Fitness

Part II: Preparing for your First Century Ride, Ensure Your Success

Arielle Miller / Accountability, At Home Workouts, Athlete, Bike Riding, Celebrate, Celebration, Century Ride, Challenges, Commitment, Cycling, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Female Athlete, Fitness, Fitness Life, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Nutrition, Road Cycling, Roadie, Sports, Strength Training, Training, Uncategorized, Updates, Women in Sports / Century Ride, covid fitness, COVID-19, creating routine, Cycling, Cyclist, Female cyclist, following a schedule, health and fitness, home workouts, live love ride, love your ride, making a schedule, road biking, Strength Training, we can do hard things, weight loss journey, women in sports / 0 comments

January 2, 2021

I’ve been an athlete my entire life and I am self-realized enough to know the limitations and things I am capable of achieving. As I have pointed out, showing up for something and respectfully being able to walk into it and away from it proud of what I did is paramount to me. So, as my time riding got more serious and focused, my friend Lizzy and I joked about doing a century. At first we laughed about it. Then we started talking more about it, and finally committed to actually doing one. And since we are in the midst of a global pandemic, we’d be doing this unsanctioned, not for any recognition, but because we want to do this to reward ourselves for our hard work.

Putting in WORK, a 60 miler for funzies on the Central Coast

Let me further break down this hard work to which I am referring:

First, since purchasing my road bike in late June 2020, I have rode it nearly every day since then. Yes, talk about one rapid love affair. I rode anywhere I could, as often as I could. And knowing absolutely nothing about the sport, I just rode. I rode to get time in the saddle, to learn how to shift, reacclimate to clipping in/out, riding in traffic, and how to handle my bike. I fell so hard and so fast for riding on the road that when I went to New York during August to visit my sister and niece for three weeks, I even brought my bike with me—true story.

Having never rode a bike in NYC before (despite growing up in NY), I blindly leapt into the unknown riding all over NYC because I love being on my bike and seeing and experiencing the world from “life behind bars”. In hindsight, this time in NYC was crucial to my growth as a cyclist. It catapulted me into handling my bike in tight spaces, riding fast, and changing flats without someone to help me. Upon arriving back in LA just three weeks later, I was a whole new woman. My confidence soared and my bike friends remarked at how fast I had gotten. And by fast, it is relative. Fast for a novice, but growth and progress are just that—metrics in the right direction.

In NYC on my last day of riding before returning to LA

Eventually my joy of riding evolved and I started planning weekly long rides with my friend Lizzy (who also doubles as my strength and nutrition coach). We thirsted for harder climbs and craved long days putting miles down on the road in the saddle. Saturday’s became our day. I made sure to get all of my school work and papers written for graduate school before their due dates so that I could ride. I know, I know—who have I become?! Getting a bike and wanting to adventure on it has been a wonderful motivator for me to stay on top of my school work while working on my doctorate. Truly, while I am very industrious and productive; like many people, I struggle with procrastination. Certainly, I have made great strides in adulthood while working as a teacher and teacher leader, but sometimes I get caught up in other things, thus not managing my time appropriately. Creating a routine for myself has been an integral part of my success as both a professional and athlete.

To further illustrate, as discussed by Northwestern Medicine, 2021:

Tips for a Healthier Lifestyle

People are creatures of habit, and routines offer a way to promote health and wellness through structure and organization. Having a routine can greatly improve your health.

Many people who don’t have any type of routine suffer from:

Stress. No routine often means having the constant worry of “when will I get it all done.”
Poor sleep. Without a daily routine at work and/or home, you may find yourself playing catch-up with yesterday’s to-do list. If you’re always behind on what should have been done the day before, you’re likely also staying awake worrying about what didn’t.
Poor eating. Unhealthy diets (like eating lots of fast food) become the norm if there isn’t time scheduled for grocery shopping. Quick, unhealthy substitutes become the next best food option.
Poor physical condition. Working out usually requires some advance planning.
Ineffective use of time. Often, no routine means you simply run out of time, leaving things undone and not making the most of your time.

Once I nailed down and freed up my Saturday’s, I examined and really dialed into my daily and weekly schedule. It looked something like this with occasional changes due to work commitments and/or poor air quality in LA:

Monday and Tuesday	– Usually Peloton, ride outdoors if time and weather permitting – Add walking if and when possible for at least 1 hour	Strength training
Wednesday	– Usually Peloton, ride outdoors if time and weather permitting – Add walking if and when possible for at least 1 hour	Cardio only
Thursday and Friday	– Usually Peloton, ride outdoors if time and weather permitting – Add walking if and when possible for at least 1 hour	Strength training
Saturday	Long bike ride adventure	Cardio only
Sunday	Recovery ride or walk	Cardio only

This schedule emerged in order to ensure I was getting in my training as outlined by my coach to keep me working towards my goals: fat loss and to maintain my strength. Many people battle getting in their workouts and it’s not because they don’t want to workout, but because they lack the ability to create a routine and then follow it. For me, the schedule is my lifeline, serving as a non-negotiable. Sure, occasionally a strength day gets pushed a day—but I never miss a workout. I never make excuses to skip the work I know needs to be done and the work I know I will be glad I committed to. Like anything else worth pursuing in our lives, it requires planning, dedication, sacrifice, and follow through. Our fitness, health, and wellness should be at the very top of our commitments and priorities because if we do not take care of ourselves inside and out—how can we be of the best service to those in our professional and personal lives? Just something to think about.

During the entire 15-week period which was the duration of my first semester as a doctoral student, not only did I maintain my schedule; but it allowed my weight loss journey to continue. At present, I am down nearly 35 pounds! The structure provided by my meal plan, fitness programming, and routine allowed me to actively work towards my aesthetic and athletic goals while thriving in the workplace and school. As time passed and I became more fit, my desire to push and test my limits grew greater.

My Saturday bike rides became longer and more challenging. Once terrified of elevation and the hard work it demanded of me, I now yearned for it. This transformation led me to feeling like I was finally ready after 6 months of riding my bike and training regularly for my first century ride. In fact, every time I thought about it, my heart fluttered with nerves and delight.

Was I really ready for this? Could I do this? What if I failed?

I was ready. I mean, it’s like anything else that is terrifying that we pursue—is one ever truly ready? There is only one way to tell and that’s by hurling oneself wildly outside of one’s comfort zone to see. Yes, I could do this, I was doing it, and I am going to complete it. And if for whatever reason I cannot and do not achieve what I set out to accomplish; then it’s an opportunity for reflection and growth.

Hell yes. I am doing the damn thing to do it—not to set any records, not to be the best, not for any recognition but to show myself how far I have come and reward my hard work with a hard effort as testament to my personal journey of self-improvement.

I had the time in the saddle. My body was physically ready—or so it felt like it was ready. And the date and location was set—Lizzy and I would drive to Palm Springs on Saturday, December 19, 2020 and spend the night. On Sunday, December 20, 2020, we’d wake up bright and early then tackle the 100-mile planned route with our Camelbak’s filled with water and food, and ride through the desert entirely unsupported…

How would we do? Did we have enough food? Enough water? What if something happens to one of our bikes…? And oh God, where will we use the restroom????

Don’t forget to subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss the conclusion of this series, Part III: Preparing for your First Century Ride, We Can Do Hard Things

Part I: Preparing for your First Century Ride, Respect the Process

Arielle Miller / Accountability, Adventure, Athlete, Awareness, Bike Riding, Celebration, Century Ride, Challenges, Cycling, Female Athlete, Fitness, Fitness Life, Goal Setting, Goals, Lifestyle, Road Cycling, Roadie, Sports, Sports Training, Training, Women in Sports / Bike riding, Century Ride, Cycling, Cyclist, female athletes, Female cyclist, Girls who ride bikes, Hard work, road cycling, we can do hard things / 0 comments

December 30, 2020

On December 20, 2020, I rode my very first century ride—100 miles.

One hundred miles. WOW. Honestly, even days after accomplishing this feat, I still haven’t been able to wrap my head around the fact that I did something like that—ME.

I pedaled, on a bike for 7 hours and 20 minutes through the desert with my good friend Lizzy Picardi, unsupported with just the water and food we could carry and WE DID IT.

Lizzy and I gearing up to head out for our Century Ride!

We did it without the help of anyone else and that’s not to say it wouldn’t have been nice or that we were unprepared by any means. Being able to do something like an unsupported century ride in the desert where the first 50 miles were literally in the middle of nowhere takes a great deal of planning, conditioning, confidence, and what I would like to say is a respect for the process.

And that is exactly what I want to focus on here—a respect and reverence of the process when embarking upon an endeavor like this. First, riding 100 miles IS A BIG DEAL. When I started riding my road bike in late June, early July of 2020, the thought of being able to ride that far for that long was so abstract I couldn’t comprehend it. Like I saw people doing these rides, or heard from friends about ‘the century they did once and how horrible it was’ and I nodded, then responded with, “Wow, that’s so cool” but not only did I not truly understand it, what baffled me the most was how people seemed to brag about how unprepared physically they were to ride 100 miles. Almost like a badge of honor, I continue to hear and learn about how many people have rode 100 miles without riding more than 20 miles. And sure, I applaud your can-do attitude, but it’s like the student in my class who does zero work the entire semester then during the last two weeks of class, asks how they can raise their grade and if they can make up all the work.

The day I bought my bike, “Best Girl” on June 27, 2020

Ummmm, NO, you cannot condense my four-month course to two weeks; and the fact that you think you can is insulting, devaluing the work of others, minimizes the planning I’ve invested in your education, and is a blatant lack of respect for the time, effort, and perseverance that comes with navigating through content and projects for an extended period of time.

The same is with endurance sports like running and cycling. The training IS the process. The training IS the journey, not the race day. Anyone can show up and run 26.2 miles and ride 100 miles. But what kind of showing are you putting up? How do you feel during the race? How do you feel after the race? The purpose of sport is not to wreck yourself and proudly brag about that time you didn’t train for a marathon but ran one anyway. If the aim is to gloat about how tough you are for doing these things, I implore you to look a little closer and dig a little deeper with the lens of looking to respect the process.

The Angeles Crest, with 4k+ of elevation on December 26, 2020

Respecting the process means putting in the work, the daily work; the real training which is the grind of being athlete that sets you up for success. Anyone can show up for one day, but I dare you to train and show up 6 days a week, sometimes for two-a-days when life is hitting you hard, when you are tired, when you are simply not feeling it; but alas you do it anyway.

Respecting the process means you look at those 100 miles the way I did: Something I want to do, but I want to do it well. Because the way I see it, if I am going to do something in this world, I cannot and will not show up and embarrass myself. Period.

But, respecting the process is about tapping into your WHY. Why do you want to run a marathon? Why do you want to ride 100 miles? Knowing and understanding your why becomes your North Star, your guidance on those days when you don’t want to train and show up. I have found that a fierce conviction and anchoring in my ‘Why’ is what drives me to train to the best of my ability. So, what’s my ‘Why’?

I like working hard to show myself that I’m strong and capable. I like doing hard things I’ve earned through my hard work. And through my hard work, I hope that I inspire other people to do things that are unfamiliar.

That’s my ‘Why’, take some time to think about yours. Like reallllllly think about it beyond the surface of needing accolades and likes on an Instagram post. Because the truth of the matter is this: When you are hitting the pavement, there is no one there alongside you. It is just you, your body, your thoughts, your training and preparation, and that’s it. It is during those parts of your competition where your want becomes a must. Therefore, respecting the process is about respecting yourself enough to know that you are worth investing the time into your physical and mental self so that you can be your best self for that race or ride.

Stay tuned for Part II: Preparing for your First Century Ride, Ensure Your Success!

Ventura to Ojai, through Lake Casitas for 60 miles of beautiful roads!

2019, A Year in Review

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, anger, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Fitness, Motivation Monday, Remembering, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates, Yoga / 2020, Change is Hard, Honest reflections, Leaving Los Angeles, Motivation Monday, New Year, New Years Resolution, Reflecting on 2019, Reflections, To Live and Die in LA, Year in Review, Yoga / 3 comments

January 6, 2020

If you told me at the start of 2019 what the year held in store for me, I would not have believed you. At this point, I think it’s safe to say that things have reached a point where I can only laugh, because if I do not laugh, then I will cry and that certainly won’t change what has happened in the last 12 months.

Over the course of 2019, I was forced to address tremendous obstacles including the death of friends and family, moving away from Los Angeles to move to Santa Ynez to begin teaching at Lompoc High School, and struggled to acclimate to life in a small town while being ‘The New Teacher’ in a rural agricultural community. Without a support network and stronghold in a fitness community, I grappled with accepting the choices that I made to commit to this move, and found myself overrun by regret.

I felt that by leaving Los Angeles, I ‘walked away’ from a life I built. As my plans and dreams unraveled before my eyes, this itch my husband and I just haaaaaaaad to scratch seemed to blister and fester into a gaping wound.

As I attempted to navigate all sorts of emotions surging through my mind, the most persistent one, was anger. I was angry at myself, angry at my husband, angry at the people who moved my husband and I here. And above all, I was enraged with The Universe for conspiring to get us here.

As my frustrations mounted with respects to the direction of my life, doubt crept into my soul and passions such as my yoga practice fell by the wayside. At one point, my yoga practice waned to nearly non-existent which had a devastating impact on my psyche, overall mental health, and spirituality. Then, next to go was my fitness. With no cohesive fitness community in the Santa Ynez Valley, I felt a massive void in my life. The gym, taking classes, teaching classes, chatting with members, meeting new people, socializing with fellow instructors, having access to such high-end, state of the art facilities, and just being immersed in that scene left me without the motivation to bring myself to push myself to the limits needed to challenge myself physically. Finally, I just stopped doing things that brought me joy all together. And not because I was too busy or discovered new interests, but none other than the simple fact that I was crippled by regretting a decision I had made [ahem, moving to the country] and my depression set in.

I started neglecting the things that I previously garnered happiness from like my social media, drawing, writing, and recording podcast episodes. Any semblance of self-care disappeared [aside from keeping up with my roots that is] until I stepped up to coach the Girls Wrestling team at Lompoc High School…it was not until this point that I presumed all was lost, I can now see what I gained. I gained experiences that shaped me, that showed me what I need and want in this world. Spending my afternoons and weekends coaching the most badass group of gals I’ve ever met has transformed me. There are no words to convey how darn special my wrestling girls are to me. Coaching my small team of misfits gave me renewed purpose and if I am being candid was one of the major factors WHY I considered not going back to LA. Yes, I love my girls that much. Furthermore, I discovered kindness in new friends and colleagues. My department welcomed me warmly, with my department chairperson always offering earnest assistance and guidance. And my favorite, being in Lompoc gave me the the joy of educating children that hugged me when they walked into my classroom, and told me they missed me when I was out.

So, as I pack up my life [yet again] gear up to resume my ‘normal’—whisking off to a gym after work to teach fitness classes; I unroll my yoga mat with humility knowing that no matter how far I have ever moved away from my practice, it always lives within me.

As of late, I’ve made my way back to the mat. And the greatest lesson 2019 has taught me is that in spite of how lost I’ve felt and wondered who I was, that all along I was me—always standing in my power, owning my awesome, and facing life and what it hurled at me head on.

2019, it has been a WILD ride.

2020, I AM SO READY FOR YOU.

To Live, Luv, + Leave El Lay

Arielle Miller / Adventure, Alive, balance, Blog, Build connections, Central Coast, Central Coast California, Challenges, Community, Fitness, LAUSD, Lifestyle, Santa Ynez Valley, School, Teacher Life, Teaching, Updates / Begin Again, Being Courageous, Equinox, Leaving Los Angeles, Lompoc, Lompoc Unified School District, Los Angeles, Los Olivios, New Job, New Life, Overcoming Obstacles, Podcast, Proud Teacher, Santa Ynez, Santa Ynez Valley, Starting a New Life, Starting Over, Teacher, Teacher Life / 7 comments

May 8, 2019

The last 15 years of my life have been the absolute best, most challenging, formative years of my life.

Immediately after my undergraduate studies, I ran off to Los Angeles after my college boyfriend broke my heart. I left behind family and virtually no friends, as I did not cultivate relationships with people from high school. While in college, I struggled with my own demons, making it hard for others to want to be around me, so leaving the few lasting friendships did not faze me.

So, at 22 years old, I ran off to Los Angeles to escape myself, masking it as self-discovery and reinvention. I started my new life teaching 8^thgrade English at a low-income, high needs, and ‘rough’ school in the heart of urban LA. I did not know of gangs, LA traffic, lip fillers, butt implants, which hipster neighborhood to live in, the meaning of cholo, or how to get into the coolest clubs. Nonetheless, I leapt head first into a life where ignorance was bliss, thus allowing me to thrive. Precisely because I had zero sense of failure, it never crossed my mind that I could actually fail at something.

My love affair with Los Angeles blossomed virtually instantaneously, and I was smitten with this city. From the late night burrito and taco spots, to the laid back nature in which teachers dressed for work, to the upper echelon of bougie Beverly Hills, fancy restaurants, bars, and clubs, to the beach, to the gritty and tough environment of my teaching jobs—I loved this city and she loved me.

Los Angeles embraced my incessant desire to express myself through clothes, hair, and tattoos. Various administrators turned a blind eye to my self-generated, edgy, and contemporary English Language Arts curriculum, thus allowing me to find my place as an educator and flourish. Even my no nonsense and unapologetic approach to teaching my fitness classes was welcomed [in most cases, haha]. Los Angeles just seemed to get me and LA looked damn good on me.

Oh, to live and die in LA.

Los Angeles is my home. In fact, if you were to ask me where I were from, I would respond, “El Lay”. Yes, I was born and raised in New York, but Los Angeles is where I grew into the woman I am today. Los Angeles has shaped my belief systems, passions, politics, and so much more.

I am a proud Angeleno through and through.

Life in LA is not just good for me. It is great.

And so, it seems only fitting that after the best years of my life, having established myself in working for Equinox, one of the most prestigious fitness brands in the world and recently getting promoted at the school district, it is time for a new adventure…Right?!

Recently, while on Spring Break in Los Olivos with my husband Greg, we were presented with an opportunity to relocate to our Happy Place. A place that we dreamed of living ‘one day’ without ever really thinking that ‘one day’ would actually come [well before retirement that is].

After a beautiful love affair with Los Angeles, my husband and I will be moving to Santa Ynez Valley, California’s Central Coast to begin a new life and adventure in Los Olivos.

Before I get into the details, I do want to share something with you all.

When I first met my husband nearly six years ago, I told him I dreamed of moving to this ‘small town called Los Olivos’. Greg scoffed at the idea of me—ME, living in a small town. But after our first trip up to the area together in June 2014, Greg said to me, “Now, I get it.” It was then our little dream started to incubate. We toiled with moving. We chuckled while drinking wine in the tasting rooms and talked about how “One day…” while telling everyone we met during our trips to the Santa Ynez Valley that ‘we want to move up here’. I mean, come on. How many tourists say shit like that?! Ahem, like everyone, but how many actually do it?!

Then, in November of 2018, I made a vision board. Upon arriving home from another blissful trip to our “Happy Place”, I started gathering images evoking positive feelings associated with the life I wanted to live…The life I wanted—no, was going to manifest. These images were simple, capturing rolling hills, wine, horses, books, some athletic clothing, and a simple life. Quite the departure from the life I lived in LA. I looked at my vision board and if I am being honest, I didn’t think much other than it was pretty badass. Before landing on my closet door, my vision board remained propped up on our bar in the living room for a few weeks.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think, could I think, or would I think that in a matter of months, literally every single thing on that vision board would leap off the page to become my new reality. Talk about The Law of Attraction, that’s for sure!

Greg will soon, and by soon, I mean very soon, transition back into managing a restaurant as the General Manager for The Bear and Star at The Fess Parker Inn. In addition, I am eager to report that I too have gotten a new job at Lompoc Unified School District (LUSD). Talk about mind meld—from LAUSD to LUSD that sure is going to take some getting used to on my part. I am thrilled to share with you all that next year, I assume my new position at Lompoc High School teaching 9^thgrade English and English Language Development (ELD). Now, as someone who has just spent the past year in an out-of-classroom district role, the terminology used to reference this transition is, ‘I am going back to the classroom’. And I need to tell you, I never liked that phrasing and I like it even less now seeing it ascribed to my venture moving out of LAUSD. The term ‘going back to the classroom’ implies some sort of demotion, or assumption that the role of a classroom teacher is somehow lesser than working in an out-of-classroom capacity. Simply, that is not true. I am not going ‘back’ anywhere. I am returning to a place where I am needed most. A place where 150 bodies walk through my door every day and it is my job to empower, inspire, and educate them. A place where what I say and how I do my work can potentially alter the trajectory of someone’s life for the better. A place where hormones, out bursts, pimples, and boyfriend/girlfriend drama are commonplace. A place, a place…

A place where I feel whole, overwhelmed with purpose doing the best work in the world. A place where I know what I say may not resonate in the immediate, but will reverberate years down the line. A place where I learn everyday through the eyes of a child. A place where I am the best I can be.

That place is THE CLASSROOM.

So, when I say I am ‘going back to the classroom,’ I am going home. I am going to MY PLACE where I shine brightest by helping others tap into their greatest potential.

Now, that is not without saying that I am not scared to take this step, because I am. I am terrified to leave the only meaningful friendships I have ever known. To relinquish my fitness classes that I worked so hard for, earning my place on a schedule, and then building a following. To leave a well-respected district position with LA Unified where I thrived and looked at my career in education and said, “It’s all up from here!”

And trust me, I saw it all. In two years I would be an Assistant Principal…then a Principal, then…

Nevertheless, sometimes things change. Sometimes plans, ambitions, and dreams evolve and that is OK! For the last seven years, I have taught group fitness, six of those years for Equinox. The grind and hustle of working, maintaining, and remaining at the top of my craft in two career fields has taken everything I had deep within me. Also, it has taken my time from self-care, social engagements, and didn’t leave anything left for passion projects like this blog, my motivational speaking, my new podcast Leveling Up with Arielle Miller, and so much more. My entire 30’s have been dominated by work, work, work, and all I have to show for the ferocious commitment to my careers are some Instagram followers, extreme fatigue, low self-esteem from the fitness industry since I will never ‘look good enough’, and a wholllleee lotta leggings.

Seriously though, we celebrate this no-days off mentality, this constant “I’ll sleep when I am dead’ mentality but that’s just it—you’ll be dead, so you won’t be able to reap the joys of your constant laboring. There must be—no, there IS more to life than zipping through life at a million miles an hour. How can I, rather, how can one, enjoy this life if you are too busy to even experience it? For me, this move is about re-establishing balance and boundaries in my life. This move is about giving myself the permission I would have never been able to give myself living in Los Angeles. Permission to begin again, to step back, to give up classes, to work out more purposefully, and to simply DO ME.

Wow, do me. Now, that frightens me. How does one go from having seemingly ‘no time’, to now being able to have the accessibility to pursue matters of the heart and soul simply because one can as opposed to IFthey can…?

Sure, some may call me brave for willingly catapulting myself into the unknown, but remember this:

People are only brave because they are scared.

Moving is scary. Leaving a fitness community, gym, job, colleagues, routine, and so much more that is familiar, safe, and comfortable is a lot for me to grapple with and I would be lying if I told you that I was so strong that I handled this in stride. I have cried every day since Greg and I said “YES” to us and a new life. And I haven’t cried for any other reason than lamenting leaving whilst being SO excited to hit the reset button on my life. Also, in some respects I am mourning a figurative death as I leave my beloved El Lay and all that I have come to love in all its familiarity.

In deciding to leave LA, I feel like I am letting so many people down. I feel like I am turning my back on those who need me, even though we damn well know I am doing nothing of the sort. It just feels like I am choosing to throw away a life I have worked tirelessly to build, even though I know that is not true and it’s only my silly perception. However, in reflecting with my husband…Should we move? Should we not move?

Me and Greg at a Carhartt wine tasting in LA in March/April 2018

What if it doesn’t work out?

We kept asking ourselves,What if it DOES work out?

For the both of us, the resounding thought was, what if in 20 years from now we looked over at one another and wondered what could have been…What if we said aloud, “Remember when we could have taken a grand adventure, but we were too scared to…”

What ifwe don’t take this chance?

Shoulda

Coulda

Woulda

Truth be told, I am more terrified to take this giant step then words can convey. But you know what’s even more scary? Not taking this leap of faith and living a life of what if, and wondering. Frankly, I believe the greatest tragedy of one’s life, is to not live life to its fullest capability because of fear. That is not living. That is always playing it safe and never growing or learning because one was too afraid to leave their comfort zone.

I really cannot think of anything more tragic than wishing, wanting, hoping, and never DOING. Life is meant to be lived by taking risks. This risk needs to be taken.

My friends will always be there.

Work will always be there.

Fitness will always be there.

But this chance to jump head first into the abyss of the unfamiliar, most certainly won’t.

Fifteen years ago I ran away to LA to flee a life I did not have. Now, while this move looks as if I am walking away from so much, I do not see this as walking away from anything, so much as running towards something.

My Healing Journey, Part II

Arielle Miller / 30 day cleanse, Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, At Home Workouts, Body Building, Celebration, Challenges, cleanse, Commitment, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Holistic Nutrition, Lifestyle, mindfulness, Nutrition, Updates / candida, candida cleanse, Fitness, Hard work, healing, Healing Journey, Health, Health and Wellness, Holistic Health, Holistic Nutrition, infertility, innercising, looking for answers, Mindfulness, rest and relaxation, Seeking answers / 0 comments

November 21, 2018

Everything Mona said made sense. It was eerie how well this woman knew what was happening to me and explained the long process ahead to getting me healthy again. But alas, it could be done. For the first time in a year, I had answers, someone who wanted to and could help, and an action plan. A few days later, I started on my natural supplement plan and Phase I of my Healing Journey which was [is] a very strict Candida Cleanse among other things.

One week in, and my clothes started to fit better.

One week in, the puffiness and swelling in my body and face disappeared.

One week in, I lost 7 pounds and started to feel lighter again. Not just in the literal sense, but as in taking up space. It is an odd thing to say in describing yourself, but prior to these positive changes in my body I just felt so off—so, so, so very darn off.

Then, just about one week in, I decided to go completely plant-based (as it was, we had cut my meat consumption dramatically to only one meal per day, so this was an easy transition).

Two weeks in, and my energy levels increased sustainably and now I do not need to nap just to get through the day.

Two weeks in, and my mood has changed. My overall demeanor is upbeat, positive, and I am feeling less and less anxious each day.

Two weeks in, I have lost another 2 pounds; making my total weight loss 9 pounds so far and there is STILL so much more work to be done (and note at the time this post goes live, I have not weighed myself, but I have had to take all my work clothes to the tailor to be taken in the waist!).

At three weeks in which is today, it will have been 29 days that I have been living a renewed and better life than I have lived in the last year.

But it doesn’t stop there. This work is not just about diet and supplementation. It’s about putting in time to ‘Innercise’ too. Each night I write in a gratitude journal noting the day’s highs and lows. I wrote recently on Instagram how this process has shown me that while we think there is always so much bad in our lives, it simply isn’t true. Each day, my Highs FAR outweigh the lows. As a matter of fact, in reflection most days, I cannot even think of a low. I’ve realized through this process that we ruminate on the negative things in our lives because we choose not to see the good. That, and we simply lack the capacity to see the good because we do not know how to filter it out from the perceived ‘bad’ in our lives. This process is showing me how to consciously seek out the light in my life and celebrate daily victories.

But, you want to know where the biggest shift has happed?

Some days I don’t workout. Yes, that’s right. Some days, I just come home from work, meal prep, read, watch some TV, and don’t go to the gym. I’m learning everyday how to listen to my body and its needs. If I am run down emotionally, mentally, and physically—hitting heavy weights will only exasperate my problems and existing negative feelings. Forcing myself to workout is just that—forced and at times felt like a punishment. Fitness and movement should never feel like you are serving a prison sentence. That is why I have worked intentionally to reframe what I do and when. At present while on my ‘Healing Journey’, I have completely phased out all heavy weight lifting. No Crossfit, no powerlifting, no body building, and no weight lifting at all. I have re-integrated yoga, steady state cardio, and added boxing to my workout routine with the occasional HIIT class here and there. And you know what’s happening? CHANGES!

I am actually becoming more fit by doing less.

I will say that again—I am actually becoming more fit by doing less.

My cardiovascular platform improves with every session in the gym. I am boxing longer, feeling less gassed out during workouts, getting faster, AND leaner by working smarter as opposed to harder.

What’s the catch?

What’s the takeaway?

Well, I think it’s clear.

If you want to make great changes in your life, you have to be willing to change your current trajectory and path. It is impossible to expect any shifts in your life if you aren’t willing to bend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah and I thought and said all the things:

I am working out and doing so hard, I am getting rest, I am eating healthy, I am seeing all the right doctors and specialists—blah, blah, blah, blah.

But what real changes was I actually making?

That’s the question.

As I excitedly navigate my new normal, eating what I call ‘unbreakfast foods’ for breakfast like brussels sprouts, eggs, and cauliflower with chicken bone broth (I am aware this isn’t plant based, but due to the gut-healing effects of bone broth, I am keeping it in my diet); I have chosen to alter my life. I have started to take control of my reality by flipping the script on my diet, the types of workouts I am doing while healing, and assessing how I feel about doing them. If an upcoming workout is stressing me out or rendering negative emotions—I skip it and do something else, or nothing at all. I am living slower. Taking on less, saying ‘No’ more and putting my husband and myself first. I stop to meditate, write in a journal, and truly reflect on the blessings in my life. I would have never thought that in the midst of getting healthy again that I would feel so blessed and bountiful.

During this amazing shift in my life, it was time for me to see the fertility specialist. Remember in my last post I mentioned I had seen a gynecologist who referred me to a specialist to address my cycle? When I made the appointment waaaaayyyyy back in August, November seemed like a lifetime away then; but the time had arrived nonetheless. Greg accompanied me to the extensive 2-hour appointment and workup. After a thorough medical history regarding menstruation, it was decided more data was need to confirm what everyone has suspected for years; that I do not ovulate.

Translation for those of you who do not understand the implications of this: If I had wanted to get pregnant, I could not become pregnant. I appear to menstruate irregularly, but it’s break through bleeding. Ultimately, the lining of my uterus is thickening as a result of not ‘sluffing’ it out monthly which could potentially lead to cancer. Finally, not menstruating regularly is a clear marker of hormonal dysfunction—period, see what I did there?!

Some tests confirmed what the doctors already suspected; I am indeed not ovulating which means I am not producing progesterone. And while I was diagnosed 4 years ago with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I do not actually have it. This recent discovery was a suspicion my doctors and I raised in July because I didn’t have the symptoms of PCOS aside from irregular menses and difficulty losing weight. Ahem, this could be basically ANYTHING?! That said, when I did the research 4 years ago and I was given the initial diagnosis, it seemed right enough. So, I took the Metformin I was prescribed and accepted that this was how things were. I am so glad we took a closer look at this because in July 2018, my doctors told me to stop taking the Metformin. I mean, it wasn’t like it was actually helping control my weight. I was on the maximum dosage while gaining weight rapidly, so there was no point to take the drug unnecessarily.

This whole reproductive health discussion may appear off topic, but it’s not. This is all part of the bigger picture–the whole picture, the complete picture. How can I truly expect to be healthy if one crucial system of my body is shut down, dormant, and not fully functional? Whether I want to have children or not isn’t the issue here and that I want to make clear. Getting my body what it needs to start working again on its own is the goal.

Greg and I asked the doctors if my reproductive challenges played a role in my weight gain and other issues that I have experienced in recent years. They can’t emphatically conclude that it’s the sole culprit, but not ovulating does have its implications and certainly could have played a role. At present, I have been prescribed a 10-day cycle of progesterone to try to induce my period. If that doesn’t work, we go from there*. But again, it comes back to this—I am taking the right steps and actions to get healthy. I am taking a proactive role in my health and doing that AND getting answers feels so darn good.

I mean it when I say that I feel like I have been given a brand new life. I know now that this all had to happen for a reason…

So I could share my tale and inspire others to regain their health. Don’t be afraid to keep asking questions and demanding answers. Don’t stop seeking the answers, even in what may appear like the most unlikely of sources. And most importantly, don’t ever give up. You only get once change to live this life in the one body you were given, so give it your all—you deserve to feel better in your body!

*Since this post was written, further tests concluded much to everyone’s surprise it appears that I am actually ovulating. I was advised not to take the progesterone and will return to the fertility specialist in 3 months to monitor my reproductive system. Again, still lots of question marks, but the doctors and I are working in tandem to get to the bottom of this. I feel more optimistic than ever that in the near future, we will have more answers.

My Healing Journey, Part I

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, balance, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Hard Work, Holistic Nutrition, Keto, Ketogenic Diet, mindfulness, Nutrition, Strength Training, Updates / Autoimmune, Autoimmune Disease, Autoimmunity, Fitness, Healing Journey, Health, Health and Wellness, Seeking answers, Unexplained weight gain, Weight / 2 comments

November 13, 2018

Over the last year I have struggled tremendously. If you follow me on any of my social media outlets, especially on Instagram—you have watched my unraveling as my weight spiraled out of control without any discernable cause or explanation. I became more and more lethargic, depressed, anxious, frustrated, and more crippled by my inability to focus as a result of debilitating brain fog with each passing day.

Every day I’d wake up, walk to my closet and sift through my clothes, “Nope. No. Not that. That doesn’t fit. Not that either. Nope. No. No. No.” Which finally always culminated in a breakdown of tears in frustration because I literally couldn’t get dressed for work. Absolutely NOTHING I owned fit me any longer. Even my stretchy clothes and my sports bras were almost too tight to wear, and as it was, there were already some stretchy clothes I could no longer fit into. Demoralized, enraged, broken down I spent the last few months seeking answers.

I spent my entire summer in and out of doctor’s offices. Prior to this point, as my body and energy level started to change I sought out the help of a Registered Dietician. I was Crossfitting 4-5 days a week, counting macros, adding in rest days, adjusted my sleep schedule and in the end; the RD I was working with finally said to me she could no longer accept my money because in spite of everything she did to help me lean out and build some muscle, we were making zero progress.

Then, I saw a rheumatologist and she tested me for nearly every possible thing known to man, including my hormones. My blood work all came back normal with the exception of a positive ANA (Antinuclear Antibodies) which is the marker for autoimmunity and positive Thyroid antibodies, AKA Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies. This meant that my body was showing signs of an autoimmune condition called Hashimoto’s Disease, but since I still had normal Thyroid function; these tests did not indicate I was suffering from an autoimmune disease. Since I was not quite sick enough to be treated, the doctor told me this could be reversed with lifestyle changes.

Lifestyle changes…?

Yoga, meditation, not working out, self-care, therapy, de-stressing, and generally just slowing down.

Lifestyle changes?! What do you mean? I eat well, workout, just got promoted, have a great apartment, in a city I love, where I get to share my life with an incredible husband, I have great friends, a wonderful family—what possible changes do I need to make to my life?!

I felt like this was fucking bullshit. But nonetheless, begrudgingly I made all the changes the doctor told me to make. I revamped my daily meditation practice, cut out the weight lifting, started walking, doing more yoga, resting, and trying to slow down.

In June 2018, I went Keto (short for the Ketogenic Diet), which in my last post at one week into the diet raved about how it was changing my life. However, what I failed to do was update that post. Because after my first week on Keto where it appeared that I had lost some weight at week two, I was UP three pounds, then four, then five and before I knew it—by summer’s end I had gained 13 pounds and increased my body fat by 10%! While I did not know this at the time, even as I phased out a Ketogenic lifestyle, alllllll the healthy fats from avocados, Primal Kitchen dressings, nuts, oils, and nut butters were LITERALLY TURNING MY BODY INTO FAT. While Keto aficionados will vehemently oppose this, do your research. There is a small amount of the population that Keto:

– Doesn’t work

– Actually promotes fat gain because the body’s systems, specifically the liver are so taxed that it cannot metabolize the fat. So, the fat is NEVER actually used as fuel and is well, just fat

This was clearly the case for me. Keto wasn’t The Magic Pill and I was devastated.

In July 2018, I saw an endocrinologist. My blood panels were all normal and that was the end of my treatment. What treatment? Yea, my thoughts exactly. Western medicine nowadays is comprised of running blood tests, discerning whether the results are within the normal range or not, then sending an email with the results. Today’s medicine practitioners aren’t actually concerned with identifying root causes, just prescribing a pill and calling it a day. But I digress.

In August 2018, my husband and I spent $1,000 of money we did not have at Bulletproof Labs, a Biohacking facility in Santa Monica to aide in my recovery. We were hoping that this fringe science was the answer to our prayers. It wasn’t, as it did not work.

In late August into September 2018, I started working with a naturopath. I saw her weekly where she conducted ‘Muscle Testing’ to determine the dosing of herbs and supplements I would take that week. During this time, despite her attempts to stop or slow my weight gain, I kept gaining about 1.5-2 pounds a week. Finally, after 5 weeks, she referred me to someone with more experience to help me because after spending nearly $100/week to seek treatment from her, I wasn’t getting any better.

During this time, I also saw a gynecologist. She biopsied my uterus to rule out Uterine cancer since she believed I wasn’t ovulating; nor had been doing so for the past 10 years. So, just to be safe, what was supposed to be a routine visit to dig deeper into my hormonal issues; she biopsied my uterus. Gentleman, you have NO IDEA what this entails nor could possibly feel like. Ladies, if you’ve had a LEEP procedure you can infer how this felt—and I had a LEEP in my 20’s. THIS WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT. It was HORRIBLY painful and uncomfortable. I mean we are talking about taking a chunk out of someone’s flesh and I will just stop there.

Thankfully, the biopsy was negative, but I was directed to a fertility specialist to delve deeper into my ovulation, or lack thereof. Table this—more on this later.

Why this long case history of my last few months? I felt it vital to understanding my last year was filled with counting macros, The Whole30, intuitive eating, going Keto, reverting back to my body building diet; all while pushing myself harder and harder in the gym and at Crossfit and making no gains. Over the last year, I was so devoid of energy that workouts wiped me out. More specifically, during intense exertion, I crumbled and couldn’t perform. I had an entire year without one Personal Record, no competitions or meets, and nothing to show for my hard work other than severe depression and anxiety, a thickening waistline with 25 pounds added to my barely 5’1 frame, fatigue, no menses, and yet according the doctors I was ‘healthy.’

I refused to accept that this life was my new normal. What’s more, I couldn’t fathom how the medical world wasn’t boggled nor concerned as to how and why I was exponentially gaining weight.

Thankfully in early fall, salvation was delivered in the form of a chance meeting at a Reiki healing event with my husband that our amazing rheumatologist had organized. Mona, a gorgeous woman with radiant skin, lush brown hair, magnetic energy, and an adorable baby just so happened to know Greg AND our rheumatologist! What a small world and in the vastness of LA, an even smaller city. Turns out, Mona is a Holistic Nutritionist and so, so, so much more.

After meeting Mona, a few weeks passed before Greg suggested I reach out to her. I mean, what did I have to lose [pun intended]? Mona called me and we spoke for about an hour. She asked me questions about my health and goals, shared some personal anecdotes about her own struggles, and her process to help people regain their health. Our conversation was effortless. Mona is infectiously likeable, genuine, caring, and INSANELY knowledgeable. I knew the moment I ended that call that help had arrived.

Mona sent along her client intake forms and a host of other materials for me to complete. I couldn’t get them back to her fast enough. I was ready to heal and get this journey going already! Over the two weeks to come, Mona poured over my forms and all of my extensive blood panels from the last 2 months. And when I say poured over them, she texted, emailed, and called to gather more information and ask more questions. At the end of the two weeks, we had a 2-hour phone call where she went over the data and a 10-page treatment plan.

Answers.

FINALLY.

Stay tuned for my second installment, My Healing Journey, Part II next week. If you do not subscribe to my blog, make sure you do so ensuring you don’t ever miss a post. Until then, stay healthy my friends.

Adventures in #GoingKeto

Arielle Miller / #GoingKeto, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Commitment, Diet, Diet and Exercise, Fitness, Hard Work, Keto, Ketogenic Diet, Lifestyle / Crossfit, Diabetes, Fat as Fuel, Fitness, Health, Health and Wellness, Insulin Resistant, Keto, Keto Diet, Ketogenic Diet, Mark Sisson, Metabolic Damage, Metabolic Dysfunction, Nutritional Science, Obesity, PCOS, stress / 1 comment

June 28, 2018

There have been a lot of things going on in my life, your life, and well; everyone’s life. So, when things beyond the political climate, World Cup, and life are already out of balance; how do you cope when your body is also out of balance?

I know for me, it kind of seems like things all hit me at once. Work, gym, health, and family stuff all seem to come hurling towards me at the same time. From getting a promotion at work—YAY! To switching CrossFit boxes—YAY! To monitoring and worrying constantly about my husband’s health—BOO! To addressing my own health issues—BOO! To my sister getting married in July—YAY! And more.

I mean, there is SO much ‘YAY!’ in my life, but that doesn’t change the fact that change comes with added stress. And currently, I am dealing with addressing my mechanisms for dealing with stressors in my life and it turns out; I am pretty darn shitty about coping with stress. Who woulda thunk?!

In the last few months there has been a major shift in my life. I cannot pinpoint exactly when it happened; but what I was doing to keep my body healthy clearly didn’t seem to be working anymore. Even with a Registered Dietician helping me monitor my macros and counseling me; my skeletal muscle kept going down and my body fat kept creeping up. What that means is, my body was buring its muscle and holding onto fat instead of the reverse. But nonetheless, I stayed the course. I continued to count macros and weigh my food dillgently while hitting my workouts hard. Then one day, my clothes stopped fitting. It wasn’t gradual like one may think. It was just one day, when the buttons on my jeans wouldn’t close. Then another day, I couldn’t get my shorts up over my knees. Then my sports bras became so tight I had to cycle most of them out of the rotation along with most of my stretchy pants because well, now apparently my stretchy clothes weren’t stretchy enough.

I cannot even begin to tell you how many tears I’ve shed and the hours I’ve spent talking to friends about how my body seems to keep rejecting me and all the changes I keep trying to implement. So, I began reading and listening to podcasts from leading doctors and researchers in health and wellness to try to help myself achieve results and feel better in this body.

Here are a few things I have learned—

Metabolic Dysfunction, or as some call it Metabolic Damage, is real. It’s demoralizing, damning, frustrating, and depressing. Years and years of dieting, calorie restriction, working with the wrong people, PCOS, as well as an eating disorder in my teen years have lead me to this very moment. A moment where my body is over-producing insulin, clinging to fat in my mid-section, and taxed out from over-training, lack of rest, and high-stress.

For me though, the hardest part about suffering from Metabolic Dysfunction are what I perceive to be people’s judgments of my body and lifestyle. Countless times doctors have looked me in the face and told me I couldn’t possibly be counting macros or eating well. I can’t tell you how many times the same doctors and even some coaches told me that I couldn’t possibly be hitting as many workouts as I claim, or hard enough since my body isn’t changing. And I can’t even tell you how many times I have left doctor’s offices after a plethora of tests to hear, “Your blood work is fantastic and you’re healthy!” because I sure as hell don’t feel healthy!

But my big issue isn’t that doctors can’t pinpoint my Metabolic Dysfunction; it’s that they don’t want to. They do the standard tests, and the standard tests render standard numbers, and I am simply labeled a standard carb addicted American eating too much bad fat [enter sarcasm].

But really, the worst thing of it all amidst my epic weight gain, is being a fitness professional and an athlete. Compelled by this need to justify my physique, I talk about what I am eating—or not eating. How much I am work out—or about the intensity of my workouts in some almost pathetic effort to say to people and the world, “Look?! See?! I really do work hard, just see past this body!”

Which is why my current foray into nutrition has lead me to adopt a Ketogenic Diet and lifestyle with the hopes that its claims at being able to restore healthy metabolic functioning can get me closer to my goals. I am just shy of one week #GoingKeto and so far, I love it. For the first time in YEARS I am excited about food again. I am trying new things like eating beef and will even be trying Bison in the near future when I am forced to eat it by my husband. I mean, who am I?!

What is a Ketogenic Diet, or Keto?

Simply, it’s low carb, healthy high fat, and moderate protein. There’s so much bad information out there referring to Keto as high fat/high protein and that’s just wrong! Too much protein is actually bad for you! Also, Keto encourages the use of healthy fats like avocado, olive, and coconut oils to eat and cook with. YES, Keto does also endorse consumption of ghee, grass-fed butter, and dare I say it—the cheese. However, integrated with organic meats and veggies, eating these foods means that you are setting your body up to become metabolically adaptive and flexible.

By becoming metabolically flexible, it means that after committing strictly to Keto for 4-8 weeks (depending on your body), you can then occasionally reintegrate things you enjoy without feeling sluggish, bloated, or gaining weight. Keto if and when done right, can liberate you from the cycle of yo-yo dieting; becoming a sustainable lifestyle that will allow you to enjoy life’s sweeter or more savory pleasures from time to time.

I suppose the biggest things I’ve gotten from people are the following:

“OMG! You are eating heavy cream, butter, and all that fat! That’s going to make you fat!”

AND

“OMG! How are you even surviving on virtually no carbs?!? I could NEVER do that!”

Well, let me drop some science on you.

First, for years and years the low-fat, high carb lifestyle has been promoted as healthy. Want to lose weight? Cut your fat and exercise more! Eat low-fat foods, lots of healthy grains, and don’t forget the carbs because you’ll need all that energy to burn in your workouts! And what happened? Our waistlines continued to expand, obesity, AND Type II Diabetes grew at alarming rates. So, sure—we should certainly keep cutting fat and eating carbs; it’s clearly working [enter sarcasm again]. As if my words aren’t convincing enough, maybe Harvard’s School of Public Health may sway you:

“It’s time to end the low-fat myth. For decades, a low-fat diet was touted as a way to lose weight and prevent or control heart disease and other chronic conditions, and food companies re-engineered products to be reduced-fat or fat-free, often compensating for differences in flavor or texture by increasing amounts of salt, sugar, or refined grains. However, as a nation, following a low-fat diet hasn’t helped us control weight or become healthier.”

When living Keto, you go into a state of Ketosis. This is where your body produces Ketones then burns them for energy instead of carbs. The Ketogenic Diet will actually prompt your body to burn fat for fuel. Ketosis only happens if you are depleted of carbs (consuming no more than a range of 21-50 grams per day) and I do not mean depleted in the sense of a body builder on prep. So what happens is: when you replace alllllllll those carbs with fat, it becomes your body’s energy source. You feel full, full longer, and more satiated than when eating a diet higher in carbs and grains, which get burned up quickly—leaving you with cravings and still hungry.

WHOA, a ‘diet’ where you feel satisfied, aren’t hungry, and feel more energized?! That is seems utopian. This Keto business must be too good to be true, or is it?

At nearly one week in, I do not miss my carbs. I do not feel sluggish, nearly as tired, and I feel energized. To illustrate my point, most days I am in a CrossFit WOD, teaching multiple high intensity or cardio class formats, and/or adding in another gym session—I am moving and grooving, and I feel GOOD. What’s more is since my meals are so nutrient dense, the need to eat so often has diminished—though I do always make sure to have keto-macro friendly snacks with me like nuts, a nut butter packer, or a cheese stick.

Tomorrow, I weigh myself. I should have started this journey by taking inches and will start that tomorrow. I plan on being as open and transparent about this and my journey as possible. I mean, what do I have to lose…?! All puns intended. The way I see this, I am treating Keto as an experiment. Learning all I can, doing all I can, and eagerly awaiting the results of my experiment.

Still scared of #GoingKeto? Or are you intrigued, tantalized, or ready to consider making some changes? Listen to this podcast featuring Mark Sisson, a leading researcher in the fitness world and be prepared to have your life forever changed!

Will you join me in #GoingKeto? Because right now, I look in the mirror and most days do not recognize the woman I see; but I know that the reflection I see is only temporary.

I will get this body healthy again.

I will love this skin I am in again.

I will move better in this body again.

I will rise again.

Live Your Best Life As Your Best Self in 2018

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adventure, Adversity, balance, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Community, Fitness, Goal Setting, Goals, Gratitude, Hard Work, Lifestyle, Married Life, mindfulness, Motivation Monday, Updates, Yoga / 2018, Dedication, Goal Crushing, Goal Digger, Goal Setting, Goals, Happy New Year, Married Life, Motivation, New Year, New Years Resolutions, Setting Intentions / 0 comments

January 1, 2018

It’s the New Year so you’ve committed to a “New You”. You have bought yourself new kicks, snagged a new gym membership, and you are ready to re-invent yourself in 2018. Whoohoo! Well, here’s my problem with this whole “New You” business. This concept suggests that the person you were in 2017 wasn’t good enough and I don’t like that. What was wrong with who you were in 2017? So maybe you didn’t achieve what you set out to do, you didn’t meet the partner of your dreams, get that promotion, whatever—but that doesn’t mean the entire year was a wash and what’s more, it certainly doesn’t require an entire personal overhaul [unless of course, you are are horrific human and in that case-well, tear it all down and begin anew].

Ladies and gentleman, we are entirely too hard on ourselves. We HAVE to love ourselves more so that we can thrive (yes, yes, yes I am working very hard on accepting certain aspects of myself, sigh). For us all, last year like any other was filled with joy, struggle, and laughter. For all the bad that may have happened, there was also SO MUCH good! In looking back at your 2017, as you prepare to tackle 2018, I want to ask what I feel to be more pertinent questions:

What speaks to your heart?
What are you doing to bring the things that speak to your heart alive?
How have you nourished your soul?
How are you filling your cup while you are serving others?

What terrifies you?

I mean what is something you have always wanted to do, but let your own fear and self-imposed inadequacies stand in the way of you reaching out, branching out, and growing?

Get involved in something.

Be part of something bigger than yourself.

Commit to something.

Train for something.

Find your faith or connect to a higher power. Whatever your faith maybe or whatever it is for you where you derive your spirituality from should be something that brings you strength.

The thing is here, there are no right answers to how you need to cultivate your soul, fill your heart with life and light, and wake up invigorated and energized by life. I invite you to move away from thinking you need to change the you that the world knows. The current you is just fine. Simply, look to this New Year as a season of hope, after all–obstacles in our lives are merely opportunities in disguise.

I wish you all the happiest New Year as you look boldly and confidently ahead. I will be here to celebrate your journey, laugh, sweat, and cry with you. So stop what you are doing right now. Reflect and dare to dream big. You hold the pen to craft this tale and it is up to you to fill the pages of your story.

Arielle’s Goals and Vision Board

And to help hold us all accountable, I am sharing my personal vision board with you all. About a month ago on November 19th, 2017, Greg and I each created our own vision boards to kick our lives into gear before 2018–’cause why the hell not?

We mapped out 3 things to focus on individually: Short, Mid-Range, and Long Range goals with tangible time frames, as well as couple goals we hoped to accomplish together (seen on my board above).

At present, Greg and I have our goals hanging on our closet doors so we see them daily. Personally, I like to take a quiet moment when starting AND ending my day to check back and reflect on my goals while rereading them.

We had a great time doing this little exercise together: markers, colored paper, wine, and them some good TV when we were decorating…Or when I was decorating, haha. Doing things like setting intentions, goal setting, and vision boarding helps not only bring you closer to your hopes and dreams, but also those you care about!

Greg’s Goals and Vision Board

Happiest of 2018, my Fitness Family, Friends, Loved Ones, Students, and those whom I have never met. I hope this year is truly transformative!

The Power of Good-Bye: Letting Go Doesn’t Mean You’ve Given Up

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, balance, Challenges, Fitness, Goal Setting, Goals, Lifestyle, Yoga / Acceptance, Changes, Goal Setting, Goals, Happiness, Letting Go, Yoga / 2 comments

September 25, 2017

Have you ever wanted something for so long that when you finally got it, you couldn’t recall why you wanted it in the first place? I guess sometimes that’s the irony of goal setting. You want something so darn badly for so long, work ceaselessly towards it; and occasionally there’s a massive let down or disappointment. Perhaps this has happened to you. I know with respects to myself, this sort of colossal disappointment is normally reserved for when I go off my diet. I mean seriously. I eat so clean that when a meal or dessert that I’ve committed to fails to deliver, I am filled with anger and pissed I wasted my calories. Ok, ok, maybe the food thing was a touch over the top but it’s the truth nonetheless. However, on a serious note this whole thing is really about letting go when you’ve planted an expectation and reaped a disappointment.

Big picture, I am talking about giving yourself the permission and opportunity to create space and then walk away from something that no longer serves you.

Recently, I left a job I loved. Yes, that’s right. I left a job I loved. I wasn’t pushed out, promoted, and something better didn’t come along. To put it simply: as much as I loved the job, the negatives outweighed the positives.

The very hip and trendy millennial attitude is to not do things you don’t want to do. First off, thankfully I am too old to be considered a millennial, but there is some truth to not doing shit you don’t like, and don’t want to do. No, I am not talking about not paying bills or cleaning your house ‘cause you don’t wanna do it. I am talking about when you are able to release things that are weighing you down in life—let them the ef go!

Initially when I grappled with possibly giving up something I loved here were some things that made it so difficult for me:

I wanted the job for YEARS
When I tried to get the job in the past, I was rejected and told I wasn’t good enough. This made me only want it more, work harder, and keep at it
I loved the people I impacted directly and whom interacted with me on social media. These people made me feel like I mattered in their lives
I enjoyed being part of something positive for others. Whether it was building up their confidence, or just giving them a smile when I felt they needed it most, I relished the chances to be the bright part in other people’s days

Yet, in spite of all the great things about the job, it was gut wrenching to realize that I wasn’t happy. And to top it all off, the money was great. But friends, if you haven’t learned the ol’ adage yet; wise up: Money doesn’t buy happiness.

I took an honest look at my life. Where it was going and where it wasn’t going. I also evaluated things that made me happy, and things that I was doing that no longer brought me the same joy. Here’s what I came away with:

I lead a life that prevents me from actually living life.

Daily, my grind consists of leaving my fulltime job as a public school teacher to run to a gym or studio and teach fitness classes. At one point, my group fitness schedule swelled to 10 classes a week, and that was without my own workouts! I was tired, cranky, run down, and above all—not cultivating the relationship with myself I yearned for. I had no time to take yoga classes, to write this blog or work on my book, meal prep, spend time with my husband, be social, or really give 100% in my workouts [assuming I even had the time to sneak them in]!

I took a giant step back and looked closely at my life. I made a list of things I loved doing; my goals, wants, wishes, and areas that I felt needed cultivating and casting off to keep my thinking focused. When I gazed down at my paper and started discussing some of the things with close family and friends aloud, it became more and more apparent to me. I had to leave, it was time to cast off the burden weighing me down so that I could soar in my own endeavors.

I cried when I made my decision to leave this job that I loved.

I cried for the people I met.

But mostly I cried in anguish over something I wanted so badly and for so long. Finally, when I owned my decision and I mean truly owned it, a weightlessness washed over me. Instantly, I felt liberated from my self-imposed chains. Now, I looked at my life and my schedule with hope and possibility as opposed to the daunting challenge of where to find ‘Me Time’.

So, why was I holding onto something that was bringing me such negativity and holding me back?!

Oh, there are many factors friends. The biggest one though is the most shameful one of them all and it’s ego. That’s right—my ego. The prestige and honor of being associated with such a job/brand made me feel validated, like I had finally arrived in the fitness world. Again, the more I thought about this, the more I berated myself for this ludicrous thinking. How did I allow my self-worth to ever be tied up in something that had absolutely nothing to do with my performance in any capacity?! Moreover, why did I believe that I needed the approval from someone else to determine my perception of self? It really got me thinking:

Why in the hell do we do that to ourselves?

The more I thought things through, the more I realized that in order to thrive in this life in the manner in which I wanted; I was going to have to relinguish this life line to which I was clutching. This tether bound me, held me back and stifled my spirit. I must share with you all, releasing something that no longer brought me the same joy and happiness as it once did was empowering. However, I will say this about the job. It was a great lesson in truly living my yoga. Now, I know what you are thinking—that yoga is just making shapes and blah, blah, blah; but that my friends is where you are wrong.

It’s all yoga, baby.

Yoga is something that you live. It’s a lifestyle and a way of living so you uphold yourself to the highest level of self at all times. For me, this whole process WAS yoga. Maybe not in the way you get your yoga on, but was my yoga. Realizing and accepting that I couldn’t control the business, the staff, the managers, and more was the first step. The second step was recognizing the areas of control within my life, the places where I could alter the outcomes. So whether or not I wanted to represent that specific institution was indeed a choice I could make. In the end, I picked me. I picked myself because the time for me to start putting myself first was beckoning. And there ya have it, folks.

Yoga is everywhere.

Let that shit go that isn’t bringing light and bliss into your life.

Give yourself the opportunity to experience happiness on your own terms because you certainly do deserve it.

The Advocate I Should Have Always Been

Arielle Miller / Abundance, Acceptance, Accountability, Adversity, anger, Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, Blog, Build connections, Celebrate, Celebration, Challenges, Chronic Illness, Community, Confidence In Movement, Fitness, Gratitude, mindfulness, Motivation Monday, Scleroderma / Autoimmune Disease, Awareness, Charity, Chronic Illness, Family, Gratitude, Love, Lupus, Mother, Mother Daughter, Scleroderma / 0 comments

July 31, 2017

Over the years I have encountered my fair share of friends raising money for AIDS, Breast Cancer, and so on. Often times their reasons for involvement were obvious; but I always still wondered, why people got involved, how they got involved, and what kept them involved. So when I could, I happily donated.

Just this past year, I was bestowed the incredible honor of being able to ride (as a support cycling instructor) on stage at Equinox’s annual Cycle for Survival event which raises millions of dollars a year to fund rare cancer research at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. I cried while listening to the harrowing tales of sadness, but I was struck by the strength of our community. Cancer or no cancer in my life, my heart felt deeply for every family that lost a mother, father, friend, daughter, son, niece, nephew and so on. Cancer affects us all. Sadly, cancer and cancer-related deaths are on the rise; thus its visibility and diagnoses at this point are not a matter of if cancer will strike a family, but when.

The big ‘C’ or ‘FUCK CANCER’, like so many say, rightfully so garners a serious reaction from people. You mention cancer and people instantly give you their attention and sympathies. Cancer is something we talk about, know about, and are much more public about. It is something we are more comfortable discussing because tragically cancer has become so commonplace in our world as a result of environmental factors, diet, industrialization, and more.

But this post isn’t about cancer.

And this post certainly isn’t about devaluing anyone’s battle or struggles either. My problems are not bigger than yours, and we are not in competition with one another with respects to whom has been dealt a shittier hand of cards. This post is merely about my life and experience with respects to growing up with my mother, someone afflicted with an autoimmune disease.

For me, this is about drawing awareness to chronic illness. It has been my experience that when I encounter people afflicted with autoimmune conditions, they down play them or very quickly mention it as an afterthought. Usually, the thought is then followed up with, ‘Well, you probably haven’t heard of it…’ before changing the subject. And maybe, no—I haven’t. All of us haven’t because when it comes to chronic illness, there is no cure or potential cure, and in the interest of being completely candid—we just do not know what to say or how to react to something we do not know, nor understand. We all fight our own battles and choose to wage war differently. For me, the way I wage a war is to strike straight to the heart and make you feel something in order to stimulate action. I openly discuss the happenings of my life with the hopes that somehow, somewhere, my story is touching a life…

My amazing mother and I. This pic is from September 2016 when she flew out to LA to support me in my first body building show!

My mother has lived with an autoimmune disease virtually her entire life. At 19 years old her youthful body was fatigued and rundown. She was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). However, as my mother aged, her symptoms worsened and did not subside. It wouldn’t be until almost 20 years later when my mother would be diagnosed with Lupus. I was in middle school at the time (though my mom seems to think elementary school) and this was well before the internet, so all we had to work with was from what the doctors told us. Still, the gravity of my mother’s Lupus never truly made sense nor hit home. I think this happened because as a pre-teen one’s only thoughts and focus are on and of oneself.

As I moved into my teenage years, I was a nightmare to deal with. I was not only unruly, but a raging mess of hormones. I was violent, aggressive, and my moods erratic. I spent much of my high school years grounded and bitching to my boyfriend Josh how much I hated ‘them’. During our family blowouts, my father would scream at me, “YOU ARE KILLING YOUR MOTHER!”

That was the only time my mother’s illness ever came into play or conversation—when I upset her or the status quo at home, which trust me, was a daily occurrence.

We never changed our diets; my parents remained relatively sedentary outside of commuting to and from their jobs in New York City, and life rolled on. However, yearly we attended the Lupus Walk to raise money for research. The impression though that I got from my parents was it was a half-assed effort. Something they did because they felt obligated to; as opposed compelled to participate in because of a deep seeded want to help their cause. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing either—to each his or her own. Just because someone is afflicted with something doesn’t call for instant and complete mobilization of charity events, fundraisers, and involvement. The difference between my parents and their approach to my mother’s illness when compared to my husband and his disease is vast. People like myself and my husband Greg rally our community around our passions and causes. Albeit, the world we reside in is immensely different than the world of yesteryear with things like crowdfunding and social media; but we are public and visible with our successes and our struggles.

My beloved family at our wedding in LA

My mother never complained, asked ‘why me?’, or even demanded special treatment. As a matter of fact, my mother retired from her work at Con Edison after 41 years of service never even informing her employers of her condition or filing for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act). To say my mother, whom is this sweet and kind soul is tough, is an understatement. She’s a quiet kind of fierce. The kind you never saw coming—a woman that in her retirement took up yoga and water aerobics after YEARS of inactivity. My mother, as she ages is getting super weird as ‘old people do’—doesn’t miss a thing. Observant and thoughtful, she thinks of others first. Two days after I got my braces on, a package arrived at my house from Costco. My mother sent me a waterpik to ease my efforts in trying to keep my [new] braces clean. She is and always has been that behind-the-scenes kind of woman who deserved more from this life. Hell, from me. More on that in a bit.

My mother, now 61 years old lives with her Lupus and thankfully it doesn’t appear to be an issue. Granted, as with any disease these things manifest enormously different from person to person and can take a turn for the worse at anytime. My mom does take medication for various things and has throughout the years, but aside from minor hiccups here and there; she’s earned a relatively clean bill of health. I am convinced part of my mother’s longevity and relatively healthy life is a direct result of her mindset when it came to her illness. Granted, both she and my father could certainly eat better and be more active (yes, I am totally throwing you both under the bus here); but her mental state is precisely what’s correlated to her overall well-being. My mother chose to define life on her terms as opposed to letting her illness define her. Similarly, my husband Greg recently wrote about this topic on his blog. You can read his post by clicking HERE. I cannot emphasize enough the power of a positive mindset. We cannot control the things that happen to us in this life [like I mentioned in my last post, click HERE to read it], but we can consciously decide how we proceed forward.

Now as a woman now of 35, I feel deep sadness that I didn’t invest in my mother’s health and illness sooner. As my mother and my father age, I worry incessantly about their health and well-being. But more than that, I feel selfish that only now with my husband’s own chronic illness (Scleroderma) I am using my voice. I am embarrassed to say that my uncle has diabetes, my cousin breast cancer, and many of my friends are living with debilitating illnesses and NOW—now I am using my voice?! At times I grapple with feeling like I am not good enough to lobby for a cause, this cause in particular for I have willing sat idly for so long…And then I step back and realize that I need to be kinder to myself. Beating myself up to rally around and for every cause is not only not possible, but the timing wasn’t right for me.

The time is now.

I am grateful to have such inspirational people in my life to model how to gracefully approach adversity. Moreover, I am inspired by their strength to use my voice as a rallying cry to direct more funding towards autoimmune disease research, treatment, and spread awareness. I cannot look back at what I didn’t do but I can look ahead to the future and know what I can and will do.

Fitness

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