I know I am. Right now, I am angry and that’s something I need to acknowledge and not guilt myself away from feeling. So right now I feel angry. I am committing to honoring my emotions and giving myself today to truly feel my feelings. Then tomorrow, I pick myself up and begin again because that’s what I do. I do not succumb, will not, and cannot.

And so, I rise.

On This Day

Arielle Miller / 2016, Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, Adversity, At Home Workouts, Body Building, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Commitment, Community, Fitness, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Remembering, Strength Training, Teaching, Yoga / Body Building, Facebook, Girls who Lift, Girls with Muscle, Goal Setting. Goal Crusher, Goals, Gym life, Looking Back, New friends, New Year, On This Day, Power Lifting, Reflecting, Yoga / 0 comments

December 26, 2016

Facebook reminded me where I was one year ago today. No surprise I was in the gym but this was before, well before I dreamed of body building or power lifting. As a matter of fact, I was completely unfocused in my personal fitness journey at the point I posted this photo and looking at it now makes me both sad, yet also incredibly proud.

Part of the caption reads:

Recently, I’ve found myself gravitating back towards weight lifting. Man, there is NOTHING like the pump you get from lifting. No amount of cardio or cycling can duplicate the feeling one gets when pushing, pulling, and pressing weights. I’m eager to redefine my love with lifting heavy things. Who knows? Maybe in the New Year I’ll find myself back at #Crossfit?

One year ago today 2015

Almost prophetic, it was like I was laying the ground work for the coming months when I would indeed fully gravitate back to weight lifting taking me down the path of body building, competing (September 5,2016), then power lifting, and soon my first meet (January 22, 2017). Looking at this photo I see hints of the woman I’d later grow into but unbeknownst to me; it’d take almost 3-4 months after I posted this photo to fully commit to myself and my own unfiltered excellence.

At the point this photo was taken I was exactly 1-year post-op from my 4^th knee surgery. In so many respects I allowed myself to be defined by what I thought I could and couldn’t do. I’m not quite sure how and why that happened really. I guess at the point when this photo was taken, I can attribute my lack of success fitness-wise to making excuses for myself. I hid behind the fact that I was a school teacher, serving children all day; then teaching fitness in the evenings—after serving others, motivating, and empowering others, I couldn’t possibly have anything left in me to then pump myself up to lift in the gym.

That’s where the sadness comes from—that’s where I look at this photo and see a woman who could be so great, if only she saw herself the same way others saw her. It breaks my heart to know it took years to arrive at the point in which I am today.

It would be nearly a year where I’d make new friends and reside in a completely new community that I would find the self-confidence to revel in my power and strength. Weight lifting allowed me to restore myself confidence, even when I failed, was tired, or didn’t feel like lifting. Weight lifting has given me purpose and a true sense of self-worth. And honestly, I hate to say this [especially as a yogi and yoga instructor] but yoga never ever made me feel this way. As a matter of fact, the yoga community is the exact opposite of the weight lifting world. Ironically, the yoga world is consumed by ego, aesthetics, and contortionism. Most times, it’s even exclusive and the warm and welcoming community it presents or shall I say, sells to the world, is just that—a sales pitch. And not to knock it, since I too live in, teach, and practice in the yoga world; the weight lifting community is one of authentic friends who could care less about what you’re wearing, what you can do with your body, and what your body looks like. It’s damn refreshing to hang out with women who walk up to you, ask your name, then hug you, smile, and help you lift. Better yet, it’s friggen awesome to go out with a group of girls who don’t talk about how fat they are, what they should and shouldn’t eat, and genuinely like their bodies. Hell, these women LOVE their bodies—HALLELUJAH!

So I look at this woman one year ago and I while I feel a tinge of sadness for her, I also smile knowing that the year she had ahead was one of the best years of her life. The hours spent in the gym with my husband coaching me, meeting new people, building myself up, and sculpting my body, have been some of the best experiences in my life. I am so proud of the work that girl put in and the me of today has committed to putting in massive work as 2017 rounds the corner. The journey will only get harder as my power lifting meet looms on the horizon; and now with the help of a new body building coach, the work I am about to take on will be grueling. But I am ready now, so so so ready.

A year ago I tried to avoid committing to myself because I was scared and filled with self-doubt. Today, I bound into the gym rain or shine, on holidays, sometimes twice a day, and when it calls for it—7 days a week. There truly isn’t anything that I cannot do, and same applies to you too.

Same outfit, different hair, new attitude. The me of 2016.

A lot can and will change in a year if you allow yourself the space to grow. Give yourself permission to thrive and dare to make impactful changes in your life because you are so worth it. I know looking back has allowed me to look ahead to the future with hope—even more hope than I could ever imagine because I know my potential is boundless.

The Luckiest in Love: How True Love is Helping Me Live My Dreams

Arielle Miller / Abundance, balance, Body Building, Commitment, Community, Fitness, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Strength Training / athlete, Body Building, Coach, Competition, Dreams, Goal Crushing, Goal Setting, IFBB Pro, Married Life, Olympia, Sports / 4 comments

December 23, 2016

I have had such a memorable year that I am going to need to reflect on it over the next week in installments; but before I do that, I am going to talk about love. I know, insert the eye roll here. But for those of you in thriving relationships, the faithful, the hopeful, the happy, the joyous, the cheerleaders—you believe in love and its power.

My 1 ½ year wedding anniversary just passed and while in the whole scheme of life it’s an inconsequential amount of time there’s something I want to point out. If you think about it, our lives are relatively mundane. The day-to-day stuff is mostly the kind of things that comprise an idle Tuesday afternoon. Peppered with some catastrophes and other life cycle events here and there that punctuate our lives; life just seems to run its course. For me though, my late 20’s into my early 30’s were marked by a series of one bad choice followed by another until my husband Greg wandered into my life. Now, I don’t want to bore you with the specifics of our love. For everyone thinks their love is the kind of love that will change the world. And that’s the beauty of it all—we all have something beautiful to share with someone and live this life with someone by our sides. There’s room for all of us and our love stories. However, the reason why I am so compelled to write this piece at this time is my husband did something so special for me that every time I think about it, it makes me cry and weep in sheer joy. I just had to share this story with the world.

First, I am not an easy person to like, let alone love. Anyone who knows anything about me will attest that I am an overpowering personality with a piercing intensity. My husband though is the complete opposite. He’s easy to love with his welcoming smile and kind eyes that you can’t help but love him instantly. I am blessed beyond measure to have someone in my life who is my balance but above all, someone who helps me achieve my dreams.

In 2016, I committed to becoming a body builder. It was an arduous journey but none of it would have been and could have been possible without the support, love, sweat, and hugs from my husband. My husband is my coach, best friend, personal chef, and sometimes my punching bag. He bore the brunt of my mood swings from my carb depletion and never once did he tear me down or lose his faith in me or us. And so my first show came and went. I was not stage ready by any means, but when I looked out into the audience and saw my husband beaming with pride, none of that mattered—we did this together.

After my show which was an awesome experience and I placed; I decided to dabble in other forms of fitness, more specifically power lifting in an effort find a home in the competitive fitness arena. Greg thought I’d enjoy power lifting more since it’s less subjective than body building. And since it’s a performance based sport, he encouraged me to pursue training for a power lifting meet. So, I started lifting and lifting real heavy. And as I lifted heavier and heavier, I did feel stronger but my body started changing in ways I did not like. I felt myself fantasizing about being back up on that stage, in a glittery suit, showing the world my hard work. I just couldn’t get body building out of my mind.

Time and time again I expressed my desire to compete again to Greg and he listened while attempting to gently nudge me into power lifting. My resolve though was impenetrable. I wanted to body build. I didn’t and couldn’t hear Greg when he talked about his concerns regarding the water cutting, carb depleting, and unhealthy body image he believes it perpetuates. All I saw was that stage, those lights, and me succeeding. It’s funny these things called dreams. They are crazy and intangible, but so real for the dreamers they feel it in every fiber of their being. For me, this insane dream to be a formidable competitor on the stage is something so visceral it’s unquantifiable.

As timed ebbed on, I committed to my first power lifting meet in January. But I didn’t register in time and I didn’t get into the meet, so I took it as a sign. Maybe I really am supposed to be a body builder…? All the same, I just continued to train and not really invest too much thought in either sport until last Thursday night. I had just finished teaching my yoga classes and turned my phone back on. I refreshed my email to see “Welcome to Roxstar Fitness”. My heart stopped. Wait. What? Why am I getting and email from Roxie Beckles?

Wait, wha—

No.

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

GREG GOT ME A BODY BUILDING COACH! A REAL COACH! OHMYGODOHMYGOD!

I was completely frozen where I stood as the tears streamed down my face. I cried and cried and kept rubbing my eyes—was this really happening?! Was I now going to be trained by an IFBB Pro and former Physique Olympian?! It still doesn’t even seem real.

So I am sure at this point you are wondering, what does all this have to do with love? Well, a real and true love supports you and helps you achieve your dreams. An honest love never tries to change you or discourage you from things that are your passions and bring you true happiness. My husband Greg, God bless his soul, is fully aware that nothing about my upcoming journey back to that stage will be easy on us physically, emotionally, and financially. But what my incredible husband also understands since he too was a college athlete is the ultimate price to compete in a sport you love. There is nothing I can give Greg to express my thanks, love, and appreciation like the gifts he has already given me. But I think Elton John said it best in Your Song:

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple but

Now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

I hope you don’t mind

I hope you don’t mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

Live a life less ordinary. Turn the volume way up on your Tuesday afternoon life and live and love boldly.

Thank you Greg for coaching me, laughing with me; and above all for loving me, every single part of me for the good, the bad, and sometimes the very ugly parts. I cannot wait to start my journey to stage again and know that every step of the way it was you pushing me to be great.

This is Me

Arielle Miller / Body Building, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Community, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Strength Training / art, art exhibit, Body Building, confidence, empowerment, feminism, Fitness, girl power, girlgaze, Jen Rosenstein Photography, Lessons, Photography, the Annenberg Space for Photography / 1 comment

October 23, 2016

I’ve worked in fitness for years. And for many of those years, I coveted the success of others with thousands and thousands of Instagram followers and envious of those given the opportunity to shoot for fitness brands I emulate. Often, I angrily scrolled through my feed not double tapping in protest of my own jealousy wishing and wanting so desperately to be someone—anyone else other than myself with a body that could wear clothes in a way that companies would want me to shoot for them. It was a horrible cycle and I was so entrenched in it.

As the years of envy and self-loathing plagued me, I continued to wonder in vain, why not me?

Why couldn’t I be picked for this or that, or why couldn’t I be her? Why, why, why?!?

It wasn’t until I finally realized that I didn’t really actually want to be a model per say. Sure, it’s super cool and great to be heralded for your body and beauty, but when I think about the legacy I want to leave behind in this world; it certainly isn’t with respects to what I looked like, wore, or even my purple hair.

I want to inspire people through my words, my wit, my power, my physical, emotional, and mental strength. I want to help empower people to take back their lives. Free themselves and really live. But most of all, the ripples I want to leave echoing for eternity are ones that celebrate who we are in our infinite power—whether that be physical, professional, or personal. So I didn’t want to be a model; I simply wanted a platform to be heard. I wanted the world to see me, to hear me, and let me change their perspectives by the life I lead.

So in an effort to try to clean up my life, I stopped doing things that were motivated by external validation. I stopped wanting ‘it’ [I mean what is ‘it’ even anyway?] so bad and turned my back on the Instagram yogi. I decluttered my Instagram feed of people that didn’t inspire me and frankly, made me feel bad about myself. And then something remarkable happened—I felt better! I really did. I opened a door to my soul and asked myself what I really wanted to do and wondered how I was going to do it. And then, just like that, on some idle morning I woke up, rolled over and stated to my still sleeping husband, “I’m going to be a body builder.”

I spent 11 weeks preparing for my first show with countless hours in a gym, food shopping, meal prepping, and talking about what I was going to eat, when I was going to eat, and my workouts. Every step of the way, I posted my progress for the world to see. And by progress, I mean the gritty sweaty selfies on the stair machine after leg day and the realities of breaking down into tears when I dropped my food all over the floor. I shared it all and held nothing back. What I received in return from the world of social media was applause for my honesty and what I had been looking for all along; that platform to inspire others to try new things, love their bodies, and live life on their own accord.

So in the midst of this process, when dear friend and famed photographer Jen Rosenstein offered to shoot me before my show to document my journey—I jumped at the opportunity. But what happened next, we could only imagine in our wildest dreams.

Arielle: The Body Builder Photographed by Jen Rosentein

A few weeks after our photo shoot, Jen was approached by the girlgazeproject to have one of the images we shot curated in their exhibit: #girlgaze, a frame of mind at The Annenberg Space for Photography. We couldn’t believe it. THIS WAS IT. THIS WAS THE PLATFORM WE WERE BOTH SEEKING. This was our chance to show the world that women need to be proud of their bodies, accomplishments, and mustn’t allow their voices to be silenced by others and self-doubt. Holy shit, we did it—people will now hear and see me, see us, and be inspired on a visceral level. This. Was. It.

On the eve of October 21^st, 2016, I walked into a museum to see a portrait of myself [in my underwear and bra] hanging on a wall.

I cry as I type this and I have to keep stopping to wipe my eyes.

To see myself immortalized in such a way—the way I always wanted to make waves in this world was so surreal, or shall I say real? I spent the evening with Jen, her friends, meeting others girls in the exhibit, and of course with my husband—for without him, none of what I do could ever be possible. I felt loved, celebrated, honored, and humbled all at the same time knowing that in this moment in time I am truly part of a movement and change in taking back the word girl.

To quote one of the placards at the exhibit:

“We are pushing back against the cultural projections and traditional gender roles imposed upon girls from the outside world, media and culture. Instead, we aim to represent the intelligence, creativity, complexity, and diversity of girls’ experience—across nationality, ethnicity, race, religion, sexual orientation and economic background—by taking back the camera into our own hands. It is up to us—those who identify with being a girl—to show our perspectives, tell our stories, and determine our own identity, sexuality and beauty.”

Arielle: The Body Builder is a piece of raw emotion. It is me, you, your best friend, and the girl at the gym who just joined and is terrified of not knowing how to use the equipment. It is every single girl who dared to take a chance on a dream without worrying about the outcome. It is a timeless story of a girl who said, “Screw what you think, what you want me to be and do. I am me and that’s all I know how to be.”

It is my hope that through this photo you can take something away from it. For me, I look at it and I don’t see the girl who spent years as the ‘fat funny friend’, the slowest one on her college lacrosse them, the anorexic, or the girl who’d be prettier if she just smiled a little more. I see a survivor.

I see a girl who took back her identity, rediscovered her self-confidence, and is truly proud of the scars she wears on her heart and sleeve.

Thank you Jen for giving us a chance to bring others into our worlds, and for giving me a platform to be seen and heard.

Thank you Greg for your undying support of my ceaseless need to constantly push the envelope.

And thank you to my friends, family, as well as those I have yet to know and meet [via the interwebs] who always cheer me on and offer support.

I hope you will continue to be part of my journey. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook and make sure to check out #girlgaze, a frame of mind at The Annenberg Space for Photography. Admission is free and the exhibit runs through late February.

Remember, who run da world.

GIRLS.

The Portrait of a Body Builder, Part II: Finding Your People

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Accountability, Body Building, Build connections, Challenges, Commitment, Community, Confidence In Movement, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Strength Training / Body Building, Figure, Figure Competitor, Lifting, Los Angeles, Muscle Beach, New friends, SoCal, Strength, Support System / 0 comments

September 10, 2016

I’m the kind of person that when I set my mind to something there is no stopping me. I literally live my life in GO. There’s no down time, no rest, no breaks, and most certainly no sleeping in or slacking off. And while this intensity can be a great thing to get things started and fuel my efforts, it often has its downside. My impulsivity at times is my Achilles Heel.

For example, when I committed to competing in my first body building show I hired an inexperienced coach to save money. She was a referral from a friend and though I was her first client, I had the utmost faith that everyone has to start somewhere (hence my first show) and that this person could help me grow. Unfortunately, as time unfolded, I learned she was not equipped nor prepared to train me. I felt completely duped as I put my full and complete trust in this person because she was a competitor. In spite of these gut feelings, I went along with the diet and workouts she sent me because wanted to embrace the process fully. I blindly followed her lead because simply I am too trusting a person. It wasn’t long before my husband Greg and I started scratching our heads in response to her meal plans (which included fruit and while on prep, body builders DO NOT eat fruit) and workouts. We couldn’t wrap our heads around how or even why we were paying someone to send me meal plans and workouts late, who couldn’t answer many of my questions, and frankly wasn’t there for me. But alas, I stayed the course.

When I set out to do this, what I was looking for was more than a coach. I was looking for someone to guide and educate me. Someone to bring me into the world of body building and its culture. Someone who could empower me to calculate my own macros and truly understand hypertrophy. What I got instead was someone who spent an hour with me in the corner of a gym teaching me how to pose INCORRECTLY and dropped me with 4 only weeks to my show left claiming she didn’t think I understood and “have what it took to really be a body builder.” Ummmmm, really?! Clearly, this chick didn’t know who she was dealing with.

I wish I could say I felt defeated when my ex-coach dropped me so late in the training process but really I was relieved. It wasn’t working out but who does that kind of thing to a person? Like any other industry, body building is saturated with people who think they’re equipped and qualified to work with eager novice athletes. The truth is you need to do your research. Sometimes looking to save a buck here and there isn’t necessarily the best route. Moving forward, I have learned the value in taking the time to find the right person to help me achieve success and while it may come with a high price tag, it’s worth it.

Unable to dwell to on being coach-less en route to my first show, I posted a vague and inspiring photo on Instgram. What I received in return from people in my circle was not just empathy, but people stepping up to the plate to help me reach my dream of being on that stage. Sometimes, out of darkness grows something so beautiful that it sparkles brightly in the sun. Hell, ain’t nobody gonna dull my shine—that’s for sure.

Years and years ago, I was taking a UCLA Extension class to clear my California State Teaching Credential. My teacher was a petite, sharp, and incredibly likeable woman named Rebecca. Hands down to this date it still reigns as one of the best classes I have ever taken in my life. We remained in contact after the class ended where Rebecca continued to support me in my educational endeavors. She even pushed me to apply and present at a national teaching conference and attended events I hosted at my school. When I say Rebecca is a special woman, special is really an understatement; she is amazing. My newsfeed on Facebook from Rebecca was often filled with pictures of marathons and fun education anecdotes. Until one day it changed when she found body building.

Posing with Rebecca and of course, my trophy

Inspired by Rebecca’s entrance into body building at 50, it gave me the courage to commit to entering my first show. But what’s more, Rebecca proved to be so much more than an inspiration for me. She became my unofficial coach spending her time teaching me how to pose, answering all my questions about peak week, and coming to support me on show day which also meant gluing various parts of my body into my suit [lucky her]. I am so grateful for this woman and the ability to be reconnected with her after all these years and to bond in a different way. Sometimes, you don’t have to look very far to find your people—they were right in front of you the whole time.

Follow Rebecca on Instagram by clicking here.

The age of Instagram and social media has made it easy to befriend like-minded people. Lizzy is one of those people in my realm of fitness and all things yoga, lifting, and inspo. A crossfit coach, power lifter, yogi and major badass—she’s the real deal. Her videos and photos are some of my favorite floating out there in cyberspace, so when I needed help with my workouts—she stepped up and wrote me a program. Not only were her workouts amazing; but they were more demanding than the ones I had initially been prescribed by my former coach. Maybe it was because Lizzy just got me, maybe we are just cut from the same cloth, or maybe Lizzy is just friggen amazing at what she does. Yeah, it’s that. Lizzy, like Rebecca served as a sounding board for me during this process but what’s more is she kindly shared her expertise to help me out because she could. In my eyes, sharing something with someone because you can, without needing nor wanting anything in return is what personifies true kindness and community. Sometimes, you have already found your people if you just look a little closer and forge a connection with the people in those photos we double tap…I imagine there are other Lizzy’s out there willing to help you soar.

Lizzy proves that there is great beauty in physical and emotional strength

Follow Lizzy on Instagram by clicking here.

Show day was something I eagerly looked forward to. I was worried though that I would be spending my day alone since I didn’t know anyone. Were body builders friendly? Were they the kind of people who scoffed at you because you were their competition? Would I be able to make friends? I had no clue and was anxious that I would struggle to connect with others. Oh, how wrong I was. Early into the day I met Julie. I had eyed her from the get-go; a small, gorgeous, girl with curly hair, and the best arms I’ve ever seen. From the instant I saw her, I knew immediately she was competing in the same class and category and I also knew—she was going to win. We were in hair and make up together chatting, giggling, and having a blast when we learned we had much in common like we both worked in fitness. And so, our friendship was born.

Much flexing after my 4th place finish and Julie’s KILLER 1st place showing!

Julie and I spent the entire day together. The more time I spent with her, the more and more I liked her. She is funny, kind, humble, and hard-working. We walked around Muscle Beach and spent the day taking photos with strangers who kept asking us if we were related [which is ridiculous since we look nothing alike, but I’ll take it]. We pumped together before the stage, shared photos, food, and cell phone chargers. And the best part of it all? Sharing the stage with my new-found friend! But it got even better. We were also next to each other on stage; so when Julie took first place in our division, I lit up with excitement and was able to hug her! While we had only been friends for hours at this point, the insta-macy of being together all day for our show made it feel like we were age-old friends. I am beyond excited to have met this radiant soul and I am looking forward to our new friendship. Sometimes, finding your people means you need to do something completely and utterly out of your comfort zone!

Follow Julie on Instagram by clicking here.

Stay tuned for my third installment of The Portrait of a Body Builder, Part III: The Power We Possess. Remember if you don’t already subscribe to my blog to do so by clicking here so you don’t miss a post!

The Portrait of a Body Builder, Part I: Learning How to Love Myself [Again]

Arielle Miller / 200-hr RYT, Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Ashtanga Yoga, balance, Body Building, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Strength Training, Teaching, Yoga / Body Building, Figure Competitor, Fitness, Growth, Learning, Lessons, Muscle Beach, Portrait, Strength, Strength Training, Weight Lifting, Yoga / 7 comments

September 7, 2016

It wasn’t until very recently that I realized much of what I do and how I spend my time in my adult life is a reflection of my desire to ‘prove something’. I am not really sure what exactly it is that I feel like I need to prove or why I feel that way, but there’s this insatiable void deep within my heart that feels like I am never good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, or just enough. So when I set out a few months ago to reclaim my body, I thought body building would be a great way to leave my mark on this world exclaiming, I have arrived! While my hope in body building was to initially acquire a slamming body, what I learned through my dieting and training was more than I could have imagined. Some of the most transformative lessons of my adult life happened in the wee dawn hours before the sun slipped above the horizon to wake the world. Body building gave me a purpose that I desperately longed. Perhaps most importantly though, it gave me the self-confidence to find myself again and the permission to finally and truly love myself.

Throughout my fitness career, I have been blessed with abundant opportunities to teach for incredible companies and studios while maintaining my fulltime position as an LAUSD English teacher. And for years, while my schedule swelled with group fitness classes, I constantly defaulted to simply teaching my classes and then heading home after a long day. Depleted mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from my work as a teacher in so many capacities; I told myself that I couldn’t possibly build myself up to work out. I just didn’t have it in me. I was completely empty. What I also told myself was that there wasn’t enough time for my own workouts—I mean, after all, I work full time, teach multiple group fitness classes and formats a week; when was I going to workout? Certainly I wasn’t going to workout in the morning because, well [enter yet another excuse and insert eye roll here]; I’m not a morning person.

Sound familiar? Sound like you and every single other person we all know? Plagued by excuse after excuse, I dimmed my own light. Like so many others, I stood in my own way preventing my light from shining bright. In spite of this, I have concluded and now believe we intentionally thwart our own success. Yes, we actually willingly do this to ourselves. Honestly, I think it’s because we are just afraid of our power. I really do. I think we are afraid that if we unleash our true potential on the world that we’ll have something to uphold and live up to. So rather than aiming high and striving for excellence to constantly improve ourselves; we hold back and restrict, constrict, and suppress our greatness in favor of mediocrity because it’s just easier that way. More safe, more secure, more ordinary rather extraordinary. But for me, committing to a body building competition was my way of telling myself enough of this bullshit—you are better than that. It is your time.

Like most things I do in my life I don’t have any breaks. I just jump in fully and commit absolutely, full speed ahead. I took to my 6-day a week training regimen instantly and never skipped a day or workout. This sometimes meant after a day filled with traveling, hungry, and jet-lagged; I still made it to the gym. Other times it sometimes meant finally getting to the gym as late as 10, 11, or even midnight! I even attended my own birthday party and drank water. I sat through countless family gatherings with chicken cutlets, homemade pizza, and BBQ’s munching on chicken breast and broccoli. I totted a cooler around NYC, onto airplanes, and to friends houses. I made no excuses because this time I was going to do this right; I wasn’t going to give up or quit on myself.

Photo credit: Jen Rosenstein Photography

The more I trained, the less it became about the outcome. Sure, placing in my first show would be really great but I had to detach from that. The work I was doing wasn’t to achieve any sort of external validation, it was only for me. A means to use my body as a vessel to tell a story for the world. To inspire others to find their path and to walk it. To prove to myself that I was so damn worthy of greatness. And perhaps on a level to tell that little chubby girl inside me—the one who haunts me every time I look in the mirror that you are beautiful, smart, talented, and so much more than the number inside your jeans. This journey was about me taking control of my life [for real], taking ownership, and finally proving to no one other than myself that I am effing fantastic. This was my battle cry shouting to the world that I indeed have nothing to prove.

As my training progressed, my yoga practice waned as lifting and cardio started to fill my time. While I may not have been able to practice as much as I typically do or would have liked, my yoga never disappeared. For yoga is so much more than asana (poses). Yoga is something celestial that lives within your heart and the fibers of your being. It’s not really something that you can quantify as it’s an awareness of your body, mind, and spirit—it’s simply just a part of you. My ritualistic yoga practice of staking out my spot in a yoga room, unrolling my mat, and moving my body to my breath was replaced by meditatively portioning out my supplements, packing my gym bag, and pushing, pressing, and pulling weights to my inhales and exhales. So you see, I never abandoned my yoga practice, it transformed.

With my yoga practice nestled closely to my heart, I started to experience something I never could see nor find in a yoga room. Well, actually let me refine that. What I initially found when I discovered yoga was I felt beautiful while practicing. It didn’t matter how big or small I was (as my weight tends to fluctuate pretty drastically). I was boundless on a yoga mat and no one could strip that from me…Until I became a yoga teacher. The competitive nature of the yoga industry, the body shaming, the handstands, fancy arm balances, and the age of the Instagram Yogi made me nauseous. The things I loved and felt while practicing seemed to be replaced with the need to nail an inversion somewhere cool to post on the Interwebs with the hopes of gaining more followers. I found myself swept up not even in the hub-bub of it all but feeling inadequate and frankly, empty on the inside. But body building gave me back something I was seeking and lacking: self-love, acceptance, and it made me feel invincible. Nothing could touch me when I was lifting. No one could hurt me when I was lifting. And no one, and I mean no one made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of something when I was lifting. It was just me, a barbell, and some plates. No bullshit about it. No staging of my photo. No stressing on the perfect alignment. Just grit and determination.

Photo credit: Jen Rosenstein Photography

So if you’re wondering what I learned from training for my body building competition, I learned that I don’t have anything to prove to anyone or myself. And most importantly, I don’t need to proclaim to anyone that I’ve arrived because well, I have purple hair and you can’t miss me. No seriously though, what I’ve taken away from this all is regardless of my placement in the show; I had already won.

Stay tuned for my second installment of The Portrait of a Body Builder, Part II: Finding Your People. Remember if you don’t already subscribe to my blog to do so by clicking here so you don’t miss a post!

Stop Making Excuses and Get Moving NOW

Arielle Miller / Accountability, Adventure, At Home Workouts, balance, Challenges, Commitment, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Motivation Monday, Strength Training, Yoga / Believe In Yourself, Body Building, Buddha, Fitness, Making Time, No More Excuses, Results, Set Goals, workout / 0 comments

July 11, 2016

For just over the last month or so I have been working with a body building coach to prepare me for my first-ever competition in early September. My workouts are 6-days a week, my nutrition is 7-days a week, and there is no room for cheating, slip ups, or excuses. Period.

People constantly tell me how amazing they think it is that I am taking on such an endeavor. They praise me for being an inspiration which is most always followed by a statement like “I’m not in good enough shape” or “I could never do that” or “I don’t have the time.” Well, I am here to tell you that all of your excuses regarding why you cannot do something are bullshit. That’s right, I just totally shit-talked you. It is time to get a handle on your relationship with your physical-self. Stop making excuses for yourself to rationalize your own lack of want and/or desire.

Now, I’m not saying to go out and hit your first body building show—I am not saying that at all. What I am saying is that marathon you’ve been meaning to train for, that cardio yoga class you’ve been working up the courage to attend, that Crossfit box that everyone loves but you’re too scared to even walk through the door…I am saying the time is NOW. Sign up for something to train for, register for a class, drop in at a new studio. Stop making excuses why you cannot and should not, and tell yourself that you can and you will.

Here are some real-life applications from my personal experience to help motivate and in turn inspire you to make some new and lasting changes in your life.

Bullshit Excuse #1: “I’m not in good enough shape”

No one is born ‘in-shape’. Ok, scratch that. Some people are more inclined to be more naturally cardiovascularly fit or muscular than others; but no one is born shredded, able to run an ultra marathon, and prepared for a floor routine with the USA gymnastics team in Rio. Every single thing in this world worth having requires hard work, grit, and determination. And I mean everything, not just fitness related stuff.

It all starts with committing to yourself and under no circumstance giving up or quitting. To bring this to real life, as I mentioned earlier I started training for my first body building show. Not close to being in the best shape I have been in, not knowing a soul in the industry, and unaware of the work I would need to put in; I committed to something so huge to grow myself. In just one short month, you can see my progress.

After all, as Lao Tzu said “The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.” One foot in front of the other. We all start somewhere and it’s most certainly not where we want to be–so why keep putting it off? You’re worth it, so start striving for greatness.

Bullshit Excuse #2: “I could never do that”

Negative self-talk is about as effective as trying to solve an algebra problem by chewing gum. If you want something, and I mean anything you could ever possibly want to achieve, you’ve gotta get that mind right. Not believing in yourself is defeating and damning—do not allow it to be your downfall.

For me it’s simple, when I am in a workout I look in the mirror to see the sweat pouring down my face. I think to myself, “Hell yea, badass!” It starts there. Then I keep moving and when it gets hard I repeat to myself over and over and over and over again in my head “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I am strong. I am making progress. I can do this.” When you are hustling your butt off for something you want so deeply, you cannot allow the word ‘never’ to pollute your mind. You certainly can do whatever you want, you just need to make the choice to want it.

Bullshit Excuse #3: “I don’t have the time”

We all have the same 24 hours in each day. What you do with it is what separates you from everyone else. Whether you work full time, have children, or are simply overwhelmed by life and its responsibilities; congratulations. You are just like everyone else. We all have lives, people that love us, need us, and demand our attention. We all also have interests that we pursue, or waste countless hours on social media scrolling, refreshing our feed, then scrolling some more, to open Instagram and repeat the same god-awful process (GUILTYYYYYY). We all have lives. But how often are we using our time effectively? I know, as an adult having someone call you out on not using your time wisely totally sucks BUT, are you maximizing every single day to its utmost potential? Chances are you are not because you don’t want it bad enough. Here’s a story to help hit home for ya.

Buddha was wondering through the forest. He was carrying a very heavy sack when he happened to come across another traveler in the woods. Tired from carrying the sack the Buddha (unbeknownst to the traveler) asked if the traveler would help him. The traveler responded by telling Buddha that sadly he could not, as his own journey was very long and his own belongings were heavy. Finally, Buddha opened the sack to reveal its contents to be filled with gold. Interestingly enough, the traveler could now find the strength to help the Buddha.

I love this story for its simplicity reveals mankind’s truest nature of being self-serving. We are more inclined to help someone, get involved in something, or take action when the end result will somehow benefit us. Well, when it comes to yourself it all should benefit you. Make the time for yourself because you deserve it. Get up before the kids and go for a run in the brisk morning air, hit your yoga mat, or have breakfast alone relishing in the stillness of the day that is yet to come. Stay up late reading your favorite smutty romance novel for no other reason other than you like it and want to, go for an evening walk after dinner, or lift some weight in the garage. Stop telling yourself that you do not have the time to things, you do, you just need to make the time by making time with yourself a priority.

Yoga for Runners

Arielle Miller / balance, Fitness, Fitness for Men, Lifestyle, Sports, Yoga / At Home Fitness, at home workouts, athlete, Balance, Fitness, running, stretching, Yoga, yoga for runners / 2 comments

July 8, 2016

Running is a great way to get fit while blowing off some major steam. But as awesome as that runner’s high is, running can wreak havoc on our muscles and joints. So to counter that intense pounding of the pavement, kick off your shoes and restore some balance to your body. Incorporate cross-training into your running regimen to prevent injury and aid in recovery. Yoga is a wonderful way to get your body moving differently and keep it moving. Help preserve your body by integrating this short yoga sequence designed specifically for runners into your life 2-3x a week and thrive!

Tackle these poses after a short warm up such as a light jog or another basic yoga flow. Try to hold each pose for a cycle of 5-8 breaths and repeat the entire sequence 3x on each side. You will feel and experience some intensity in many of these poses, but keep breathing and ease up as needed.

Low Lunge

Benefits: Stretches hamstrings, quadriceps, and groin. Releases tension in the hips and strengthens the knees. Other cool facts: Cultivates balance and helps build mental focus and clarity.

The Deal: Start in a runner’s lunge with your hands framing the front foot. Make sure that the knee and ankle are stacked, and in line with the first 2 front toes—be careful to make sure that the knee slides forward past the ankle to protect the knee. Scissoring the thighs together, sweep the arms above the head while focusing on stacking the vertebrae.

Modifications: Rest the hands softly on the front knee, keep the hands on your waist, or join the hands in prayer at the heart.

Variations: Join the hands together above your head, and/or drop the hands behind the head, with the elbows aimed towards the sky cradling the head for more of a backbend.

Quad stretch

Benefits: Stretches the quadriceps of the back leg and opens the hip flexors. Other cool facts: Opens the shoulders and chest, releases the back muscles with a gentle twist.

The Deal: From your runner’s lunge, carefully lower the hands back down to the earth to frame your foot again. With your left foot remaining forward, slowly drop your right knee to the ground. With the right arm remaining planted, circle the left arm back and reach for your toes. When coming out of this pose be careful to slowly release the leg down towards the earth.

Modifications: If reaching for your toes is challenging, use a yoga strap hooked around your foot as you gently pull your foot towards your body. If you experience knee tenderness, place a blanket under your back leg.

Variations: To intensify this stretch, lower onto your forearm.

Revolved Lunge Pose

Benefits: Stretches the psoas and hips, stimulates strengthening and stretching of the quadriceps and gluteus muscles. Other cool facts: Stimulates abdominal organs, improves digestions and elimination, and improves balance.

The Deal: From your runner’s lunge, bring the hands to your heart in prayer. Twist at the navel and bring the right tricep across your body to the outside of your left thigh. Press the top hand into the bottom hand and peel the right rib cage towards the sky.

Modifications: If taking the twist is challenging, try manually moving the right arm across the body with assistance from the left hand to find some depth. Also, if you have a neck injury, keep the gaze down.

Variations: Straighten the back leg to work your balance in a different capacity and/or open your arms.

Pyramid Pose

Benefits: Stretches the hips and hamstrings while lengthening the spine. Other cool facts: Decreases pressure in the upper body and relaxes the shoulders and neck.

The Deal: From your runner’s low lunge, shorten your stance by walking the right leg in towards the left so that both heels can touch the ground. Turn the right toes away from the body slightly for stability. Bring the hands to your waist and lift yourself up to standing by straightening the left leg. Bring the hands to prayer at your heart and lower with with a flat back, placing your palms on the ground.

Modifications: If your palms do not reach the floor, you may come to your fingertips, or place your hands on blocks. You may also keep a flat back if lowering all the way down is too intense and/or keep your hands at your waist.

Variations: Bring the hands in prayer behind you for reverse Namaste or prayer.

Standing Pigeon

Benefits: Increases mobility and range of motion by relieving tension and discomfort in the hip area. Strengthens knee and ankle joints, as well as the thigh muscles. Other cool facts: Increases circulation.

The Deal: From your pyramid pose, bring the back foot to the front of your mat. With the hands at your heart, lift the right leg towards the sky by bending the knee and flexing the toes. Bend into the left knee and carefully lower the right ankle atop the left thigh. Keep a deep bend in the standing leg.

Modifications: Take this pose laying on your back and thread the left hand through the opening in the legs, then met the right hand by interlacing your fingers. Gently press the thigh into the clasped hands.

Variations: Play with the arms—lift them to the sky or bring them straight in front of you. You can also hold onto something stable to sit back into and intensify the hip stretch.

Put Your Back Into It With Workout Wednesday

Arielle Miller / Challenges, Fitness, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Strength Training, Workout Wednesday / Balance, Compound Exercises, Fitness, Strength, Workout Wednesday / 0 comments

June 29, 2016

A fun way to tackle balance and strength is by incorporating exercises into your workout that you normally don’t do or better yet, have ever done. For this week’s Workout Wednesday, we are going to combine balance as it meets strength in single leg deadlifts. What’s so awesome about this exercise is that the single leg deadlift tones your hamstrings but it also recruits your glutes and lower back as well. It’s a compound exercise which means that it targets the use of more than one joint and muscle group, ultimately maximizing your time in the gym. But we aren’t going to stop there! We are going to add a row to hit your upper body. More specifically your back; but in particular the lats, delts, and spinal erectors which are the muscles used and needed to strengthen and rotate the back.

Remember this will be challenging at first. You have a lot going on so be patient with yourself. If you feel like your form is being compromised then use less weight. If you have never done this exercise before, I recommend you take a run through with no weight to acquire some muscle memory and to familiarize yourself with the movements and transitions.

Click here or on the video below to view one round of this week’s exercises (note, the video does not have any sound).

Two exercises total, 10-12 reps of each exercise on each leg into the row for 10-12 reps with no rest between movements. Complete both movements, rest 30-45 seconds, then repeat.

Exercise 1: Single Leg Deadlift

Place your dumbbells in your hands, with your standing leg slightly bent, lift your free leg as you lower your chest so that it’s parallel to the ground. Remember to bend at the hip as opposed to diving the chest towards the ground. Keep the dumbbells close to the body as you return to the upright position and don’t let the free leg touch the ground. Repeat for 10-12 reps on each leg.

Exercise 2: Single Leg Deadlift Row

With the free leg and chest parallel to the ground, lift your dumbbells in towards your shoulders. With control extend the arms towards the ground, then repeat the rows for 10-12 reps.

Rest 30-45 seconds then REPEAT 3x—or try 4x if you’re feeling frisky!

New exercises always present new and exciting challenges. It’s ok to falter, topple over, or reduce the repetitions. Every time you revisit this exercise it won’t become easier per say, but I promise it will become more accessible.

And for those of you who are more advanced, try heavier weight and instead of 3 rounds—aim for 4 to push yourself. Fitness should always be fun and help you discover new things about this body you occupy; have fun and enjoy this journey you are on!

Enjoy and Happy #WorkoutWednesday!

I AM THE GIRL WITH PURPLE HAIR

Arielle Miller / Acceptance, Accountability, balance, Blog, Build connections, Challenges, Community, Fitness, Goal Setting, Hard Work, Lifestyle / Battle Cry, Hard work, Motivation Monday, Own Your Awesome, The Girl with Purple Hair / 6 comments

June 27, 2016

I have spent the last few days feeling sorry for myself–ruminating on a tension-filled interaction with a good friend and coveting the success of others. I guess there really isn’t any other way to put it, I have just been angry and bitter. As a matter of fact, I would go so far to say that I’ve even felt entitled to said success I have yet to achieve. Ugh, it just sounds so bad when you actually say it, but being honest is paramount to understanding how we feel and why.

I guess like so many people, my newsfeed on Facebook is filled with people’s lives—most of which are mundane and ordinary and don’t really appeal to my hopes, wants, and desires. But alas, there are many though that taunt me with travel, packed classes with waitlists, awards, viral articles, modeling contracts, handstands, and lots and lots of flat bellies. It’s so hard not to look at the success of my friends/acquaintances and compare myself, tell myself I am better, more experienced, not good enough or successful, because it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I think or feel about myself because those thoughts won’t change what has already been done. So, it’s really a waste to wallow when my energies can be redirected. Comparison is the thief of joy. It really is. So, I decided to reach out to a few trusted friends and share how was I was feeling—like really share how I was feeling, right down to the ugly part of being jealous of others.

First, being honest and owning how I really felt was the first step in starting to help me get over what I was experiencing. It was surprisingly liberating once I realized that these ugly thoughts and feelings came not from a place of malice but my own inadequacies. These realizations helped me redirect my efforts and refuel my desire more than ever—hell, I’m the friggen Girl with Purple Hair. Which reminds me—what does that even mean anyway?

The Girl with Purple Hair is me, you, and all of us. It’s making no apologizes for being who you are and boldly sharing yourself—all of yourself with others and the world.

The Girl with Purple Hair is vulnerable, sensitive, and compassionate.

The Girl with Purple Hair is active in causes by spreading awareness through education.

The Girl with Purple Hair feels deeply for impoverished youth, social justice, and equity for women.

The Girl with Purple Hair is not afraid to cry because emotions are what build bridges and community.

The Girl with Purple Hair makes no excuses, as there is no substitution for hard work in this world. So stop waiting, wishing, hoping, and work for it.

The Girl with Purple Hair forgives those who need to be forgiven and welcomes new and old friends [back into] her life and social circle.

The Girl with Purple Hair is unquantifiable, intangible, organic, and malleable.

The Girl with Purple Hair is me, you, and all of us.

The Girl with Purple Hair uplifts others but also needs those same people and community to in turn do the same.

The Girl with Purple Hair falters, missteps, and struggles [like everyone else].

The Girl with Purple Hair refuses to be defined by her circumstances and a victim of her life.

The Girl with Purple Hair handles shit like a boss and and won’t be bullied into silence for having an opinion, a voice, and setting boundaries.

The Girl with Purple Hair never settles and in the wake of her self-imposed pity, after leg day at the gym, put on a 20-pound weight vest and walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes a 9.0 incline—why?!

Because The Girl with Purple Hair refuses to just accept things as they are.

The Girl with Purple Hair is me, you, and all of us and this is my battle cry.

Whether my hair is purple, pink, blue or whatever shade I am feeling in the moment know this: The Girl with Purple Hair is a force and that same force lives within you. Awaken your dormant beast and unleash it on the world unapologetically. In a society that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act. Be a rebel and stand tall in your glory. Never let anyone cast shade on your light shining bright, and work with every fiber of your being to live your most authentic truth.

Own your awesome. Stand tall and vigilant and know that with great risk will always come great return. So, sometimes things don’t work out and you failed. That is part of the process. Part of growing is being stretched and pulled and knocked down to only redefine yourself on your rise back up to the top again. I am human, you are human, we are all human. That means sometimes we need the space and permission to honor how we feel for the good, bad, and in between parts, then handle business.

This is my battle cry.

I am The Fu**ing Girl with Purple Hair—are you ready for me?

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